Bill Murray quotes from Saturday Night Live

Bill Murray

Punk rock star, Sid Vicious, was arraigned yesterday in the night of the killing of his girlfriend. Vicious' lawyer said that it may be difficult to get a fair trial for the ex-Sex Pistol, considering his name. So, during the proceedings, Sid will change his name from "Sid Vicious" to "Sidney, Not Such a Bad Guy Once You Get To Know Him."

Bill Murray

So if you're a Rhesus Monkey and you want to donate your body to science, please hop in the box and send yourself to "Rhesus Roundup, San Simian, California."

Bill Murray

In Britain, where political campaigns are often a source of unmistakenly British wit, we have this from Prime Minister James Callaghan. Commenting on the likely defeat of his Labour Party by the Tories in the upcoming British election, Callaghan quipped: "When I congratulate Mrs. Thatcher, I won't know whether to clasp her hand or hand her a clasp!" When asked to explain that joke, Callaghan replied: "By the term 'clasp', I mean, of course, a paper clip, such as much be used to hold together the various important papers and documents which, as Prime Minister, Mrs. Thatcher would very likely be handling." [Bill chuckles] There'll always be an England!

Bill Murray

The British rock group, The Who, Cincinnati's Riverfront Stadium, and a concert promoter were named as co-defendants in a $27 million class-action suit, because of the mishap that occurred earlier this week. The legal proceedings was marred, however, when they broke for lunch, four city councilmen were trampled to death.

The press hasn't been overly kind.

Bill Murray

Yeah, I read that stuff: "Saturday Night Live is Saturday Night Dead."

[groans] Oh, come on, geez.

Bill Murray

"From Yuck to Yeech." [cast groans still] My favorite though, is, "Vile From New York."

[groans] Please, Bill.

Bill Murray

Come on! It's funny, it's funny!