[Dr. Ehrlich is hung over after getting embarrassingly drunk at a party thrown by Dr. Craig]
CDr. Craig
I went to a lot of trouble, Ehrlich, and you let me down. Now, I can understand you being nervous or uncomfortable and I've been known to hoist a few in my time but what disappoints me the most is that you are on call today. And I don't think you're capable of doing the work.
CDr. Craig
Your responsibility is to your patients, damn it. Twenty four hours a day. I thought you were the brightest. I thought you were the best. Now, I'm not so sure any more. [pause] I'll be down in five minutes. I'll drive you to the hospital. :[Mark exits as Ellen walks towards Ehrlich]
Just ignore him, Victor. That's what I do.
CDr. Craig
Your pool was paid for by Crestline, the same corporation that makes the pacemakers that you use exclusively.
WAWillie Andrews
That's right.
CDr. Craig
Well now, that might not be a felony, Larry, but at the very least it's a conflict of interest and I know it's more than that. It's a bribe, Larry. So I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to go after you with everything that I've got. It may take day or a month or a year but I'm going to get you unless you save me the trouble.
CDr. Craig
Get out of my hospital.
CDr. Craig
He did a good job today, Ehrlich.
Yeah. He seemed to handle himself very well.
CDr. Craig
He really measured up to the situation. You know, I'm tough on him day in, day out. And God knows, everything about him grates like sandpaper; the hair, the clothes, the lingo... But he really came through today. I think I'll keep on cracking the whip.
CDr. Craig
What is it in my personality that bugs people? That bugs you?
CDr. Craig
Come on, come on. Give it to me straight. Don't pull any punches.
Mark, I... What do you...
CDr. Craig
Right between the eyes.
Well, you're a little short on tact.
You're intolerant of people who don't behave in the way you think they should.
CDr. Craig
[less certain] Right.
Now, don't get me wrong. I like you well enough. I really do but, well, you're really a closed, narrow minded, judgmental human being and I don't...
CDr. Craig
That's enough. Thank you, Donald.
CDr. Craig
Mr. Brody, what have you been feeding Mr. Bonwit?
MBMatthew Brody
He wanted to see how it worked.
CDr. Craig
If I ever catch you diagnosing patients around here again, I'll have you arrested for practicing medicine without a license. Do you understand?
MBMatthew Brody
[Quietly] Yeah.
CDr. Craig
Then you'll see what kind of fun it is playing Pac-Man inside a prison cell.
CDr. Craig
Then in short, Dr. Armstrong, you never acknowledged the possibility of a genuine heart condition, in this case, infective endocarditis, which crossed the placenta and triggered premature labor.
[Struggling to answer the question] I... I... ..
[Stands to address Dr. Craig, Dr. Westfall, and Dr. Auschlander] To be honest, Mrs. Chambers' valve murmur was almost inaudible. I must have big ears. [Snickers after his joke]
CDr. Craig
Hardly seems the time for wisecracks.
[Fiscus sits down]
[Trying to hold back her emotions] I'm having trouble concentrating. I was in court earlier today.
I think we all understand that, Wendy. The point is, had you spotted her condition earlier in the clinic, she could have been put on IV antibiotics.
CDr. Craig
And probably she'd still be carrying that child.
CDr. Craig
What is it, Ehrlich?
CDr. Craig
Only one, huh? After your haphazard, clumsy, inexcusable performance in the OR today, I'm convinced that you may be here in body, but your mush brains are still on vacation.
Fine, well Dr. Swayles...
Exactly! He's got admitting privileges here, and I've been assigned one of his patients. You know, I've tried to reach him without any luck. Mrs. Sado's conditioning is deteriorating, and I've got to change her meds fast.
I can't change his orders. He's an attending and I'm only a resident.
CDr. Craig
You're also a moron. When a human life is in the balance, protocol goes out the window. Do I make myself understood?
CDr. Craig
And Ehrlich, I appreciate the fact that you don't wear shorts.
CDr. Craig
Move your chair, Axelrod.
[Axelrod moves in]
CDr. Craig
I've reviewed the Colfax case, and I am not happy. What the hell is going on here?
WDr. Wade
I tried to tell Elliott-...
CDr. Craig
[Cuts Wade off] I have the floor, Dr. Wade. Now, my time is valuable. I don't like wasting it on conforming an open-and-shut case! Axelrod, I find your diagnosis entirely appropriate.
CDr. Craig
The patient has a family history of heart disease, but the size and location of the occlusion poses no grave or immediate danger. She's young, compliant, and willing to work hard to avoid surgery. Adequate medical management should give her the same, if not better, chance of survival than a bypass. Case closed. Dr. Wade, I'd like to speak with you. Axelrod, get some rest. You look terrible.
[Axelrod leaves Dr. Craig's office]
CDr. Craig
What the hell were you trying to do? Bulldoze a patient into surgery?
WDr. Wade
I thought a bypass was necessary and expedient.
CDr. Craig
In a fifty year old. With heavy left occlusion, maybe! This woman presents no intractable angina.
WDr. Wade
Dr. London supported my diagnosis.
CDr. Craig
Oliver London?
[Wade nods her head, Craig is appalled with the answer]
CDr. Craig
The man puts Sweeney Todd to shame. He would operate for the common cold! Let me tell you something. I won't have cut-happy residents on my staff. There are too many surgeons already lining their pockets with unnecessary surgery. [hands her a folder] You blew this one, Wade. It better not happen again.
CDr. Craig
So you took the job with that colonic slime, Bill Wolf, didn't you?
CDr. Craig
It's all over the hospital. Everyone is patting me on the back like I just had a baby boy.
All right, all right, I was gonna tell you.
CDr. Craig
In this century?
Listen, the only reason that I'm doing this program is to provide a genuine public service.
CDr. Craig
Oh, don't give me that crap! Muammar Gaddafi is more interested in public service than that ringworm producer.
All right, I need the money. You know I got a divorce pending.
CDr. Craig
I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you turned on me for a few lousy pieces of silver.
You've had your differences with Mr. Wolf, but I don't think that should interfere with our relationship. Yours and mine, I mean.
CDr. Craig
You can count on it! You lie with dogs, you get fleas!
Well, wait a minute, you don't mean that, do you, sir?
CDr. Craig
His film eviscerated me all over the airwaves.
I guess I can't persuade you to do a guest spot some night, huh?
CDr. Craig
Who do I look like, Ben Vereen? I'm a surgeon, Ehrlich, not a buck and wing man! Scalpel!
CDr. Craig
Now where did you find this little piece of gradue, Boy's Life?
Journal of the American Medical Association. It's a documented phenomenon.
CDr. Craig
So is psychic surgery, Fiscus. But I wouldn't want to trust my gallbladder to it.
You still want me to repeat the autopsy?
CDr. Craig
You're damn right. Nightmare death syndrome of all the lame-Why MacArthur ever wanted to return to the Philippines is beyond me.
St. Elsewhere · 129 quotes
