Alex Trebek quotes from Saturday Night Live

Alex Trebek

No, it isn't!

Alex Trebek

Let's move on to "Current U.S. Presidents", for $400. And the answer is: "He is the current U.S. President. [No one responds, so more clue is revealed] He has white hair, and you've probably seen him in the news. His first name is 'Bill' [No response] Mr. Goldblum, I know for a fact you had dinner with him recently. His last name is Clinton! His name is Bill Clinton, please someone simply say, 'Who is Bill Clinton?'" Someone just say it! Anyone. [Timer sounds] And the show has reached a new low.

Alex Trebek

For the last time, no you don't.

Alex Trebek

Let's see what you put: "2". The number 2!

Alex Trebek

No, 2 is a number.

I can't read or write.

Alex Trebek

'Titles'. 'Famous Titles'.

Damn!

Alex Trebek

And the answer is: 'This movie title is taken from the name of the book Gone with the Wind.' Mr. Connery.

Dolly Parton.

Alex Trebek

'Titles', Mr. Connery. Not 'Titties'.

Not a fan of the ladies, are you, Trebek?

I've got to ask you about 'The Penis Mightier'.

Alex Trebek

The what? No. No, no, that's 'The Pen Is Mightier'.

Gussy it up however you want, Trebek, what matters is: does it work? Will it really mighty my penis, man?!

Alex Trebek

It's not a product, Mr. Connery.

Because I've ordered devices like that before - wasted a pretty penny, I don't mind telling you. And if 'The Penis Mightier' works, I'll order a dozen.

Alex Trebek

It's not a penis mightier, Mr. Connery. There's no such thing.

Alex Trebek

No! No I'm not!

Well, you're sitting on a gold mine, Trebek!

Alex Trebek

Let's see what all of you wrote. We'll start with you, Mr. Cage. You wrote... and your podium's gone.

I don't know where it went. I'm confused.

Alex Trebek

You lost your podium? I don't see... You know what? I don't care. Let's move on. Calista Flockhart.

Alex Trebek

Settle down, just relax. You wrote...nothing. And your wager? Nothing!

The pen was too heavy.

Alex Trebek

Fair enough. Mr. Connery?

We meet again.

Alex Trebek

Let's see your answer. I guess that's your wager: a buck. Fine. And your answer is..."Futter". Buck Futter. I don't get it.

Oh...I think you do, Trebek. I think you do, indeed.

Alex Trebek

Well, thanks for joining us.

Buck Futter!

Hey. Hey, uh, check out the podium. Look at this.

Alex Trebek

Mr. Reynolds has apparently changed his name to 'Turd Ferguson'.

Yeah, that's right. Turd Ferguson's a funny name.

Alex Trebek

Let's just go with Foreign Flicks for $800.

[buzzing in] Ursula Andress.

Alex Trebek

What?

Ursula Andress, Catherine Deneuve, and Charo, twice.

Alex Trebek

That's Foreign Flicks, Mr. Connery.