“The Return of Chef” quotes from South Park

Cartman

Uh, guys? Did Chef seem a little, uh...trippy to you?

Cartman

Hey you guys, you know what they call a Jewish woman's boobs? Jewbs.

You guys, something's wrong with Chef. He's saying some really weird stuff.

Kyle

Like what?

I think... I think he wants to have sex with me.

[in sound clips of his voiced mixed together] 🎵 I want to-- stick my balls--🎵 inside your rectum, Kyle. 🎵 I'm gonna make love to-- 🎵 your asshole, children. Kenny-- how would you like to-- sodomize-- my black ass?

Butters

[after seeing a police detective perform a rim job on a doll] My Uncle Bud did that to me once!

[after meeting a large dancer at a strip club Chef's trance begins to waver] Wait a minute...

Stan

He's remembering!

Children! What have I done?

Cartman

It's okay, Chef! Go on, remember!

[singing] I'm gonna-- I'm gonna...

Kyle

Come on Chef, you can do it.

[singing] 🎵 I'm gonna make love to you, woman! Gonna lay ya down by the fire! 🎵

YAY!

[about the Super Adventure Club's founder] And he lived for eternity... until he was hit by a train in 1892.

Kyle

Do you realize how retarded that sounds?

Is it any more retarded than the idea of God sending his only son down to die for our sins? Is it any more retarded that Buddha sitting beneath a tree for twenty years?

Stan

Yeah, it's way, way more retarded.

If you choose not to leave, then we will have to...call security and make you leave. It will be super embarrassing and everyone here will see!

Get the hell outta here, children!

Stan

Oh my God, they killed Chef!

Kyle

You bastards! YOU BASTARDS!

Pity. He would've made an excellent child molester.

Cartman

Maybe...maybe he's still OK. [the others look at him] No, really, they say the last thing you do before you die is crap your p-[Chef's corpse does exactly what he was about to say and voids its bowels] Oh, never mind.

Stan

Come on. Let's go.

Kyle

We're all here today because Chef has been such an important part of our lives. A lot of us don't agree with the choices Chef has made in the past few days. Some of us...feel hurt...and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us. But we can't let the events of the last week take away the memories of how much Chef made us smile. I'm going to remember Chef as the jolly old guy who always broke into song. I'm going to remember Chef... as the guy who gave us advice to live by. So you see, we shouldn't be mad at Chef for leaving us. We should be mad at that fruity little club for scrambling his brains.

Yeah.

He's right.

Kyle

And in the end, I know that somewhere out there, there's the good part of Chef...that's still alive in us all.

Chef, can you hear me? Say something.

Hello there, children. How would you like some Salisbury steak?

Yes, go on.

And for dessert, how would you children like to suck on my chocolate salty balls?

Oh? You mean like a chocolate candy?

No, I mean my balls.

Yes, YES! Hahahahahahaaa!