Carrie Bradshaw quotes from Sex and the City

Carrie

I came here today because I needed to say how sorry I am. I am deeply sorry for what I did to you. It was wrong, and I'm sorry.

Are you through?

Carrie

Yes. Thank you for listening.

Wait. I'm sorry, too.

Carrie

You are?

Yes. I'm sorry about it all. I'm sorry he moved to Paris and fell in love with me. I'm sorry that we ever got married. I'm sorry he cheated on me with you, and I'm sorry that I pretended to ignore it for as long as I did. I'm sorry I found you in my apartment, fell down the stairs and broke my tooth. I'm very sorry that after much painful dental surgery, this tooth is still a different color than this tooth. Finally, I'm sorry that you felt the need to come down here. Now, not only have you ruined my marriage, you've ruined my lunch.

Charlotte

It's infuriating! Women sit around obsessing about what went wrong over and over, and men just say "all righty" and then move on.

Samantha

I take offense at that generalization. Not all women sit around and obsess about men. As soon as my relationships are over, I move on.

Carrie

Relationships?

Samantha

You know, dates.

Charlotte

Samantha, your face is glowing. Did you get a facial or something?

Samantha

I masturbated all afternoon.

Carrie

All right, then.

Miranda

Seriously? All afternoon?

Samantha

Well, two, two and a half hours.

Miranda

Who's got that kind of time? I like to get in and get out.

Samantha

Well, I enjoy a quickie every now and then too, but when it's good like today, I go with it. I masturbated to my priest.

Charlotte

Your priest?

Samantha

Friar Fuck.

Carrie

Okay, I think we might have to get Charlotte a crash helmet.

Charlotte

You have a priest?!

Carrie

No, no, no, no. She wants him, but she can't have him. It's all very Thorn Birds.

Samantha

In my fantasy he tears the food I'm carrying for the homeless out of my arms, rips open my dress, lays me down in the street and enters me.

Miranda

What do you do for the next two hours and 20 minutes?

Charlotte

Stop! You're talking about a priest!

Samantha

It's a fantasy! I can masturbate to whomever I like. It's imagination. It's fun and perfectly healthy.

Samantha

[about her nude photographs] This is not about a man's approval. This photo is just for me. So when I'm old and my tits are in my shoes, I can look at it and say, "Damn, I was hot."

Miranda

Isn't that a little narcissistic?

Samantha

No one thinks it's narcissistic when you get your seventh-grade picture taken.

Charlotte

You weren't naked in that.

Carrie

That we know of.

Charlotte

We're supposed to be getting to know each other again, not... not...

Samantha

Fucking against a hand dryer?

Charlotte

It's so confusing. Are we dating or are we back together? Is he my boyfriend or my lover? Or my ex-husband whom I have sex with occasionally in coatrooms?

Miranda

And bathrooms.

Carrie

I'm going with "d) all of the above".

Samantha

Oh, who cares what you are? Just enjoy it.

Charlotte

No, I need to know where we're going.

Carrie

Yes, we'd like to know where you're going as well, since evidently you'll be having sex there.

Charlotte

Right in the middle of the movie, I gave him a blow job. In the theater.

Carrie

Crouching Charlotte, Hidden Hummer.

Charlotte

And you know, you guys were right. Once I stopped defining everything, I realized how great Trey and I have it.

Samantha

Congratulations, sweetie. It sounds like you got a nice, healthy relationship.

Carrie

[voiceover] Charlotte realized if Samantha defined her relationship as healthy, she had one sick relationship on her hands.

Carrie

[on the phone] You just caught us a little off guard with the lesbian thing.

Samantha

That's just a label, like Gucci or Versace.

Carrie

Or Birkenstock.

Samantha

This is not about being gay or straight. Maria is an incredible woman. She's got passion, and talent, intelligence...

Carrie

A vagina.

Samantha

Oh, vagina schmagina!

Carrie

"Schmagina"? Is that what the lesbians are calling it?

Samantha

[about her relationship with Maria] All we ever do is lie around, take baths together and talk about feelings.

Charlotte

I think they call that a relationship.

Samantha

I don't know how you people do it. All that emotional chow-chow, it's exhausting.

Miranda

I know, don't you just hate that?

Carrie

Women.

Charlotte

I promise, I won't become one of those mothers who can only talk about Diaper Genies.

Carrie

Good!

Samantha

[after Charlotte walks away] What the hell is a Diaper Genie?

Carrie

I don't know. Someone you hire to change your kid's diaper?

Carrie

How did this happen? How did they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?

Miranda

I bet there's one loud-mouth guy who found some woman who loved it and told everybody, "Women love this!"

Carrie

Who is this guy?

Miranda

Who's the woman who loved it?

Samantha

Don't knock it until you try it!

Carrie

Bingo!

Samantha

Men. We have to run to Helga the Hot Waxer every other week, but them? How would they like it if we told them to shape their hedge, trim their trunk?

Carrie

Plant their bulbs? I'm sorry, we are talking about gardening, aren't we?

Samantha

I lost my orgasm.

Carrie

In the cab?

Charlotte

What do you mean, "lost"?

Samantha

I mean, I just spent the last two hours fucking with no finale.

Carrie

It happens. Sometimes you just can't get there.

Samantha

I can always get there.

Charlotte

Every time you have sex?

Carrie

She's exaggerating. Please say you're exaggerating.

Samantha

Well, I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes! When I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come.

Carrie

You're sleeping with Steve?

Miranda

Slept. Once. Singular. It was a mercy fuck. I felt bad, he only had one ball.

Carrie

Well, I guess that's all he needed.

Miranda

Yeah, no kidding! Apparently the other one was purely ornamental. God, I'm such a fucking idiot! Why didn't I use a condom?

Carrie

You didn't use a...

Miranda

He only has one ball, and I have a lazy ovary. In what twisted world does that create a baby?

Carrie

Yeah, I see your point.

Miranda

It's like the Special Olympics of conception!

Charlotte

You're getting engaged!

Carrie

I threw up. I saw the ring and I threw up. That's not normal.

Samantha

That's my reaction to marriage.

Samantha

[answering the phone] Well, it's about fucking time! Get over here and do me!

Carrie

Is that your standard greeting now?

Samantha

Oh, sorry, I thought it was Richard.