Velma quotes from Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated

Velma

I knew it! Anyone with hair that perfect has to be guilty of something.

Velma

Another mystery bites the dust.

Way to go, gang!

Daphne

Let's celebrate!

Yeah, celebrate. (Sheriff Stone closes the cell door)

Huh?!

Sheriff Stone

Better idea.

Aw, come on, Sheriff.

Sheriff Stone

Just cork it. You see this badge? Know why it's here?

Velma

It came with the shirt?

Sheriff Stone

It's here because if there's a crime, I solve it. (goes to the office door) Oh, and by the way, I've called all your parents, who by now I have on speed dial. (mocking) Oh, are you in trouble. Especially you, Fred. Say hi to dad, the Mayor. (leaves)

Daphne

Just once it would be nice if someone thanked us for solving a mystery.

Good thing we're not in this to be liked. (Scooby, Shaggy, Velma and Daphne look a little annoying to him) You know, that didn't come out quite right.

Velma

Welcome to the Crystal Cove haunted tour. I'm your ghoulish guide Velma. The first documented case of the curse of Crystal Cove is from 1630, when a garrison of Spanish conquistadors mysteriously vanished from the harbor.

Oh, that is so scary! Where did they go?

Velma

What part of the word "mystery" didn't you understand? The curse struck again in 1765 when an entire town of missionaries likewise disappeared. Anyway, things were pretty quiet until 100 years later, when Cletus Darrow found gold here and renamed the town Crystal Cove. Most people thought the curse had been lifted, until the entire Darrow family disappeared one Halloween and was never seen again. (Velma plays a tape of the Darrow family screaming) Moving on. (Velma leads the tourists inside to the exhibits) Since the disappearance of the Darrow family, Crystal Cove has been a hub of paranormal activity. You might recognize some of our more famous visitors. Ghostly deep sea diver Captain Cutler, Miner '49er, Charlie the Haunted Robot, and who could forget the terrifying stylings of Space Kook? Not me.

Oh! How frightening!

Oh! Absolutely blood-curdling.

Velma

Not really. They all turned out to be fakes. (The tourists gasp and talk amongst themselves) Yep. Captain Cutler, was just some guy who was hijacking boats. Miner '49er's real name was Hank. Charlie belongs to Mr. Jenkins who thought it would be easier to run an amusement park with a crazy robot. And Space Kook? Oh! Don't get me started! (Angie and Dale cover Velma's mouth)

Thank you, Velma. Well, that concludes the terror-ific tour.

Angie

Don't forget to stop in at the haunted snack shop for souvenirs and your complimentary undead sipper cup. (The tourists run off) What do you think you were doing?

Are you trying to destroy our business?

Velma

Reboot, parentals. I was just being honest.

Those were isolated incidents in Crystal Cove's otherwise-unblemished supernatural past of hauntings and paranormal happenings.

Velma

Your generation's belief, not mine. My generation, we only got one thing on our minds…

Velma

These are military. From the oxidation, probably 30, 40 years old.

Daphne

(finds locket) Fred, I found something! (Opens locket and music plays)

Hmm, could be a clue. Good work, Daphne.

Daphne

Thanks, Fred. You're so sweet... (looks up. Fred has walked away, looking for clues) It's okay. We can talk later, um...

Sheriff Stone

All right, you see what happens when you kids stick your noses where they don't belong? People get cocooned!

Shaggy

Like, man, we found them like that.

Daphne

(trying to show what she means with her hands) Sheriff, there was a monster…

Sheriff Stone

Quiet. From this point forward this is a crime scene and future tourist attraction - stay out of it. (walks away)

Velma

I gotta stay out of it right here. (holds up fist)

Let me talk to him. (walks away)

Daphne

(dreamily) Don't worry. Fred will make him understand.

(runs back carrying body) Shaggy, start the car!

Shaggy

Like, I thought you were going to talk to him.

He wasn't in a listening mood.

Velma

(opens back of the van) So you stole a body? Rockin'. (Fred throws the body in the trunk)

Don't worry. I know just who can help us. (school bell rings)

All right. Who can tell me what photosynthesis is? (they all raised their hands up) And please don't say "plant farts". (they all lowered their hands) (sighs) (door opens and Professor Raffalo sees Fred and Shaggy carrying the body in the classroom)

Professor Raffalo, we need your help. (classmates scream and run out)

Emmanuel

Couldn't you kids have waited for break?

Angel

Mm, yeah, Crystal Cove. That was the Rotten Brains with their single, Zombie Housewife Blues. I'm Angel Dynamite. And you're listening to K-Ghoul 101.4 on your AM dial. (Shaggy knocks the door) I was wondering when y'all was gonna show up. He's in the back.

