Robot Chicken Season 1 quotes

Heh heh...Douche.

I love you. You love me.

But I'm not in love with you.

Fred

Eh, Barney boy, this is the life!

You said it, Fred. An entire civilization not wearing underwear, you gotta love it!

Fred

Now, who could that be? [Barney laughs; opens the door] Yeah?

Hi, I'm Mr. Rock from FedEx Stone. I got a delivery for Fred Flintstone from Amazonaboulder.com-pebble. [Fred stares at him, confused; sighs] Look, sometimes the rock puns don't fit too well, buddy, you want the package or not? [leaves]

Fred

[reading the letter] "Dear Fred, I hope this distracted you long enough. Signed, Barney. P.S., I invented paper. Bitchin!" [looks over to Barney, who tries to sneak out with his box of Fruity Pebbles] BARNEY, MY PEBBLES!! [rushes over to Barney and tries to snatch the Fruity Pebbles away; Barney manages to escape from Fred with the cereal]

[laughing] You can't catch me, Fred! [Fred tackles him, and starts punching him in the face. Then he grabs nearby a club and hits Fred in the head with it. A cracking sound is heard and Fred falls down on the floor; laughs] Hey, good one, Fred, good- [then he's shocked to see Fred's lifeless corpse, which is a mangled mess. Blood pours out from his head] Uh-oh. [dissolve to him, burying Fred's dead body in his backyard, using a bird as a shovel] Dammit Fred. I just wanted some of your [bleep]in' cereal.

Oh, his head always was full of rocks.

[gasps] A witness! [kills the bird by breaking its spine over his knee, then runs back into the house] WITNESES! [we find more animals as household appliances] THE DISHWASHER!

My goodness Cretacious!

THE RECORD PLAYER!!

He's off his rocker!

THE BIDET!!!

Oh, man, the things I've witnessed...

Is he stone-cold crazy?! You bet Jurassic!

NO MORE PUNS!!!! [stuffs the pterodactyl into the pig's mouth and laughs evilly, as the camera spins around him]

So, he's trying to sell me a tampon, but I said, "It's just a rock!", and he says, "Well duh, everything's a rock!"

Betty

The nerve of some people.

[gasp as they see all of the dead animals, including Dino who is nailed to the wall] OH MY GOD!!!!

Oh lord, please don't stop him before he kills me.

Fruity Pebbles are an important part of this complete breakfast.

[now in a street at night standing next to a female smoker] I love you, you love me.

Either way, it's 50 bucks.

[in prison; sobbing] I love you... [sniff] You love me...

Damn right.

Sit, Ubu, sit. Bad dog. [gunshot]

I don't know...maybe if we use some toys?

[enters the room] Oh yeah. Gonna finish the job. [using a large drill-like, phallic-shaped sex toy emerging from his chest] I'm about to tame that ass.

[fleeing a vampire in his car, he turns to look in his mirror and because he cannot see the vampire's reflection thinks he's fallen off] Ahh, must have lost him. [brakes hard causing the vampire to run into the back of the car and collapse to the ground] You know, while I'm out, I might as well get some milk. [throws the car in reverse running over the vampire's face, not crushing it] Wait a second, I have milk at home. [speeds forward, the tire peels skin off the vampires face and drags the corpse behind the car] La la la, gonna have some milk! La la la....

Hi, I'm Bill Gates. I heard you take insane bets and wondered if you'd be my ass slave for a billion dollars.

[sigh] I'll get my coat.

I'm so bored, Falkor. Is anything going on tonight?

Nothing, Atreyu. Nothing.

What's Bastian up to?

"And then the boy took a big crap." Hey, I'm taking a big crap! Wow!

Everyone in Fantasia's doing nothing. It's like we've been hit by a nothing storm! I think it's time for a neverending party!

♪ Friday night, Boring as can be, Buy some booze, Every cheap, Call up all the crazy... ♪

[to Rock Biter] Those look like big, strong hands.

Don't they?

Can you open this for me? [the Rock Biter opens the bottle with his fingers and it sprayed on her] Spray it all over me!

[showing off dance moves and falls down on her shell] We are so...wasted.

Say my name, Bastian. [Bastian slaps her fanny] Say my name! [again]

[shouting] MOONCHILD!!!

[kills the police officer with his fist] West side.

♪ Neverending party... ♪

[with pants down, holding a laptop computer] I was only halfway done! Halfway done!

There has been a breakout in Boston in which a virus wipes out and deletes all the porn out there; and here is President Bush to address this issue...

And I, the president of the United States have only one thing to say to you guys: Come on, man, it's not funny. Give us back our porn!

Ha ha ha ha, so I threw the senate at him. The whole senate! True story!

Oh my God, that is so funny!

[holding the milk carton in his hand] You made it come out of my nose!

[his phone rings] Go for papa Palpatine.

