Charlie quotes from Smiling Friends

Charlie

[While slurping drink]: I do- I don't know, man. I didn't really enjoy it that much, to be honest.

Charlie

Yeah, okay. Okay, look. To be completely fair, I DID really enjoy the scene when Bimblar went rogue, and he beat that woman in the head with the hammer. I thought it was artistically- and, like, tastefully done. I thought it was a well done sequence.

Charlie

Guys, I know this might sound a little bit fucked up to say, but… I'm starting to think, for the good of humanity, we might need to kill the boss's wife.

Charlie

You brought a snowman to life only to teach him he’s gonna die someday? You might be a psychopath, Pim.

Charlie

You know Allan you’re-you’re not just a pretty face man, y-you know you a-you also got some brains up there, did you know that?

Charlie

God, the Boss is funny, he re- no yo- I'll tell you something, he really is funny, and he really should do standup and… [Allan walks to watch] and I love Bill Nye's ghost, so that's awesome, and… [Zoey, Marge, and Glep walk to watch too.] Allan built the rocket shoes and Pim, you made that snowman come to life with the flower… Wow, I just I love my friends, and I love my God, and I love my country, and… uhh, and God bless America I guess, what else can you say?

Charlie

Yo guys, it's me, Charlie. Hey, did that guy just turn into sand?

Charlie

Is that really what I look like, man? I need to lose weight fuckin' immediately. That is really, really bad, dude.

Charlie

[to the Shmaloogles] Hey, hey, stop doing your stupid little dance! The village was just attacked and your friends were kidnapped, and you're not gonna do anything about it except for dance around and talk in nonsense?! You suck, and you're weak little cowards!

Pim

This is gonna be great Charlie! I love helping kids. I love kids, Charlie! I LOVE KIIIIIDS!!

Charlie

Whoa, Pim, I REALLY wouldn't be screaming that at the top of my lungs.

Charlie

What's, uh... What's up, man? What's happening, big guy? What's with the gun?

Oh, nothing. I was probably gonna use it to shoot myself or somethin'.

Charlie

Oh, you don't need to do that, man. Why don't you just... put the gun down, buddy?

Pim

Yeah, d-don't worry. Things are gonna be OK. W-what's wrong?

Well, life's not going that great for me. [slowly zoom in with somber background music playing] My wife left me, my kids left me, my dog died from a broken heart last fall. So I don't know. Yeah, probably just gonna end it all or somethin'.

Charlie

Pim, can I, uh... Can I talk to you for a second? [talks to Pim in a hushed voice] Look, Pim, I know it's our job to help this guy and everything, but I think this guy is a lost cause. He has obviously made up his mind. Why don't we just cut our losses and get out of here?

Pim

Oh, come on. That's nonsense, Charlie. We've never given up on a job so far. [walks up to Desmond in an innocent manner] Um, hello there, sir. I know you don't know who I am, but my name is Pim. I know right now things seem bleak, but I promise to you that by the end of this beautiful day, you will have a big gorgeous smile on that handsome face of yours. Oh, won't you give us a chance? [Desmond pauses for a beat]

OK. But if you can't help me... [zoom in on Desmond talking in a disturbing deep machine voice] I'm gonna fuckin' shoot myself and make you two watch.

Pim

OK, not sure about that, but yaaay!

Charlie

Dude, this house is insane! There's like a thousand rooms in here. You have a gym, you got a theatre, [sees wild animals fighting aggressively to death behind a glass window] and you've even got a beautiful animal sanctuary.

Mr. Frog

Yes. But if I don't get my job back on the Mr. Frog Show, I'll lost it all. Hello.

Pim

Well, first things first, have you thought about just apologising for putting that TMZ reporter in your mouth? That was pretty bad.

Mr. Frog

Hello. But I'm not sorry.

Pim

[thinking] Hm... All right, that definitely makes it harder. Um, let's see... [Mr. Frog appears next to Pim's other side]

Mr. Frog

Um, can I pull your hair?

Pim

[scared] Uh, no. No, please don't.

Charlie

No, no, no, no. Screw apologising! All we have to do is rehabilitate his image.

Pim

I guess we could try to make the world see the good side of Mr. Frog. How hard could that be? [both look at Mr. Frog for a beat; Mr. Frog pauses before suddenly pulling Pim's "hair" on top of his head, later revealed to be an exposed nerve ending] GAHH--!!! [the scene transitions to the next one]

Pim

All right, somehow no drugs was worse than drugs. Charlie, if we can't get him under control, I don't think we're gonna be able to help him.

Charlie

Don't worry, Pim, I am way ahead of you. [holds a canister of pills] I gave him some of these already.

Pim

[concerned] Charlie, what did you give him?

Charlie

My uncle had some sleeping pills laying around to help him sleep at night after he rammed his car into a crowd of people.

Pim

Your uncle seems to get into lots of car accidents.

Charlie

Yeah, he loves his cars. He loves his cars. [Pim sees a drugged Mr. Frog floating in the pool, laughing watching a video on his phone]

Pim

Is it safe for him to be in that pool when he's on them?

Charlie

Yeah, no one's ever done anything crazy on sleeping pills.

Charlie

Uh, Smiling Friends. Are you the one who called?

Shrimp

[In a monotone/drone like voice] Yes, I called. It is I, Shrimp. That is my name.

Charlie

Hey Shrimp, what's going on, man?

Shrimp

SIGH. My girlfriend just broke up with me. I am heartbroken.

Shrimp

How do I look, yellow man?

Charlie

...Y-You look like you're about to tell your friend not to come to school tomorrow, man.