Daphne

(Angel opens door. Fred is lying down with his head on the record player) Fred? It's us. We're here for you. (sits down next to him. Scooby Doo licks his hair)

It's no use, gang. I was the one who stole the body and Professor Raffalo paid the price. I should have listened to my dad and stayed out of any new mysteries.

Velma

We all helped steal the body, Fred.

Shaggy

Well, I actually never took... (Velma elbows him in the ribs) Ow! Okay, fine. Yes, we all took part, Freddie.

Daphne

Fred Jones, you've never backed away from a mystery in your life.

I've got nothing!

Velma

Man up, Fred. We still have our first clue, the cocoon. I brought a sample... (Scooby is eating the slime from the cocoon) Scooby, what are you doing?

What? It's Ruitmeir's! Yummy! (Starts eating again)

Velma

Eww!

Angel

Check it out. If that dog mutates, I'm putting it down. Dig?

Shaggy

Like, hold on, I think I get it. (walks over and tastes the slime)

Ew!

Shaggy

No, you guys, it's Fruitmeir's. The cocoon is made of the same stuff as Fruitmeir's Dessert.

What? (They all get up and taste it)

Daphne

They're right. But if the cocoon is made of Fruitmeir's Dessert...

Shaggy

That means if we capture the monster, we can have our own shop. And we can have an endless supply of Fruitmeir's Dessert. Oh, boy.

No. It means that that Slime Mutant may not be a monster at all. What do we know about Franklin Fruitmeir?

Velma

Franklin Fruitmeir. Showed up in town out of nowhere two months ago. Before that, nothing. He's hiring right now for female servers.

And that's our in.

Shaggy

If the girls can get jobs at Fruitmeir's, they can snoop around and find out more.

Great idea, Shag.

Shaggy

(he and Scooby are dressed as girls). Um, like, uh, this isn't exactly what I had in mind. Why are Scooby Doo and I dressed like girls when Velma and Daphne are girls?

Yeah. My skirts too tight.

Daphne

Because Velma and I refused. (Shaggy and Scooby glare at them)

Velma

Are you two insane?

Shaggy

Mon-mon-monster! Like, right behind us!

Monster? There's no monster.

Velma

Jinkies! Where's Daphne?

Daphne? Daphne? Daphne? Daphne? Daphne?

Daphne

Here. I'm down here. I'm okay, but you better get down here. I think I found something.

This is gonna be awesome! (the cage eventually falls on him, Shaggy, Scooby, and Velma. The slime monster laughs and covers them in slime. Daphne gasps, then sees the slime mutant next to her)

Daphne

Aaaahhh!!! (runs)

Velma

Daphne, run! (Daphne runs past and jumps through hole in the ceiling, followed by slime mutant)

Eat, gang! It's Fruitmeir's!

Daphne

Fred! You saved me!

Not right now, Daphne. I have to figure out why my trap didn't work.

Sheriff Stone

What is going on here?

Mayor Jones

Why is the town's latest tourist attraction cocooned to the wall?

Dad, Sheriff, hold on. You don't understand. That is not a monster.

Mayor Jones

Oh, hopping steamed clams, Fred. Then who is it?

Franklin Fruitmeir.

Velma

He was trying to rob Crystal Cove bank.

Sheriff Stone

Uhh, that's impossible. Franklin Fruitmeir's the one who called us. (Franklin arrives)

What?

I was making a clipper ship out of circus balloons when the silent alarm rang at my home. Oh, good gracious! What is that?

Shaggy

But if the monster isn't Franklin Fruitmeir, then, dude, who is it?

Professor Emmanuel Raffalo?

Emmanuel

That's right. I was trying to scare people away from the sewers while I dug my way into the bank and got rich.

Daphne

But you've got a job as a teacher. Why do you need more money?

Daphne

Yeah, my bad.

Oh, yeah, right.

Shaggy

You're really getting ripped off.

Emmanuel

I discovered that the Crystal Cove caves were connected to the sewer by accident while collecting mold spores for my class. Once I realized the cave led right under the bank, I put my plan into motion. Fruitmeier's gave me secret access to the sewer, so I decided to frame balloon boy for the crime by using his disgusting dessert. I staged my own disappearance to throw doubt on any hint of my involvement. Oh, it was foolproof, genius. That is, until you... you...

Sheriff Stone

Meddling.

Emmanuel

Meddling! Yes, meddling kids and your blasted dog ruined everything.

Daphne

Wait. (shows the locket) What about this locket we found where you were digging? (Mayor Jones is angrier and shocked when he saw the locket)

Emmanuel

Never seen it before.

