FFred
Now, let's see who this ghostly monk really is. (unmasks Serra's face)
EEveryone
George Avocados? (The crowd is surprised)
That's Avoc--ah. Oh, forget it. That's right. It is me.
FFred
Yes! Finally! I knew you'd be the villain eventually.
All right, you got me. And I suppose you're wondering, after so many prior misdirects, why now.
Actually, no. Not really. We kind of always knew you were evil.
Hmmph! Okay, fine. Then my tale should not surprise. It all began after I failed in politics. I had no choice but to go into the family business: Farming avocados. Everything was going so well until you mystery brats blew up my crops. I then tried my hand at fortune telling. But when that endeavor failed... I fell back on the Avocados legacy of stealing other people's things. I located the Avocados diamond, stolen by my father. Turns out, it actually was disguised as a door knob, not on a door in Crystal Cove, but on a door at the Burlington Library. When I found out it was among the artifacts sent here for the production. I took a job as a janitor. I needed everyone to stay clear of the basement to give me time to look. I hid the body of Friar Serra in a closet and assumed his identity. Knowing this town's gullibility, I knew a ghost story would give me room to hunt. And I would have succeeded, TOO, if it weren't for Vincent van Ghoul.
So the brown residue that was left behind...
That's right. Guacamole! Now, I want my diamond! (tries to grab the diamond staff but Daphne grabbed it)
Let me see something. This crystal is the diamond!
But, like, hold on. If you were the friar, how did you appear at the rehearsals?
I didn't. I assumed that was you meddling kids trying to trick me into revealing myself.
Don't get too close. They still might have some alien brain-stealing items ready to deploy.
That might be true if they were really aliens, but they are, in fact, (unmasks the Grey, Nordic Alien and Reptoid) Traveler O'Flaherty, Sheela O'Flaherty and Connor O'Flaherty.
FFred
Ah, usually, we all recognize the villain and shout out his name in unison.
Yeah, Velm. Mind cluing us in?
I know all the criminals in Crystal Cove, and these jerks aren't ringing a bell.
Like, you had a wanted poster for them on your wall.
Oh, please. Nobody ever pays attention to those. What is this, the old west?
TOTraveler O'Flaherty
Were that it were, boyo. Then perhaps we could've earned an honest living. When I was a wee lad, we couldn't even afford peat for our fire. So I had to lift it. It turned out I was a right good thief, but then I discovered there were things I could steal other than coal, and wouldn't you know it, my kids had an aptitude for the family business as well. We started getting a reputation for our business, and there were our faces splashed all over the universe. Aye. 'Twas then we got the idea for the costumes because who'd ever say they saw an outer space creature stealing a flat-screen television set? I found out about the Blakes purchasing the Pangaea. Seemed like it was right up our alley, and we'd have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you frittering snappers. (after a short silence) Meddling kids!
But I know what I saw: the aliens, the cornfield, my nose chip!
Actually, Sheriff, during your hypnotic regression, Shaggy and Scooby smelled something on your breath.
SSShaggy and Scooby
Bad clams.
The clams induced a hallucination that made everything seem real.
What about the lights on the road?
A weather balloon that got loose from the army.
FFred
And the Mystery Machine fritzing out?
Too many people turning on their air conditioners at the same time created an electromagnetic pulse that shut the Mystery Machine's engine down.
A farmer writing "I love you", to his wife for their anniversary.
Aw, we must've been standing in the "O" of "love".
FFred
Or the "O" of "you".
It was the "O" of "love", Fred.
So I wasn't repeatedly abducted and experimented on by aliens?
FFred
Doesn't seem so, Sheriff.
Then I'm no longer a victim. And you, O'Flaherty family, are under arrest for THIEVERY AND IMPERSONATION OF INVADERS FROM OUTER SPACE, AND you're going away for a long, long time.
Excuse me, Mr. farmer. What happened to your farm?
FFarmer
Farm? I ain't got no farm. It's gone, all of it. That horrible herd ate everything except the silo. (to Martha) Martha, we are leaving.
