If we can make your audio and video files smaller, we can make cancer smaller. And hunger. And... AIDS.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
It looks like a guy sucking a dick, with another dick tucked behind his ear for later. Like a snack dick.
I checked with the Secretary of State website, and there's already a "Pied Piper" operating in California. So we need to change our name.
Thank God!
Praise the dark lord, that's great news.
No, it's not great news. We love the name Pied Piper. It's a classic fairy tale.
Well, I looked it up. It's about a predatory flutist who murders children in a cave.
It has all of that going for it, Richard, and I still hate it.
AArnold
You remind me of my son. He's got Asperger's too.
Oh, no, I don't uh...
AArnold
Probably all those pesticides they put on the crops. Well, whatever it is your business does, I don't think it's going to interfere with my irrigation company here. I'm thinking about getting in another line of work anyway. All these foreigners coming over here, putting pieces of shit like that all over the good farmland around here [points to server farm]. All so people can sit around, stare at their phones all day. Nobody jerks off to magazines any more.
Hey, Dinesh. Dinesh. I'm on the phone with the bank and they say they need an extra form for your payroll, because of your visa?
Visa? What visa? I'm a fucking US citizen.
[on phone] I have Dinesh Chugtai here, and he's pretty irate because... Oh, I see. Bertram Gilfoyle is the foreign national. Citizen of Canada. Okay, thank you.
You're Canadian?
Your "borders" are merely a construct. I prefer to think of myself as a citizen of the world.
Do you mind just sending them the form so they know you're here legally?
Yes, I mind. And also I may not be. To wit, maybe you could make out my checks to cash? Or bitcoin.
I didn't know I was working with an illegal.
The irony.
You know who else is Canadian? Justin Bieber. The Hitler of music.
Hitler played bassoon. So technically Hitler was the Hitler of music.
Time is a sphere, and I have been reincarnated in the same time at which I exist!
Richard, I'm just gonna recap for a second, um, you turned down ten million dollars to be able to develop something that you, as the head of the company, can't even describe to another human being? I say this only to motivate you
You know, I wish this was Roman times.
I would have been a slave!
There’s still time.
FRFlo Rida
Y'all put your hands together for my brother! The illest, the chillest, emperor of Rome, big Pete Gregory!
Thank you, Florida. Welcome to the Peter Gregory foundation's fourth annual orgy of caring. The first three were fine. I hope that you enjoy the party. There is a second bar in back where the line is much shorter. Thank you. I'm finished.
I half-jokingly said to Gilfoyle last night it looks like Richard’s gonna suck Erlich’s dick. But that would be reasonable compared to this.
I always knew I was missing something, and then when someone explained the concept of ‘game’ I remember very distinctly thinking ‘That’s what I don’t have.’
Fuck you, the audio’s still working! Audio worked a hundred fucking years ago, you fucking piece of shit!
I’m already smiling, do you really have to paint me giving the thumbs-up? It’s gratuitous.
WWaiter
Are you enjoying your asparagus, sir?
I was never enjoying it. I was only eating it for the nutrients.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Silicon Valley pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.