Velma quotes from Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated

Velma

(flirtatiously) You know, Shag, I have plenty of food back at my place.

Shaggy

Um, like, thanks Velma, but Scooby Doo has had his tongue tattooed with a map of every single pizza joint in town. As you can see, we got it covered.

Velma

Yeah, in drool.

Sheriff Stone

And so you're saying this ghost truck disappeared like a, uh... ghost truck.

Yep, that's pretty much it.

Sheriff Stone

Well, looks like you kids might have stumbled onto a new tourist attraction.

Shaggy

Tourist attraction? Like, man, it nearly dumped us in the cove!

Velma

Besides, we're not even sure it was a ghost!

Sheriff Stone

I'm sorry, but didn't you say there was no driver? That's textbook ghost truck, case closed!

Nice going, Raggy. (laughs) Good job.

Mayor Jones

(arrives) Pickled porcupines. What's going on here, Fred? I was in my office working late, when suddenly it sounds like some demonic force is tearing apart city hall. Tell me it's true.

It's even better, dad. We caught the Ghost Trucker. And he's none other than...

Let me out of here! Aaah! (crawls from out of the Ghost Truck and falls to the ground) Uhh!

Rung Ladderton?

Ooh, ahh, shock. Yeah, yeah, that's right. And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling... peers.

Daphne

Of course. It all makes sense. Rung was using the Ghost Truck to smuggle doorknobs out of Crystal Cove, so he could find Theodore Avocados' missing diamond.

Avocados disguised the diamond as a doorknob. That's why it was never found.

You are correct, my little ascot-wearing friend, but that idiot Avocados didn't say in his journal which crystal knob was really the diamond. So, I had to steal 'em all. And what better way than with a Ghost Truck to smuggle them all out of town?

Velma

We should have known. The other guy who bought the tires was G. Nurno Treddal, a name far too ridiculous to be real, because it's Rung Ladderton spelled backwards!

But Rung, you're rich. You've got everything: ladders, ascots. Why did you need a diamond?

I inherited a ladder company. We make the one product in the world that no one ever replaces. Ladders don't wear out like TVs or personal trainers over 40. (Sheriff Stone handcuffs Rung) No, no. They're built to last, which means no sales. The company's broke.

Daphne

I don't think you'll be needing this anymore. (removes Rung's orange ascot)

Thanks, Daph.

Daphne

No worries. I'm always here for you, Fred. (removes the purple ascot and puts the orange one to Fred) Seriously, right here.

Mayor Jones

I gotta hand it to you, Fred. Your traps actually came in handy this time.

Gee, dad. Does this mean you finally accept what I want to do with my life?

Mayor Jones

(laughs) Oh Fred. No.

Velma

Ugh, not that place! That guy's a total freak!

Shaggy

No, he's, like, totally cool! Just don't mention his nose.

Velma

Hey there, Cappy! What happened to the old sniffer? (Shaggy groans)

What happened? I'll tell it for you! It was a clam that took it, fierce and mighty was he, and reduced me to wearing facial underwear he did! But I'll find him, and I won't stop shucking till I do. Understand?

Velma

Yes sir, Captain Admiral, sir!

Velma

Wow, who are you trying to impress?

Daphne

What, this old thing? I've had it forever. I just want to do a good job. Would you rub oil on my back? Fred likes shiny things, and I'm tired of him staring at nets.

There's a book over here. Daphne read a book once. And that chair, Daphne liked to sit in chairs. And that card catalogue over there -

Velma

Not helping, Fred.

I know. What's wrong with me?

Velma

Hey, Daphne? Let me ask you something. If you liked a boy -

Daphne

Who told you? Was it one of my sisters? [ Daphne mad at Velma] Dawn! Ha! She thinks she's so perfect. Well, what no one knows is, she has a sixth toe on her -

Velma

Um, what are you talking about?

Daphne

I - clearly, not what you were talking about...

Shaggy

Like, we've got him!

Velma

Good going! But how did you find your way out?

(sniffing) Clam cones.

Velma

You were saved by junk food?

Shaggy

Like, what can I say? Junk food and me have a very special relationship.

Velma

Maybe I should ask it for advice.

Speaking of clam cones, I see Skipper Shelton isn't around again. Or are you, Skipper? (unmasks the Man Crab)

(arrives) Ah, back from the Laundromat, I am. And once more does me nose-hammock smell fresh as the morning tide.

Daphne

Wait, if you're not the Man Crab, then who...?

Velma

Everyone, meet Bud Shelton. (grabs Bud's head out of Man Crab disguise)

Who?