Like, did I just heard you say hear? I mean, uh, ha ha ha, hear you say herd.
FFarmer
Skull cattle. Ugliest darn things.
Guys, look at these weird hoof prints. They don't make any sense.
FFarmer
If you really want to get all nosy about it, you should talk to the other farmers in the area. The herd paid them a visit, too.
FFred
So you're saying that this herd of skull cattle also destroyed your farms?
SFSullen female farmer
What's the matter with you? You got potatoes in your ears, huh?
FFred
Huh? Nope, not today. I once had luminescent swamp moss stuffed in my ears when I was trapping toads as a baby. But it came out. Eventually.
SFSullen female farmer
Like a plague of locusts they was. Coming out of the night, they devoured everything in their path.
MFMale farmer
I reckon she's right.
I mapped all the attacks on all the farms in the area, and look, they create an outline of a magnifying glass just like the one the old Mystery Incorporated used as their symbol. It's centered around Destroido.
Cute little moo cows turned into horrible monsters. There's only one mind evil enough to come up with something like that.
SSScooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred
Professor Pericles.
Velma, is there anyway we can spy on the old Mystery Incorporated? Didn't you say Hot Dog Water hooked us up somehow at Destroido?
I almost forgot. Hot Dog Water left us a back door into the Destroido security system when she was there stealing the Planispheric Disk pieces.
FFred
Can you get more volume?
(Velma gets the high volume of the laptop)
You have gone too far this time, Pericles. Too far! (The next scene depicts the conversation of Ricky (Mr. E) and Professor Pericles) This macabre herd of skull cattle you've created is costing millions of Destroido's money. My money. And I currently have 28 of my best scientists listed as presumed missing.
SScientist
(heard in the other room) No, NO! AAAAAHH!
Ricky, one cannot make a genius omelet without breaking a few worthless eggs. Right, Brad and Judy?
You said it, Professor Pericles.
He's a genius, right, Brad?
He sure is, Judy. He sure is.
And make no mistake, Ricky, I will break any egg that gets in my way: Ed Machine, Cassidy Williams, or perhaps even you. My herd of skull cattle is perfect in every way. I have crossbred cows, piranhas, and bees to create ultimate monsters. And I'm their master. My precious creations exist for one purpose: to devour Crystal Cove. My herd of male drones shall level this city to the ground, leaving nowhere for the Mystery kinder to hide the Planispheric Disk.
(The next scene depicts that the gang listened Pericles's evil plan)
Like, he's gonna destroy Crystal Cove!
FFred
Come on, gang. We have to warn the town.
All the roads leading in and out of the city have been eaten. They're cutting us off.
Perhaps as-- as-- a species our time is over. It's evolution, people. We should all submit to the herd. I think I'll see if they're hiring any Sheriffs.
Bronson, although I find your immediate surrender oddly endearing, you're not going anywhere. Kids, there must be a way to stop these things.
I think I have it. It's all the little pieces, all the clues. Especially the fact that Professor Pericles referred to all the skull cattle as male drones. And then there's the sweet cheese.
I think I see where you're going with this, Daph. If Scooby and I can eat all that honey sweet cheese, those things will starve and we'll save the town.
Count me in. I'm ready to eat my way to victory.
That's not what I was thinking. They're like bees. The herd is all male drones. So there must be a queen in the cow hive at Destroido.
Daphne, that's so genius I should have thought of it. They'll be totally protective of their queen. If we could capture the queen cow...
FFred
We could use her to lead the herd away from the town.
I don't know. I don't know. I think my plan of letting the herd enslave humanity is pretty darn good.
FFred
My fake father mayor dad used to keep a helicopter here at city hall.
I still have it. Quick, it's our only chance.
You did it, kids. You saved the town.
I feel a little sorry for those skull cattle. It's not their fault they're horrible genetically engineered mutations.
FFred
Look. (The horrible herd rise in the ocean) Those things are part fish, remember? They can swim.