Sheriff Stone

Alright. Well, guess we owe you kids thanks. You did save the bank. Although you also lost the town a serious revenue stream. Stream of revenue!!!

Velma

(sighs) I am so bored. We haven't had a good mystery in I don't know when.

Daphne

Fred, I think I've read every magazine in your house. What's that?

No, don't!

Daphne

Traps Illustrated? Freddie!

I, uh, I read it for the articles. In fact, it's where I got the idea for this little beauty.

Velma

Who do you expect to trap outside your front door?

Let's find out.

I got a package for, uh, Fred Jones.

Hey, that's me.

What is it?

Shaggy

Like, um, I think it's a box.

Velma

(picks up a card inside) It's from Mr. E! (reads) Saved this for a rainy day. Enjoy.

Daphne

Mr. E gives me the creeps. (Fred starts to open the box) Fred, careful. That could be a bomb! (Fred pulls out a purse) Ooh, strike that. Cute purse! (reaches for it, but Velma takes it)

Check it out! 100% pure gator. Made in Gatorsburg!

Gatorsburg?

Daphne

But that's impossible! Gatorsburg hasn't manufactured Gator products in decades!

Velma

Not since the gator mines dried up!

Gator mines?

Gang, we have a mystery on our hands!

Velma

Oh, sweet Christmas, finally!

Hello?

Mayor Jones

Yello.

Yes?

Velma

(into phone) Hey, Mom. We're stuck in Gatorsburg.

(into phone) The van broke down.

Daphne

(into phone) Think you could come and get us?

Oh, I wish I could, but tonight's race night! You know me and horses! Venus is in it's third retro grade which means I'm betting on Sick Little Monkey to show.

Mayor Jones

Malevolent mushroom caps, Fred. I've already got the recliner in the reclined position. There's no going back from that.

Oh, sweetie, it's dark out. I can't go out in the dark. (Fred, Daphne, and Velma hang up)

Shaggy

(calls and gets the answering machine) Oh, wait. Duh. It's still life night.

Velma

(slyly) I guess we're here for the whole night.

And Scooby-Dooby-Doo.

I got a few hotel rules. (Fred enters the room, but Greta blocks Daphne and Velma) Rule number 1: Boys and girls in separate rooms. No exceptions!

Velma

Then I guess I'm with you, Daphne.

I said no exceptions!

Velma

But, I'm a girl.

Oh, right. Rule number 2: stay in your rooms, no matter what you hear. That includes screams, moans, wails, pounding, claws scratchin', and anything that sounds like a body being dragged across a hard-wood floor.

Okayy...

I almost forgot. Rule number III: no pets (allowed) in the HOTEL!

Time to find out who these greedy gators really are. (unmasks the Creeping Creatures)

Daphne

Grady Gator?

Shaggy

Greta Gator?

Gunther Gator?

But why?

After we ran out of gators, everybody moved OUT of Gatorsburg. But not us.

This here's our home.

Daphne

So with no alligators left, you decided to make imitation gator products and pass them off as real.

Velma

But you couldn't have anyone snooping around Gatorsburg. So you created the Creeping Creatures to scare people away.

Then you could run your gator ring without anyone knowing who you were or what you were up to.

Shaggy

Like, that is one ridiculous plan.

And you know what? We would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling juveniles and your unauthorized investigation of our synthetic gator accessories.

Sheriff Stone

You're telling me this gator stuff is fake? I paid a fortune for this track suit!

Velma

Sorry, Sheriff.

Sheriff Stone

(sighs) Man, I gotta get out of this suit. This fake gator doesn't breathe. It's starting to smell a little... funky. Arrest them... [pauses] even though I have absolutely NO JURISDICTION HERE!! (drives away)

Wait, Sheriff. can you give us a ride? The Mystery Machine isn't...

(gasps)

Shaggy

Zoinks! Like, there's no engine in the Mystery Machine. It's haunted.

Velma

It's from Mr. E.

Daphne

(opens the letter and reads) "Hope you had a good time in Gatorsburg. But be warned, there are more mysteries to come. This is only one piece of the puzzle".

Puzzle? What's that supposed to mean?

Shaggy

Like, I've got a bad feeling we're gonna find out. (The lightning thunderstorms appears loudly in the sky, Shaggy grabs Scooby whimpers)

Mayor Jones

Ah, Fred my boy! Today is a very exciting day for you, because today you learn the family business: politics!

Politics? That's adult stuff! You know, kids my age are into traps and solving mysteries!

Mayor Jones

No they're not, son! You're going to learn all the vital things I do for this community, like create pamphlets and strategize about new places to put parking meters.

Velma

I know a place he can put another parking meter.