Velma

The Trickell's Triquid mascot.

And the inventor, not that dirtball, Trickell.

Shaggy

Like, how did you know, Velma?

Velma

I knew it wasn't a real crab because Daphne never got allergic when she was around it. Plus, when I saw the mole pattern on the cheek of man next to Trickell in the newspaper, I remembered the same pattern on the mascot.

He took the credit for my creation. It was supposed to be called Bud's Bloosh. I was still working on the name. I spent countless hours making the Man Crab costume and even more time building my system of trap doors and stairs under the beach. And in case anyone came snooping in between kidnappings, I hid my costume in a locker big enough to hold it, putting a label with Skipper's name on it over the real label. So if anyone found it, they'd blame him.

Daphne

All that work just to get back at Mr. Trickell? Wouldn't it have been easier and-- more legal to sue him?

Are you kidding? Lawyers take forever. I would have succeeded, too, if it weren't for you meddling brats probing into my crustacean-themed revenge scheme.

Well, "almost" doesn't shuck the clam, (to Scooby) does it, wolfie?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Velma

Shaggy, you promised me you weren't going to use the word 'like' so much. It makes you sound ignorant.

Shaggy

Oh, right. Like, um, I forgot.

Velma

Here, pick out a new pair of pants.

Shaggy

What's wrong with my pants?

Velma

You promised me you were going to start caring more about your appearance.

Shaggy

But I like those pants.

Velma

You've worn them since the eight grade.

Shaggy

They're comfortable pants

Velma

Fine.

(giving tour) This is the location of the most recent attack by the creature that's been spookifying the children of Crystal Cove. (notices the gang) Velma, sweetheart, how are you? (yelling) Sheriff, they're back!

Velma

Mom, please! We just wanted to see what was happening!

There's nothing to see. Not unless you're paying.

Daphne

This is nice.

Watch it, Daphne! Remember, we're married; don't look so happy!

Velma

It's almost sunset. We'd better get inside.

Right. (loudly) Come, two young children, it's bedtime! Grandma's gonna tell you a story!

Shaggy

Oh goodie!

Quick, get inside.

Aren't you going to tell us a story?

Velma

Yes, The End. Now shh.

Mayor Jones

What in the name of whole wheat toast is going on?

We got him, dad.

You mean her.

Mary Anne Gleardan.

Mayor Jones

Your tutor? But why?

I was trying to scare all the adults out of Crystal Cove so I could run the city my way. (hocking) (to Fred) I told you, I have brilliant ideas. (to everyone) With all the adults gone, there's be no one to stand in my way. I learned about the legend of Qué Horrífico in Dr. Portillo's honors class. It was the perfect solution. I used the high school's theater department for my costume. I went to every kindergarten and elementary school in the city to convince the children to pretend to be spookified. In return I offered them Utopia! When that didn't work, I offered them candy. Whenever the children heard me playing the pan flute, that was their signal to put on their fake hair and fangs and commence spookification. I almost had the whole town cleared of adults. I would have, too, if it weren't for you (speaks latin)

Huh?

(sighs) Loosely translated it means "Meddlesome kids" in latin.

I'm going home. I miss my mom and dad. (The other kids say goodbyes and walk into their homes) By the way, this was lame. (Sheriff Stone handcuffs Mary Anne)

Wait, you're taking me to jail?! But I'm just a kid!

Sheriff Stone

Do you know how many boxes we're stuck with of Qué Horrífico t-shirts, Qué Horrífico pamphlets, Qué Horrífico dance CDs, Qué Horrífico--?

Okay, okay. I see your point.

Daphne

I'm telling you, she's up to something!

C'mon, Daphne. So, Alice was using the shower and hanging out in the school basement late at night. Haven't we all?

Daphne

What if Alice is the ghost girl the Sheriff mentioned? You could be in danger, Fred.

Don't you think I'd know if she were a ghost girl?

Velma

I'd be willing to bet... no.

Yeah, me too.

Shaggy

Yeah, like, what do we really know about Alice?

You mean, besides the fact that she's super nice, and her hair smells like peaches, and sometimes I get lost in her eyes, and -

Daphne

Fred Jones, do you like this girl?

(points at his "watch") Wow, look at the time.

Daphne

You're not wearing a watch, Freddie.

Oh. Well, I'd better go find one, then!

Shaggy

Like, wow! I didn't know this year's prom theme was terror and pandemonium!

Velma

What's going on?

Somebody's mom is trying to kill Fred.

Gary

Yeah, thanks, Mystery Geeks, for wrecking our prom.