Mayor Jones quotes from Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated

Mayor Jones

Silver plated seesaws, Fred, you're not in the love anymore? Then, I'm going to have to let out an unearthly howl and destroy you.

(tying his ascot) Solving mysteries and building traps.

Mayor Jones

That's two things, Fred.

You know what I mean, Dad. We just want answers. Is that wrong?

Mayor Jones

Tickling chin whiskers, Fred. The mayor's son is supposed to set an example.

I'm trying, Dad. In fact, just yesterday, I entered one of my traps in the district science fair. It was rejected for not actually having anything to do with science, but…

Mayor Jones

I just don't want you to make a mistake you'll regret.

You mean, like, making a bad trap?

Mayor Jones

No! Life is not all about traps. It's also about…

Daphne

Fred! You saved me!

Not right now, Daphne. I have to figure out why my trap didn't work.

Sheriff Stone

What is going on here?

Mayor Jones

Why is the town's latest tourist attraction cocooned to the wall?

Dad, Sheriff, hold on. You don't understand. That is not a monster.

Mayor Jones

Oh, hopping steamed clams, Fred. Then who is it?

Franklin Fruitmeir.

Velma

He was trying to rob Crystal Cove bank.

Sheriff Stone

Uhh, that's impossible. Franklin Fruitmeir's the one who called us. (Franklin arrives)

What?

I was making a clipper ship out of circus balloons when the silent alarm rang at my home. Oh, good gracious! What is that?

Shaggy

But if the monster isn't Franklin Fruitmeir, then, dude, who is it?

Professor Emmanuel Raffalo?

Emmanuel

That's right. I was trying to scare people away from the sewers while I dug my way into the bank and got rich.

Daphne

But you've got a job as a teacher. Why do you need more money?

Daphne

Yeah, my bad.

Oh, yeah, right.

Shaggy

You're really getting ripped off.

Emmanuel

I discovered that the Crystal Cove caves were connected to the sewer by accident while collecting mold spores for my class. Once I realized the cave led right under the bank, I put my plan into motion. Fruitmeier's gave me secret access to the sewer, so I decided to frame balloon boy for the crime by using his disgusting dessert. I staged my own disappearance to throw doubt on any hint of my involvement. Oh, it was foolproof, genius. That is, until you... you...

Sheriff Stone

Meddling.

Emmanuel

Meddling! Yes, meddling kids and your blasted dog ruined everything.

Daphne

Wait. (shows the locket) What about this locket we found where you were digging? (Mayor Jones is angrier and shocked when he saw the locket)

Emmanuel

Never seen it before.

Sheriff Stone

Alright. Well, guess we owe you kids thanks. You did save the bank. Although you also lost the town a serious revenue stream. Stream of revenue!!!

Hello?

Mayor Jones

Yello.

Yes?

Velma

(into phone) Hey, Mom. We're stuck in Gatorsburg.

(into phone) The van broke down.

Daphne

(into phone) Think you could come and get us?

Oh, I wish I could, but tonight's race night! You know me and horses! Venus is in it's third retro grade which means I'm betting on Sick Little Monkey to show.

Mayor Jones

Malevolent mushroom caps, Fred. I've already got the recliner in the reclined position. There's no going back from that.

Oh, sweetie, it's dark out. I can't go out in the dark. (Fred, Daphne, and Velma hang up)

Shaggy

(calls and gets the answering machine) Oh, wait. Duh. It's still life night.

Velma

(slyly) I guess we're here for the whole night.

And Scooby-Dooby-Doo.

Mayor Jones

Ah, Fred my boy! Today is a very exciting day for you, because today you learn the family business: politics!

Politics? That's adult stuff! You know, kids my age are into traps and solving mysteries!

Mayor Jones

No they're not, son! You're going to learn all the vital things I do for this community, like create pamphlets and strategize about new places to put parking meters.

Velma

I know a place he can put another parking meter.

Mayor Jones

What's going on here - (notices George Avocados) Avocados.

That's Avocados.

Mayor Jones

(caught in Fred's trap) Screaming pandas, what is the meaning of this?

Dad, we think George Avocados is the ghost trucker, and he's trying to sabotage your reelection!

Mayor Jones

That's completely absurd. Why would a ghost drive a truck when everyone knows they can fly? Especially an eighteen wheeler, those require a Class Six license.

Nice going, Raggy. (laughs) Good job.