(The horrible herd swim away from Crystal Cove)
You mean, like, other than release unnatural super predators into the ecosystem?
It's best to just walk away from this one, kids. Just... walk... away.
(Everyone walk away from the horrible herd in the ocean)
(The Zombies Rude Boy and the Ska-tastics arrive and play their hit at the top of City Hall)
ZRZombie Rude Boy
(laughs)
(Martha, Ian and the gang covered their ears except Shaggy and Scooby)
We have to fight this MUSICALLY! We need ultimate POWER CHORD!
(Martha, Ian and the people start dancing unwittingly)
FFred
I'm fighting it, but I can't resist their catchy use of Caribbean mento and calypso with American jazz and rhythm and blues!
Shaggy, Scooby, why isn't it affecting you?
I'm a dog. Music is just noise to us.
And, like, you've heard me sing. I'm totally tone deaf.
Shaggy! Scooby! You're our only hope! It's up to you to save the town! It's up to you to save us!
(Fred, Daphne and Velma start dancing. Shaggy and Scooby are shocked)
FFred
Now, let's see who's really behind the evil ska music. Rude Boy is actually... (unmasks the Zombie Rude Boy)
SSScooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred
Rude Boy?
(Shaggy, Daphne and Velma unmask the three Zombie Ska-tastics)
IHIan Hope
You're alive! But the plane crashed 30 years ago.
Was an elaborate hoax, wasn't it, Mr. Rude Boy?
RBRude Boy
Oi. You blighters got it in for me, right. But yeah, we faked the whole bloomin' thing. All I ever wanted to do was play ska and be super rich and super famous. But apparently, it just wasn't in the tarot cards, maybe the fact that we only had one song had something to do with it. So me and me mates, the Ska-tastics here, we decided we'd fake our own deaths. Then, we could write the perfect song and return to take the music world by storm.
I don't understand, Rude Boy. Why did you wait 30 years to make a comeback?
RBRude Boy
Ah, don't be such a muppet, Martha Quinn. We planned to be only gone one year, but writing the perfect song took bloomin' forever. By the time we'd cracked it, ska wasn't popular anymore. But everyone loves the undead. So, we began dressing as zombie mogs, riding our undead scooters and wearing polycarbonite-lined skull masks to hide our identity.
So, in the end, desperate for success, Rude Boy and the Ska-tastics unleashed a dancing plague on the world using an inharmonic chord with special frequencies designed to induce post-hypnotic suggestion to sell their music.
FFred
Just as I thought, but didn't say. Dance them away, Sheriff. We are done here.
(Rude Boy and the Ska-tastics walk dancing into the police car)
FFred
Now let's see who the Gluten Demon really is. (unmasks the Gluten Demon)
FDFred, Daphne, Velma, Cachinga and Rick Spartan
Francilee Jackson!
Not a big surprise after the work that Cachinga, Daphne, and I did. Francilee's cooking show wasn't taped before a live audience. She made the tape herself, allowing her to work the special effects and adding in the Gluten Demon during editing.
CCachinga
Plus, her stage name is Francilee Jackson, but her birth certificate lists her as Agatha Juniper Schildenheimer.
As AJS, she signed those manifests. She rented that secret warehouse.
And she has a strange food allergy to all things healthy. Which is why she reacted to Cachinga's salad lunch so insanely.
The only thing we don't know is why.
FFrancilee
Oh, y'all, it's so simple. I needed a big comeback. After my cornbread recipe was revealed to have no corn in it, I was ruined. Ruined! My only chance was to open my own bakery where I could serve up my new breakout dish: The double bacon mayonnaise butter-stuffed pasta surprise with buttered bread sauce! Any cook worth their kosher sea salt knows the legend of the Gluten Demon. I dressed up like that and started destroying every restaurant in town so there'd be no competition when I opened mine. And I would have done it, too, been a huge success again, if it weren't for all y'all bread-hating health fanatics!
