Rodney McKay quotes from Stargate Atlantis

Dr. Keller

I have enough anesthetic to put you out. You're not going to feel a thing.

Dr. McKay

Yeah, it's probably a hammer.

Ronon

I still say this was a setup.

Sheppard

I don't know. Kenny seemed pretty surprised when that ship disappeared.

McKay

Who?

Sheppard

Kenny, the second in command.

McKay

Well, since when did we start calling him that?

Ronon

Maybe he wasn't in on it.

Sheppard

I don't know. If Todd wanted to kidnap Teyla, he would have done it the second we arrived. Doesn't add up.

McKay

Seriously, the next time we have to name one of these guys, we should take a vote.

McKay

That's it. That's it. [to a large person] Mind your step, sir.

Sir?

McKay

Ma'am, sorry. Uh... [gestures at his upper lip] you have a... [to Ronon] That is clearly a moustache!

Well it's remote, that's promising. He wouldn't want anyone around when coming in and out of his lab.

Dr. McKay

Oooh, like the Batcave!

Yes... just like the Batcave.

Dr. McKay

Controlled magnetic harmonic resonance.

What?

Dr. McKay

Apparently Tesla was close to something like this before Edison trashed his lab.

What are you talking about?

Dr. McKay

That wall was specially designed to destabilize when bombarded with a very specific harmonic resonance. That's what the tones were. And the strong magnetic property of the particles is what keeps the door from just crumbling into dust. It's a great way to hide a door, because you know, if you're looking for a door to open it's never going to be found. It's like a hologram, only better because it's solid mass until the tones are playing.

Right, so you could've just told me to walk through the door when you did it.

Dr. McKay

I could have, yes.

Dr. McKay

Ow!

Oh yeah I tried that they uh, zap you when you touch them.

Dr. McKay

You could've told me that before I touched it!

I could have, yes.

Is everything a competition with you?

McKay

I'm not sure what you're talking about.

I just found you a secret lab full of really cool Ancient stuff. I kind of think that should score me some points here.

McKay

OK, I admint I might have been a bit of brusque with you up until now.

Just a little...

McKay

But the truth is, I really didn't think you're gonna find anything.

Well, that much I actually understand.

McKay

You do?

Yeah. I... spent the majority of my professional life being ridiculed for my theories - most of which turned out to be correct, by the way - I'm kinda used to it, Rodney.

McKay

Wasn't that bothering you? That there's no indication or recognition of credit?

No, I could say the same thing about you. The discoveries you've made yet probably could've won the Nobel prize five times over by now.

McKay

That's too true. So, guess none of us signed up to be famous, huh?

No, we did it for the money!

McKay

Hehehe, good one! Heh heh... [resumes working then pauses again] You mean, you don't get paid more than I do, do you? [Jackson sighs] Do you?!

Dr. McKay

(...) I think I figured a way out of here!

Really ?

Dr. McKay

This is an Ancient facility, and Rodney McKay knows a thing or two about Ancient facilities.

You know it has been clinically proven that referring to yourself in the third person is a sign of mental instability.

Dr. McKay

Mentally unstable like a fox.

Dr. McKay

Okay, we need to get to the device control room.

It'll be crawling with soldiers...

Dr. McKay

Oh, well then we'll need to create a diversion.

I'm awares.

Dr. McKay

Okay, ahh...We'll go to the power relay station, we'll create a massive explosion.

And I never got how that made a good diversion.

Dr. McKay

[stops walking] What?

You want to clear the device control room of bad guys, right?

Dr. McKay

Yes!

Sooo...why would you assume if there was a massive explosion people would go running towards it?

Dr. McKay

Well, I would.

I rest my case! [walks past McKay]

Dr. McKay

[catches up] Oh, I'm sorry, you know, I'm a good person, I would want to save people from a fire; maybe figure out what's going on?

I, au contraire, would order more guards to protect the one room I thought whoever's blowing things up probably wants to get to!

Dr. McKay

[stops for a second before running to catch up with Jackson again] Explosion diversion is the very cornerstone of diversions!

You don't have any better ideas.

Dr. McKay

I don't have any better ideas, yes.

Dr. McKay

[panicking and grovelling] Oh my God, please don't kill me, you need me.

Rodney?

Dr. McKay

Us, us. You need us. Look, the device needs constant care. I mean, true, I'm the only one who knows how to work it. You don't have to kill me for it, you're not a violent race. I mean, you may have stunned us a few more times than I would have liked, but who's to say we didn't deserve it.

Rodney, they're just suits-

Dr. McKay

Yes, suits. Suits that house one of the smartest races that ever evolved. The Asgards, I've always been a big fan of the Asgards. Some of my best friends are Asgards.

They're empty suits. (waves his hand in front of their helmets) See?

Dr. McKay

[deflated] Yeah, I know I was uh...

You were...?

Dr. McKay

Yeah, it's not important.

Dr. McKay

[wearing Asgard armor] Can you unzip me?

Woolsey

I'll go look for a can opener.

Dr. McKay

I've got lots of experience escaping from these things.

Beckett

You do?

Dr. McKay

Oh, yeah, yeah. Been in this situation dozens of times, always figured a way out.

Beckett

How, exactly?

Dr. McKay

Ah, let's see. Uh, last time, Teyla was posing as a Queen, so, um... you know, she had us released.

Beckett

Not much chance of that happening.

Dr. McKay

No, I guess not.

Beckett

How about the time before that?

Dr. McKay

Ronon's friend Tyre was pretending to be in league with the Wraith but really he was on our side so... he let us out.

Beckett

I'm startin' to sense a pattern here. You've actually never really escaped from one of these cells on your own, have you?

Dr. McKay

First time for everything, right?

Carson

So, interested in anyone these days?

Dr. McKay

Me? No I'm no-I'm (stutters).

Carson

You're a terrible liar, Dr. McKay. Tell me, tell me, tell me.

Ronon

[Re: Woolsey] Sometimes when I walk past his quarters at night, I can hear him crying.

Dr. McKay

What...Really?

Ronon

No.

Dr. Zelenka

Come to think of it, I think it might have been those little green berries with the purple specks on them, because my tongue did seem a little bit numb afterwards ...

Dr. McKay

Yeah, FYI, this conversation ended six seconds ago.

Dr. Zelenka

Yeah, um, anyway, on the way back I had an idea.

Dr. McKay

Well, have a little lie down. It'll pass.

Dr. McKay

You realize it's highly unlikely you're actually gonna find anything?

Dr. Zelenka

Well, then I will have wasted an hour of my time and you'll be able to tell me "I told you so." If, on the other hand, I do find something, perhaps they'll name something after me for a change. [he exits]

Dr. McKay

[going after Zelenka] Wait!