Mayor Jones

(arrives) Pickled porcupines. What's going on here, Fred? I was in my office working late, when suddenly it sounds like some demonic force is tearing apart city hall. Tell me it's true.

It's even better, dad. We caught the Ghost Trucker. And he's none other than...

Let me out of here! Aaah! (crawls from out of the Ghost Truck and falls to the ground) Uhh!

Rung Ladderton?

Ooh, ahh, shock. Yeah, yeah, that's right. And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling... peers.

Daphne

Of course. It all makes sense. Rung was using the Ghost Truck to smuggle doorknobs out of Crystal Cove, so he could find Theodore Avocados' missing diamond.

Avocados disguised the diamond as a doorknob. That's why it was never found.

You are correct, my little ascot-wearing friend, but that idiot Avocados didn't say in his journal which crystal knob was really the diamond. So, I had to steal 'em all. And what better way than with a Ghost Truck to smuggle them all out of town?

Velma

We should have known. The other guy who bought the tires was G. Nurno Treddal, a name far too ridiculous to be real, because it's Rung Ladderton spelled backwards!

But Rung, you're rich. You've got everything: ladders, ascots. Why did you need a diamond?

I inherited a ladder company. We make the one product in the world that no one ever replaces. Ladders don't wear out like TVs or personal trainers over 40. (Sheriff Stone handcuffs Rung) No, no. They're built to last, which means no sales. The company's broke.

Daphne

I don't think you'll be needing this anymore. (removes Rung's orange ascot)

Thanks, Daph.

Daphne

No worries. I'm always here for you, Fred. (removes the purple ascot and puts the orange one to Fred) Seriously, right here.

Mayor Jones

I gotta hand it to you, Fred. Your traps actually came in handy this time.

Gee, dad. Does this mean you finally accept what I want to do with my life?

Mayor Jones

(laughs) Oh Fred. No.

Mayor Jones

What in the name of whole wheat toast is going on?

We got him, dad.

You mean her.

Mary Anne Gleardan.

Mayor Jones

Your tutor? But why?

I was trying to scare all the adults out of Crystal Cove so I could run the city my way. (hocking) (to Fred) I told you, I have brilliant ideas. (to everyone) With all the adults gone, there's be no one to stand in my way. I learned about the legend of Qué Horrífico in Dr. Portillo's honors class. It was the perfect solution. I used the high school's theater department for my costume. I went to every kindergarten and elementary school in the city to convince the children to pretend to be spookified. In return I offered them Utopia! When that didn't work, I offered them candy. Whenever the children heard me playing the pan flute, that was their signal to put on their fake hair and fangs and commence spookification. I almost had the whole town cleared of adults. I would have, too, if it weren't for you (speaks latin)

Huh?

(sighs) Loosely translated it means "Meddlesome kids" in latin.

I'm going home. I miss my mom and dad. (The other kids say goodbyes and walk into their homes) By the way, this was lame. (Sheriff Stone handcuffs Mary Anne)

Wait, you're taking me to jail?! But I'm just a kid!

Sheriff Stone

Do you know how many boxes we're stuck with of Qué Horrífico t-shirts, Qué Horrífico pamphlets, Qué Horrífico dance CDs, Qué Horrífico--?

Okay, okay. I see your point.

Don't touch me!

Mayor Jones

(arrives with Sheriff Stone) Hazy fantasie, Fred. Didn't you hear me when I said, "if you see a ghost girl, do not go to the prom with her".?

Don't worry, dad. She may look like a ghost girl, but in reality she's... (unmasks the ghost girl) Alice May. Or she's also known as...

Alice Carlswell.

Sheriff Stone

Carlswell? As in Deacon Carlswell? The Creeper?

That is right. He was my father. When daddy was in prisoned, I vowed revenge on those who put him there. I used his old costume to construct my own. When I found the legend of the evil ghost girl online, I was ready to spring my trap. I grabbed that fool Randy to throw you all off the track. And I kept him hidden and fed in my father's crypt until I could let him go. After that, it was just a matter of getting rid of your precious leader, and Fred. I'm going to zap your gang the way you feeded my father. And I would have succeeded, too, if it weren't for you meddling... schoolmates... of mine.

Mayor Jones

(arrives with Sheriff Stone) Bug-eyed biscuits, Fred. Couldn't you have waited until after the show to catch the phantom?

Sorry, dad. Not with Daphne in danger. (unmasks the phantom)

Daniel Frizette?