DDeputy
That's it, boys. Let's roll her away.
(The 2 deputies roll Francilee to the police car)
FFrancilee
(the bowl rolls away from her) My bowl! My precious bowl! NO! My bowl! It's mine! MINE!
(Daphne grabs the bowl)
CCachinga
It's ancient maya by the look of it.
(reads the bowl) TERCERO LLAVE. It's the third key.
FFred
Now let's see who this mysterious woman stealer really is.
(Velma unmasks Dandy Highwayman)
Like, seriously? But you're not even British.
LLibrarian
It's simple, really. You spend a life reading about other people's exciting adventures and never, never, never have one of your own. It's awful. (sadly) I'm so lonely.
Jinkies. How did I miss that one?
LLibrarian
I never really had any friends growing up. All I had were my books. For years I stayed in my room and read about incredible adventures, other people's adventures. Then, I got an idea, I was going to become the Dandy Highwayman. I was going to be the king of adventures and adored by women everywhere. I studied how to do an English accent. I incorporated a motorcycle helmet into my costume's hat and practiced my motorcycle skills for hours and hours. Then, I discovered something unimaginable: the key to a woman's total admiration and devotion. All you have to do is pay attention to them when they're talking. CRAZY, isn't it? It wasn't until I started to moderate the book club that I learned how to listen. From there, I actually became interested in what women have to say. Before long, I was fully engaged in their desires and feelings. I was living in the dream. And I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for you meddling romance killers.
I'm not buying it for a second. You put some kind of voodoo MAGIC SPELL on them, you did.
LLibrarian
Never. I just listened, that's all. Except when the going got tough. I had a little help. (uncovers the earplugs) These earplugs were the only magic I used.
I knew it! I knew there was some kind of trick involved. Listening to women? Who ever heard of such a thing?!
(Mayor Nettles and Daphne arrive)
Jeepers! The librarian? I kind of feel bad for him. You know, he never really abducted the wives. They said they went with him willingly because he was mysteriously charming and--
We know, we know. The whole listening and paying attention thing. We get it already. Whatever.
(Sheriff Stone and deputy take the Librarian into custody)
Sorry to bother you so early, kids. But the neighbors have been calling in constantly with reports of unearthly moaning, inhuman howling, blood curling screams...
In other words, same old same old.
FFred
You can count on us, Mayor Nettles.
We'll see if there's anything mysterious going on here.
Come on, come on, let's go! Let's get this over with.
FFred
After we're finished here, we need to relocate the Planispheric Disk.
Good idea, Scoob. Yeah, you and I will re-hide the disc while you guys check out the scary house.
You're out of luck, Shaggy. Remember? Fred hid the Disk last time. And he's the only one who knows where it is.
Oy, can we hurry? Please?
FFred
Okay, let's get started. But first, well gang, it looks like we got another...
Mystery on our hands! Oh, Fred, we're such soul mates. We're finishing each other's sentences.
SVShaggy, Velma and Scooby
Split up and look for clues?
(The gang splits)
Like, I guess that means we're all soul mates, haha.
(In the present version of Crystal Cove)
EFEvil Fred
Does the dog need walking?
EFEvil Fred
(shows the Canine Grumpets) Perhaps you would enjoy a canine crumpet.
Hmm. That is not a Scooby snack, Fred. Humph!
EFEvil Fred
What difference does it make? (Scooby is shocked) I'm sure they all taste the same.
(grumbling) You eat them, then.
EFEvil Fred
What was that, Scoobert?
(Fred is sitting outside the destroyed City Hall)
FFred
Cut it out, Mr. Traples. It's not funny you imitating Daphne like that.
UWUnknown woman
Freddie, is that really you?
(shows up) Fred, where have you been?
Oh, Freddie, don't look at me. I'm hideous!
FFred
Daphne, is... is that really you?
Of course it's me, silly. And jeepies, you found my scarf. (puts the scarf on her neck) I've been looking all over for this.
Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated · 255 quotes
