Sabrina, the Teenage Witch · Season 1
“Trial By Fury” · Season 1
In this episode: Sabrina Spellman (4), Mr. Rothwell (4), Hilda Spellman (3), Zelda Spellman (3), Salem Saberhagen the cat (2)
Zelda, you’ll never guess who called! I’ll give you a hint: Shelly.
Shelly? Your ex-girlfriend? The one who left you?
She didn’t leave me! She just needed some time by herself.
For two decades?
Three. But, and I repeat, but by the sound of her voice, I’d say she has crawling back on her mind!
I see... Did you happen to mention that you’re a cat now?
Is it that noticeable?
[Sabrina tries to pick up a pencil, but she falls off her chair]
[accusingly] What was that?
[quickly stands up] I dropped my pencil.
[scoffs] Oh, please! I know what’s going on here; you were leaning over to look at your neighbour's test!
[shocked] No! I-!
[interrupting, snatching Sabrina's test] That’s it! Come sit at my desk, you’ll take the test there! Then I won't have to worry about you cheating!
But I’ve never cheated on a test in my life!
Then this should be no problem.
What’s going on? I heard an explosion! [notices Sabrina] Oh, you're just making soup.
No, I’m stirring up a little revenge for Mr. Rothwell.
What happened?
It was so humiliating. He made me take the test in front of the whole class.
Like some sort of zoo monkey?
Yeah. [imitates monkey] Co-Co hate teacher-man! [normally] Anyway, I know I flunked. So, I’m giving him an expanding butt until I can find the perfect revenge spell.
Well, you know nothing says "Pay-back" like [points to page in Magic Book] "Just Desserts"
[reading outloud] "The spell that guarantees he’ll get what’s coming to him"!
But, it’s only to be used as a last resort. You might want to try and deal with him the mortal way, first.
You mean TP his house?
No. Talk to him.
I don’t want to. You talk to him.
Mr. Rothwell?
Yeah?
Hi, I’m Hilda Spellman, Sabrina’s aunt. I wanted to talk to you about the test she took today.
Excellent timing, I’ve just finished correcting them. I’ll find hers.
Oh, thanks. See, she’s upset because she thinks she’s failed, but I know she didn’t because she’s very bright and she studied so hard-
[interrupting] She got an ‘F’
[shocked] That’s impossible! Are you sure you added it up right?
[mockingly] Miss Spellman, I’m a math teacher but feel free to double check. [He gets up from his desk to put the marked papers away and shows off an inordinately large butt. Hilda stifles a giggle] There were fifteen questions. The first five were worth forty points, the next five worth forty-five and the last five were worth fifteen. Sabrina got two of the biggies, three of the middies and one of the babies for a grand total of forty-five points. What percent of a hundred?
Oh! I-er... Fifteen questions, one hundred points, thirty-two... I have no idea!
Forty-five percent! Jeez, no wonder she failed...
[gasps] But I didn’t have a chance to study for this meeting!
I wanted to discuss this rationally but you’re making it hard.
Hey, she failed the test - what do you want me to do about it?
But the circumstances were unfair!
Look, if it makes you feel better, you can blame this on me. But I think we both know these problems start at home.
[sharply] What problems?
Hey, if the kid can’t master the quadratic equation, that says to me: dysfunctional family.
[angered] We function just fine!
Tell it to her social worker.
Would the defendant like to make a closing statement?
[irritated] Yes, I would! Your honour, I’m not a baby-sitter. I’m paid to teach math, and that is what I do. Yes, I could be more sensitive, but let’s face it: The world is full of people like me. People who choose favourites. People who don’t accept excuses. People who are ‘Unfair’. Well, life is unfair and I’m just helping my students to get used to that.
Mr. Rothwell, just one last question: Do you intend to teach high school for the rest of your life?
[scoffs] Are you kidding? I’m just doing this until I can start up my own software company.
Thank you. Well, I will return with my decision and a fresh cup of cocoa.
Wait a second, how can being sentenced to teaching high school be sufficient punishment?
Because it’s the worst thing Mr. Rothwell can imagine.
But now kids are going to be stuck with him, year after year!
Well, whether he means to or not, he teaches a valuable lesson.
Some people are just jerks?
Yes, but if you study hard and you don’t let him get to you, you will pass algebra and then you can forget it. But he’s trapped in math forever.
So he did get his just desserts...
M-hm. And now, I think we should get frozen desserts.
[Salem lies on the windowsill, sighing heavily]
Poor Salem. Are you going to be okay?
I guess... with time... No...!
Don’t worry, you’ll be happy again soon.
Please! Shelly was the love of my life! What would ever replace her in my heart?
Maybe this’ll help;
[Sabrina conjures up...]
A GIANT BALL OF YARN?! [leaps onto it] OH, THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!
[smiles] I thought you’d like it.
Like it?! I don’t even remember her name!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Sabrina, the Teenage Witch pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
