[Interior scene, synagogue. Stan finds Kyle sitting alone in the empty pews. Sad music plays.]
Dude, what are you doing here? Everybody's looking for you! [beat] Kyle?
Do you know what happened to me this morning, Stan? This morning... I-I woke up and felt a sharp pain in my ass. I felt down there a-and found this.. big sore lump. On my ass, Stan. I couldn't even sit down, so... I-I had to tell my mother, w-which was humiliating. She took me to the doctor, which was more humiliating, a-and he told me... I-I have a hemorrhoid. It's like an infected blood vessel on your ass. I'm nine years old, and I have a hemorrhoid, Stan. I have a hemorrhoid, and Cartman has his own theme park.
...Kyle, I-I understand what you mean, but—
(in tears) Do you?! Do you, Stan?! Because all my life I was raised to believe in Jehovah! To believe that we should all behave a certain way and good things will come to us. I make mistakes, but every week I try to better myself! I'm always saying, "Y'know, I learned something today", and what does this so-called God give me in return?! A hemorrhoid! It doesn't make sense! WHAT IS YOUR LOGIC!?!? Ow!...
Look, Cartman...he thinks he's gonna be happy because he has his own amusement park, but he's gonna find out that without other people, the rides are totally lame. I mean, who could really have fun by themselves at a theme park?
Cut to a montage of Cartman riding various rides at his park, laughing and cheering in euphoria all the way.
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