Mr. BossOh, Allan! I actually have a very exciting job for you too! I just ran out of those little metal things that hold paper together. The eff are they called again? You know, the thing that's all like-- [he bends his pointer finger backwards, instantly breaking it]
Mr. Boss
Yeah, that's it! If you could fetch some for me, I might have a special reward for you.
Mr. Boss
Well, if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, Allan, now would it?
No, I guess not. Okay, I'm gonna go get those paperclips, then.
Mr. Boss
[deeper, "normal" voice] Cool. Cool... I really hurt my finger doing that paperclip bit.
Mr. Boss
I learned today that all cultures are equal and there’s no such thing as a bad culture.
[Mr. Boss and Oscar kiss.]
OOscar
Thank you for showing me the silliness of my ways, Pim. I formally declare an end to the eye rule, AND ALL RULES FOR THAT MATTER! NO MORE RULES!!!
[The Spamtopians start cheering as the entire country descends into anarchy and chants "No more rules", a frantic montage showing them murdering each other, committing arson, robbing banks and detonating bombs, taking the "no rules" rule so literally that the laws of physics seem to stop working and Spamtopia implodes in on itself in a massive pile of debauchery as Pim and Mr. Boss watch on. They duck away from an explosion, so violent it literally blows on-screen subtitles saying "no more rules" clean off-screen.]
...we should probably go, Mr. Boss.
Mr. Boss
Yeah, okay, no, let's-let's get out of here.
Mr. Boss
[Opening the back door of the building.] What’s all the commotion out here, boys?
The snowman came to life. There must have been some magic in that old daffodil I found.
Mr. Boss
You mean the daffodils that grow out of my nuclear waste?
[Cut to spilled nuclear waste, where the daffodils are grown into them.]
Oh I must’ve missed that.
Mr. Boss, you’re having the time of your life back there.
Mr. Boss
[chuckling] I don’t know, I love my boys!
I love- I love all of you too. This is great.
This is a great day to be a Smiling Friend.
[Mr. Boss chuckles some more.]
I love being here, this is a fun energy, I like this place.
[Mr. Boss and Smiling Friends arrive at the vacation cabin]
Mr. Boss
All right, make yourselves at home. If you guys get hungry, there's all the slop you can eat. I got a sweet hot tub in the back you can chill out in, and I got Super Monkey Ball for the GameCube.
Oh, I love Super Monkey Ball!
Mr. Boss
Dude, you like Super Monkey Ball? Pim, bro, I knew I liked you, dude. Come here, bring it in- bring it in, brother!
(Mr.Boss and Pim dab up in rotoscope.)
Oh thanks. Thanks, Mr. Boss, that's nice.
[at the cabin, Mr. Boss grills barbecue hotdogs while Allan types in his computer and Glep relaxes in the hot tub]
Mr. Boss
Which one o' you boys wants a hotdog?
GGlep
[speaks excited gibberish]
Mr. Boss
Mm, Glep wants his nommies. [he chucks a hot dog and Glep jumps up mid-air to catch it into his mouth; he drops down in the tub and splashes Allan] Yo, Allan! How d'you like your weiner, dog?
I don't want no hot dog. I've got other things to worry about. I need to draft a long email for our insurance.
Mr. Boss
Allan, like, relax, man! We're on vacation, brother. It's time to chill out!
That's easy for you to say. I have a lot of responsibilit-eyes.
Mr. Boss
Allan, I may be "the boss", but I'm also an employee of life. And I've learned that sometimes you gotta let your hair down and smell the hotdogs! [he sniffs one and punches his thigh, foaming at the mouth] ARRRRGHHH!!!
That's nice, but I still do not want the hotdog.
[Mr. Boss gets sad and angry; he hurls a hotdog at the cabin wall above Allan]
Mr. Boss
S'the last time I try to make a fuckin' hotdog for you, man! [he enters the cabin and slams the door shut. Allan takes a short pause and talks to Glep]
Do you think I was in the wrong there, Glep?
Ooh, cookies. How delectable. May I have a cookie, Mr. Boss?
Mr. Boss
Allan, what're you doing all the way over here? I can barely hear you.
[Mr. Boss scooches next to Allan]
Mr. Boss
Cookie delivery for Allan?
Mr. Boss
Nowhere. It's free.
[eats his cookie] Mm. Delicious.
Mr. Boss
Yeah, it is.
[their intimate moment gets interrupted by a notification on the laptop]
Ugh, more emails. You know what? Fook this effing laptop. I'M ON VACATION!
[Allan closes the laptop and throws it out through the closed window like a frisbee]
Mr. Boss
[serious voice] That was a work laptop, Allan, but I am happy for you.
[Charlie continues playing Grand Strategy IV until he receives a call from Mr. Boss]
Shit! [answers phone, pretend coughs] Hello?
Mr. Boss
[acts nonchalantly] Hey, Charlie. What're you up to?
Hey... [pretend coughs] Hey, I-I'm actually home, uh...sick right now in bed. Pim told you that, right?
Mr. Boss
Yeah, he did, he did. [checks his laptop] The only problem is I can see you on Steam right now playing Grand Strategy IV, [snaps furiously on the phone] you fucking liar, you fucking piece of shit, little fucking rat!
[frantically closes his game] What?! No-no-no-no, I don't know what you're taking about--!
Mr. Boss
[closes laptop] Charlie, I'm gonna make this really simple for you, dude. If you don't get into work by noon, you're fired! [stands up and screams angrily on the phone] YOU HEAR ME?!! FIRED!!! GET IN HERE!!!
[Mr. Boss angrily throws his phone against the wall; he calms down and sits back to his desk]
Mr. Boss
Now where was I? [goes into a fit by panting and rubbing his arms]
Mr. Boss
Yo, Glep.
Mr. Boss
What do you actually do around here, man?
GGlep
Eh... [quizzical jabbers]
Mr. Boss
No, I'm not being funny right now, man. Like, like, what do you do at this company? Can you name one thing? Wh-- What do you do here? Name one. One thing.
Mr. Boss
Why did I even hire you in the first place, man?
GGlep
[jabbers angrily, snaps his tablet in half, and storms out of the room]
Mr. Boss
Oh, you quit?! You can't quit, 'cause you're fired! GET OUT! GET OUT!!! GET OUT!!! [breathes heavily] Well, that sucked. Alright, I'mma go take a dump. [sniffs]
Smiling Friends · 70 quotes
