Carrie Bradshaw quotes from Sex and the City

Samantha

[to the girls] That fucking Richard is fucking the entire styles section, and for the first time in my life, I actually give a shit! I think I have monogamy. I must've caught it from you people!

Carrie

Now it's airborne.

Miranda

[reading the card Richard wrote Samantha] "Style for style. Best, Richard."

Carrie

"Best." Yikes.

Miranda

"Best" is the worst.

Carrie

Yeah, even Gold and Vogel give you "sincerely."

Samantha

"Best" is like signing "Not love."

Miranda

I'm telling you, the fat ass, the farting—it's ridiculous. I am unfuckable. And I have never been so horny in my entire life.

Carrie

Really?

Miranda

Yeah. That's why you're supposed to be married when you're pregnant, so somebody is obligated to have sex with you.

Samantha

Is a three-way with a 21-year-old a bad idea for Richard's birthday?

Carrie

What are you gonna give him next year? A four-way?

Miranda

[about Brady] He has to get baptized and wear a dress.

Carrie

Baby's first drag show. It's a very odd tradition.

Miranda

Oh, don't even get me started. It's all about cleansing this little baby of his sins, when clearly, babies come into the world with a clean slate and we're the ones that fuck 'em up.

Carrie

So, you're a pessimist, right?

Miranda

Have we met?

Carrie

[about Stanford's new boyfriend] So, what does this Marcus do?

Stanford

Okay, before I tell you, you have to promise not to judge.

Carrie

Do I judge?

Stanford

We all judge. That's our hobby. Some people do arts and crafts. We judge.

Carrie

I'll be kind.

Stanford

He's a dancer. Radio City Music Hall.

Carrie

I feel as though my hands are tied.

Samantha

If I walked in on you, giving a blowjob to a Worldwide Express guy—

Carrie

You would never walk in on me, because that is something I would never do!

Samantha

There! And I cannot believe that you would judge me, after everything that we've been through.

Carrie

Samantha, where are you going?

Samantha

I'm gonna splash some water on my face, and then I'm going home. And I will not be judged by you or society. I will wear whatever, and blow whomever I want, as long as I can breathe and kneel!

Carrie

[about Nina Katz] Damn! Why is that girl still bothering me?

Samantha

Honey, you have to let it go. If I worried what every bitch in New York was saying about me, I'd never leave the house.

Samantha

[after Carrie asks her to help Miranda with her baby] Babies are not my scene! And from what I've heard, this one sounds like an asshole.

Carrie

You can't call a baby an asshole.

Samantha

Why not? She called it a meatloaf.

Miranda

It's times like this I wish women could go to male prostitutes.

Samantha

Women do.

Carrie

No, no, only in bad screenplays and first novels.

Miranda

That is an incredible investment idea. We should open a brothel where the men are cute and the sheets are 500-count Egyptian cotton. Samantha, you can be the madam.

Samantha

Well, at least it's something new.

Carrie

We could put one in every neighborhood, like Starbucks.

Samantha

Starfucks.

Charlotte

[after Carrie's flamboyant friend announces he's getting married to a woman] I thought he was gay!

Miranda

Uh, yeah, "Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle"? That has to be the gayest sentence ever uttered.

Samantha

He must be marrying her for the money!

Carrie

He doesn't need the money. He was one of the original investors in A Chorus Line.

Miranda

Just when you thought you'd never hear a phrase gayer than "Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle."

Samantha

I love the stock market. A room full of screaming, sweating men all trying to get it up.

Miranda

I don't invest anymore. It's too volatile.

Carrie

Exactly. I like my money right where I can see it—hanging in my closet.

Samantha

Did you finally bugger Berger?

Carrie

How long have you been waiting to say that?

Samantha

It just occurred to me.

Carrie

Yes, we finally buggered.

Charlotte

[clapping] Yay!

Miranda

[to Charlotte] You realize you're now applauding intercourse?

Samantha

[about Carrie's disappointing sex with Berger] Dump him. Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.

Carrie

Is that the saying?

Samantha

That's my saying.

Samantha

Someone should tell Crazy that owning a hot glue gun does not make you a hot purse designer.

Charlotte

[whispering] Don't call her crazy!

Samantha

Look at this. I'd rather carry a colostomy bag.

Carrie

Ladies, these aren't bags, they're baggage. We are standing among the ruins of her last relationship. And it was one ugly breakup.

Miranda

I resent this. The only one who should have to pay for a bad relationship is the person in your next relationship.