Mycroft Holmes quotes from Sherlock

Mycroft Holmes

I have, by the way, a job offer I should like you to decline.

Sherlock Holmes

I...decline your kind offer.

Mycroft Holmes

I shall pass on your regrets.

Sherlock Holmes

What was it?

Mycroft Holmes

MI6. They want to place you back into Eastern Europe. An undercover assignment that would prove fatal to you in, I think, about six months.

Sherlock Holmes

Then why don't you want me to take it?

Mycroft Holmes

It's tempting, but on balance, you have more utility closer to home.

Sherlock Holmes

Utility! How do I have utility?

Mycroft Holmes

Here be dragons. [coughs on his cigarette] This isn't agreeing with me. I'm going in.

Sherlock Holmes

[amused] You need low tar. You still smoke like a beginner.

Mycroft Holmes

Also...your loss would break my heart.

Sherlock Holmes

What the hell am I supposed to say to that?!

Mycroft Holmes

Merry Christmas?

Sherlock Holmes

You hate Christmas.

Mycroft Holmes

Yes. Perhaps there was something in the punch.

Sherlock Holmes

Clearly. Go and have some more.

Sherlock Holmes

Mycroft

Mycroft

Hello little brother. How's the exile going?

Sherlock Holmes

I've only been gone four minutes.

Mycroft

Well, I certainly hope you've learnt your lesson. As it turns out, you're needed.

Sherlock Holmes

Oh, for god's sake, make up your mind.

Mycroft Holmes

He's right, you know.

Sherlock Holmes

So what if he's right? He's always right, it's boring.

Sherlock Holmes

Don’t read them out.

Mycroft Holmes

“Free as a bird.”

Sherlock Holmes

God, you’re such a spoilsport.

Mycroft Holmes

Will you take this matter seriously, Sherlock?

Sherlock Holmes

I am! What makes you think I’m not taking it seriously?

Mycroft Holmes

“#OhWhatABeautifulMorning”

Sherlock Holmes

That’s her, John and Mary’s baby.

Mycroft Holmes

Oh, I see, yes. Looks very… fully functioning.

Sherlock Holmes

Is that really the best you can do?

Mycroft Holmes

Sorry, I’ve never been very good with them.

Sherlock Holmes

Babies?

Mycroft Holmes

Humans.

Mycroft Holmes

Are you having a premonition, brother mine?

Sherlock Holmes

The world is woven from billions of lives, every strand crossing every other. What we call premonition is just movement of the web. If you could attenuate to every strand of quivering data, the future would be entirely calculable. As inevitable as mathematics.

Mycroft

(after being subjected to a staged event intended to suggest that Eurus is attacking him) Doctor Watson, why would he do that to me? That was insane!

Er, yes, well, someone convinced him that you wouldn't tell the truth unless you were actually wetting yourself.

Mycroft

Someone?

Probably me.

Mycroft

So that's it, is it? You're just going?

Well don't worry. There's a place for people like you; the desperate, the terrified, the ones with nowhere else to run.

Mycroft

What place?

221B Baker Street. See you in the morning. If there's a queue, join it.

Mycroft

(to Watson) This is a private matter.

Sherlock

John stays.

Mycroft

This is family.

Sherlock

THAT'S. WHY. HE STAYS.

You look funny grown up.

What’s wrong?

Mycroft

Sorry. The memories are disturbing.

Sherlock

What do you mean? Examples?

Mycroft

They found her with a knife once. She seemed to be cutting herself. Mother and Father were terrified; they thought it was a suicide attempt. But when I asked Eurus what she was doing, she said-

I wanted to see how my muscles worked.

Jesus.

Mycroft

So, I asked her if she felt pain and she said-

Which one’s pain?