Shaggy

Or, like, should we call you Fantzee Pantz?

Fantzee Pantz?

Doth my eye shadow deceive? How did you know?

The villain had to be someone close to the Hex Girls to access the stage.

Shaggy

And the Hex Girls' equipment.

And their bus.

Velma

Someone with a grudge against the Hex Girls.

The Hex Girls took my career. I tried to get revenge by writing bad songs for them, but they can make anything a hit. So, I became the phantom. And I'd do it again if it weren't for the uncanny boy band knowledge of you meddling brats!

Sheriff Stone

Let's go.

Now let's see who you really are. (unmasks the Gnome)

(gasp) The Court Fool? Uh-Oh.

That's my husband, Gill Littlefoot! What did you think you were doing, fool? (hits Gill with her staff)

What I've wanted to do for years: Frame you for the gnome attacks. And once you were out of the way, take your fortune for my own. (Amanda hits him again) Ow! Will you stop that?

Velma

But you're too tall. How could you ever be the gnome?

There's a reason our family name is Littlefoot. (takes off the gnome disguise to reveal his real size) (Everyone gasp) I planned this over a year. And while I've always hid my tiny legs, this finally provided me a way to make them useful. Since Amanda's dislike of pirates was well known, I planted her earring on a victim, hoping to throw suspicion her way. I used my toxin-coated gloves to paralyze all the pirates, but you would not quit. The beautiful part is that because of my--

Sheriff Stone

I believe the medical term is baby legs.

No one would have ever suspected me. That is, until you, meddling, gnome-hating, pirate-loving--

Sheriff Stone

Yeah, yeah, Shrimpo, we got the picture.

(annoyed) All these years, you've looked down on me. Now it turns out I'm actually taller than you. (hits Gill again with her staff)

Ow!

Sheriff Stone

Let's go, little footy. (laughs)

Mayor Jones

Boy, I had big plans for him! Thanks for nothing-- again.

Anytime, pop.

Mayor Jones

So they didn't show! I don't see why we couldn't just seize the ticket money as evidence. Prancing piccolos, Fred. One of your traps actually worked!

Sheriff Stone

Greetings, big and hairy space travelers. As a representative of planet Earth, I welcome you.

Velma

I'm afraid these two aren't space travelers, Sheriff. I'd like to introduce (unmasks the Green Humungonaut) Max Minner and (unmasks the Red Humungonaut) Jax Minner.

Sheriff Stone

It's the Minner brothers? They've been taking care of all of Crystal Cove's insurance needs for years.

Mayor Jones

But how did you know they'd both show up here?

Velma

All I did was double insure the boat repair shop with a policy from both brothers. You see, each brother was only attacking the places the other brother insured.

Mayor Jones

But why?

What do you think? Money.

And the fact that we can't stand each other.

Oh, yeah. That, too.

This intense dislike started back when we were circus strongmen. We had just come up with a great idea for our act: The Hercules apes...

Sheriff Stone

Humongonauts is catchier.

When this jerk decides to break up our act and join a rival circus.

Huh! You were just jealous.

We became bitter enemies who, as chance would have it, both went into the insurance business here in Crystal Cove.

After that, we each focused on the same thing: Destroying each other's business.

And it would have worked, too, if it weren't for...

My meddling brother! (look each other) What? Why, you... (start fighting)

Velma

Mystery solved.

Now, get him!

Grandma Moonbeam?

Mayor Jones

Did we miss it? Where are the bugs?

You're the Cicada Creature? But why?

Isn't it obvious? I wanted to shut down Destroido. I found out they added a secret ingredient to make nature slivers more tasty: Landfill waste! I demanded that they return to my original healthy recipe, but they refused, and because they owned it, there was nothing I could DO. I vowed to get even. I saw a Norwegian documentary about a researcher using sound waves to control penguins' movements. I decided to adapt the idea for my revenge. Since I didn't have any penguins, I used cicadas. And I would have succeeded, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling young people.

Sheriff Stone

Well, now, it's the big house for you, grandma. Let's go.

Mayor Jones

(sighs) Why can't anything in this town ever turn out to be real?

Glad we could help, dad.

Velma

Well, another mystery successfully solved.

Sheriff Stone

Hold it right there, leather-wearing creepy. First section seven forty-one dot B of the Chrystal Cove bylaws; there are no monsters or monster-like creatures allowed in public areas.

Mayor Jones

Unless tickets are being sold.