Dr. Craig quotes from St. Elsewhere

Dr. Westphall

What's up?

Boy, do you look terrible.

Dr. Westphall

Did you call me out here to tell you that?

Wasn't Ehrlich supposed to be on rounds with you this morning?

Dr. Westphall

Yes, he was. I got a message he's not going to be here. He's involved in some research project.

What is it with these residents? Is every day the Fourth of July? I mean, I need him to assist me in surgery. Kiley dropped out just a minute ago.

Dr. Westphall

Any of you know what project Ehrlich is involved in?

Dr. Chandler

Dream research.

Dream res--- Flim flam, pure and simple. Why do these funding people let the wool be pulled over their eyes using hard earned tax dollars for useless research? I don't even know why you let this Ellis woman have space in the hospital.

Dr. Westphall

Mark, I had nothing to do with it.

Dream research. That kind of malarkey really singes my drawers. Yeah, well, Ehrlich just better be enjoying his dreams while he can, because here comes a living nightmare.

Can't you see I'm in a hurry?

You left the lights on in your car.

You're joking.

No, sir.

That's impossible.

It's true.

Don't be ridiculous!

I'm sorry Dr. Craig. It's out of our hands.

Who's my replacement?

Oliver London.

Oliver London? The man couldn't carve his initials in a desk! I'm calling my congressman.

Luther Hawkins

Excuse me, Dr. Craig.

Yeah?

Luther Hawkins

We lost one of your patients, Florence Hufnagel.

Where is she?

Luther Hawkins

In here, on her way to the morgue.

What happened?

Luther Hawkins

Cardiac arrest.

Why haven't her test results been charted? We have ward clerks up the wazoo, but you can't get a simple blood test back from the lab before high noon?

Luther Hawkins

Well, the doctors didn't seem to know what caused the heart attack. Though my guess is it was brought on by the bed.

Dr. Westphall

The bed, what bed?

Luther Hawkins

Well, Miss Hufnagel was found... Well, she had been swallowed up by the bed.

[Auschlander laughs as all four exit the elevator] I don't think it's so damn funny.

I'm not laughing, I'm really not. It's tragic.

Wait till the hospital gets slapped with a lawsuit for shoddy equipment.

What do you want?

I think I'd like something light, maybe you could suggest an aperitif?

What do I look like? A sommelier?

So, you three are of the medical persuasion, yeah? Because we all earn our income through the generosity of the federal government perhaps a little free attention is in order here. I got a pain in my arm.

It's probably from slinging back all those mugs of beer all day long. No wonder the mail never gets delivered.

Hey, hey, hey where ya goin'? I brought you a Shirley Temple.

For your information lady, I'm not drinking because I have a delicate operation to perform in the morning.

Fitting someone for a body bag?

[to Westphall and Auschlander] Stiff her but good.

Dr. Ehrlich

Dr. Craig, you're Episcopalian, is there a minimum income requirement to join?

Will you stop being a moron?

What are you doing?

Dr. Ehrlich

I'm looking for the messiah.

And I'm beginning to think that you're a 100% certifiable chuckle head.