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S5 E6

South Park · Season 5, Episode 6

Stan, Kyle and others in “Cartmanland”

[Kyle is in the hospital after popping his hemorrhoid]

Dude, are you okay?

[sarcastically] Oh, I'm swell, Stan. I popped my hemorrhoid trying to climb the fence into Cartmanland and it got infected. I really need to go to the bathroom, but if I do, it will pop again and the pain will make me pass out. How are you?

Well, um, I found out that Cartman's letting a few people each day into his theme park. I was thinking we could put on disguises and get in.

I'm afraid Kyle can't ride any amusement park rides for over a year because of his horrible hemorrhoid.

Jesus.

But it's okay, Stan, because I finally figured it out. You see, if someone like Cartman could get a million dollars and his own theme park, then there IS no God. There's no God, dude.

Kyle, don't say such things!

Why? Why, Mom? Because if I do, something bad will happen to me? Because if I do, your God might not shower me with his blessings of infected hemorrhoids?

Kyle, you just don't understand, it's-

No! I finally DO understand! There is no justice! There is no GOD! Do you hear me!? I RENOUNCE MY FAITH!

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