You have a collect call from- [Vader's voice] Darth Vader.

[sighs] Oh, I-I gotta take this, hold on. Vader! How's my favorite Sith? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, just, slow down. Huh? What do you mean they blew up the Death Star? [Bleep]! OH, [BLEEP]! [BLEEP]! [BLEEEEP]! Who's they?! What the hell is an "Aluminium Falcon"?! [sighs] Okay, okay, s-so who's left? Are you [bleep]ing me?! Well where are you?! Wait a sec, you've been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal? Oh, you must smell like...feet wrapped in leathery...burnt...bacon. [holds phone back as if Vader's yelling] Oh, oh, oh, I'm, I'm sorry I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide. That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet! Do you have—Do you have any idea what this is gonna do to my credit? [phone rings] Ah, hang on, I've got another call. [switches line] What?! I'm very busy right now! Oh. Oh, we-well where're they going? Oh. Alright, um, just get me a turkey club. Uh, cole slaw, I guess. I-I'm not even gonna eat it. W-W-What're you getting? No, see, I-I always order the wrong thing. No, no, no, I'll just stick with that. Okay, bye—wait, what? Oh, a Cherry Coke. Thanks. [switches back to Vader] Sorry about that. [sighs] What? Oh-oh, "just rebuild it"?! Oh, re-real [bleep]ing original! And who's gonna give me a loan, jackhole, you?! Y-you got an ATM on that torso Lite-Brite?! Now get your seven-foot-two asthmatic ass back here or I'm gonna tell everyone what a whiny bitch you were about "Padamamay" or "Panda Bear" or whatever the hell her name is! Oh geez, he's crying! Ha, ha...hey, hey, hey, hey, c'mon. C'mon, don't do that. Just, just, look, ah, y'know, I'm dealing with a lot of crap right now. Eh, Death Star blown up by a bunch of [bleep]ing teenagers, y'know? I didn't mean to snap. [makes jacking off gesture] Oh, oh, j-just get back here. Okay, okay, bye. I-I-yeh-I...I love you too. [Note: Also appears on Robot Chicken: Star Wars]

Pan-Global Oil keeps dumping sludge into the Atlantic Ocean!

That burns my ass!

Forget it, Ted, there's nothing you can do.

Maybe I can't, but Captain Planet can!

[in restroom, Ted is changing into Captain Planet] Captain Planet... [The man enters, sees Ted, then walks away. The scene change to the office, Captain Planet runs by] CAPTAIN PLANET! [scene changes to the streets] CAPTAIN PLANET!! [runs past a guy who is holding an aluminum can with a trash can and a recycling can near him; he throws the can in the trash; Captain Planet notices and kicks the man in the face] CAPTAIN PLANET!

Where are we gonna dump our sludge next?

Well, the Grand Canyon could hold a lot of sludge.

Oh, it sure could.

Yeah, let's sludge the hell out of the Grand Canyon.

Yeah. [notices something off-screen] Hey, is that Ted Turner?

[also notices something, it is Captain Planet on a zipline headed for their office] Yeah, what the hell is he doing?

I dunno, he's on one of those ziplines.

Oh, yeah, is that what they call "ziplines"?

Yeah, ziplines.

Oh, I never thought—

[breaks through the window, knocking away Senator 1 and embedding glass in Senator 2's eye] CAPTAIN PLANET!

You got glass in my eye!

And my foot in your balls! [kicks him in the balls] CAPTAIN PLANET! [holds the senator out the window threatening to drop him]

What do you want Mr. Turner?!

To sign this agreement to not dump any more sludge and I'll let you go.

Okay, okay! [signs the agreement]

This appears to be in order. [drops him] CAPTAIN PLANET! [the senator falls, screaming, to the ground, where he lands in a dumpster and is killed instantly] Protect the environment, or I'll [bleep]ing kill you! CAPTAIN PLANET!

Uh-oh! Are you kids being bad?

Yeah!

You know what THAT means!

Punishment from above!

[singing]

I'm Pestilence Pony! [laughs and sprinkles some gray dust onto the girl below]

I love you, Pestilence Pony.

I'm FAMINE Pony! [neighs, shoots a ray of light, empties a bag of chips the boy is eating, and reduces him to skin and bones]

Yay! WAR PONY!

Hey, what's all this racket?!

[hugging her kids] My goodness!

And I am… [demonic voice] DEATH PONY!

Aw, how sad. The poor thing can't hear.

[scared, eyes wide] No, mom. I think he said—

[singing]

[popping into the screen with a circle] I love you, Apocalypse Ponies!

Pikachu!

Jigglypuff!

[defeats Jigglypuff with a Thunderbolt] Chu chu chu! Pika pika!

Back in your Poké Ball, Pikachu.

I wonder what it's like inside those Poké Balls?

I wonder when you'll shut up and make my dinner!