FKFreddy Krueger
If Ghostface got voted out, take it from Freddy, that would be a dream come true. Ha ha ha ha! You get it? Ha ha ha ha! A dream! Ha ha ha ha! I kill people in their nightmares. That is what I do, that's my thing.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
FKFreddy Kreuger
Fighting boredom is the hardest part of living in the Big Brother house. [Jason Voorhes playing charades, mimes TV, a robot, and a chicken] In case you were wondering, the answer was The Da Vinci Code.
DDoug
I hope I land on Keira Knightley's underwear!
BBudda
[sighs] Everyone wishes for that.
[Later]
DDoug
[to Keira Knightley] I was almost your underwear, ya know.
TTimmy
[when kid 2 gets done raking leaves, he jumps into the pile] Ha, ha! Jerkbutts! [hits a hidden fire hydrant]
K2Kid 2
I got you, Timmy!
TTimmy
I...can't feel my arms and legs.
BSBritney Spears
You can have my black cherry Justin...Ow, my butt!
AAnnouncer
Blackula versus Blackenstein Versus the Black Mummy will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you the following program.
["You Can't Do That On Robot Chicken!" parodies the Canadian Comedy show "You Can't Do That On Television!". Scene changes to colorful lockers]
SGSeth Green
[pops out of the locker] Hey, Sarah.
SMSarah Michelle Gellar
[pops out of another locker] Yeah, Seth?
SGSeth Green
Hey, did I ever tell you about my cousin? She eats nothing but pancakes.
SMSarah Michelle Gellar
Wow. Is she overweight?
SGSeth Green
Are you kidding? She's stacked!
[The audience laugh as Seth and Sarah popped back inside the lockers. Then the Mad Scientist and Robot Chicken popped out of the lockers, and held up signs. The Mad Scientist's sign says "Hey, Robot Chicken!". Robot Chicken's sign says "Bawk?" as in "What?". The Mad Scientist's other sign says "Why did the chicken cross the road?". Robot Chicken's sign still says "Bawk?" as in "I don't know.". Then the Mad Scientist's last sign says "To die in the name of science!", before grabbing the chainsaw and chases after Robot Chicken out of the lockers as the audience laugh]
CRChinese Restaurant Guy
[pops out of another locker] Hey, Breckin Meyer!
BMBreckin Meyer
[pops out of another locker] Yeah, Chinese restaurant guy?
CRChinese Restaurant Guy
Yeah, yeah. You ever see a cat-gopher?
BMBreckin Meyer
Cat-gopher? What's a cat-gopher?
CRChinese Restaurant Guy
Cat go for $6.00 if I put enough MSG on it. [pops back inside the locker]
[The audience laugh]
BMBreckin Meyer
Ha ha! Seriously, is this the only part of the sketch I'm in? [steps out of the locker] I just spent an hour and fifteen minutes in traffic getting here. Granted, it's in a Benz, but this is horse[bleep]! Oh, [bleep] you! You know what? I'm going home, okay? You can kiss my ass. [leaves] I was in Garfield, mother[bleep]!
[We cut to the firing squad sketch where the Bloopers Host is chained up by El Capitano]
ECEl Capitano
Soon you will be free.
BHBloopers Host
Blue skies! Barthy burgers! Girls!
ECEl Capitano
I meant soon you will be free to watch our movies on demand service.
BHBloopers Host
That's still pretty good.
ECEl Capitano
Unfortunately, the only movie we have on demand is Christmas with the Kranks.
BHBloopers Host
Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[We cut to Barth's Burgers sketch where Barth gave Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis plates of ugly, disgusting burgers]
MKMila Kunis
Mac, you know I'm a vegetarian.
MCMacaulay Culkin
Mila, this is Barth's. The only real meat here is in the cockroaches.
BBarth
I heard that! [squashed the cockroach flat]
[Mila threw up, followed by Macaulay, and finally Barth. Then the dog licks vomit]
MCMacaulay Culkin
Now, that's comedy.
[We cut to Seth Green in front of the orange round couch]
SGSeth Green
Please welcome our special guest tonight, Vice President of Adult Swim, Keith Crofford.
KCKeith Crofford
[walks over and shake Seth's hand] Thanks, Seth. [sits down along with Seth] I just wanted to say that y'all are doing a really good job on Robot Chicken.
SGSeth Green
That's great! So, when are we getting renewed for another season?
KCKeith Crofford
Uh, I don't know. [now showered with green slime. The studio audience laughs. Crofford stands up, wiping slime from his eyes] Hahaha. You're cancelled.
[Seth is shocked and stares angrily at the camera]
NNarattor
Previously on Robot Chicken!
[Seth Green stands on a set not unlike "You Can't Do That on Television!"]
SGSeth Green
Please welcome our special guest tonight, Vice President of Adult Swim, Keith Crofford.
[The scene fades to Seth and Keith sitting on the orange couches]
KCKeith Crofford
I just wanted to say that y'all are doing a really good job on Robot Chicken.
SGSeth Green
That's great! So, when are we getting renewed for another season?
KCKeith Crofford
Uh, I don't know. [then showered with green slime. The studio audience laughs. Crofford stands up, wiping slime from his eyes] Ha ha ha ha. You're cancelled.
[Cut to the trial before the Adult Swim Governing Council. Seth Green, the Robot Chicken and the Mad Scientist are trapped by rotating rings like from Superman: The Movie and Superman II. Mike Lazzo appears before them in a spotlight]
MLMike Lazzo
Hi y'all, I'm Adult Swim president Mike Lazzo. The decision of the council is now fixin' to be heard.
PGPeter Griffin
Guilty!
SGSpace Ghost
Guilty.
MSMaster Shake
Oh ho, you're so-o frickin' guilty.
[Seth, the Chicken and the Scientist are banished to the Phantom Zone. The Chicken is holding a sign reading "HOLY *@$#ING ASSCRACKERS!" Seth screams as the Phantom Zone plane spins through space. The Mad Scientist stands silently while looking very nervous]
SGSeth Green
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [takes deep breaths] Aggghhh-!!!!!!! [then the flying saucer hits the plane, smashing it into shards and releasing the captives]
[Two aliens stand on board the flying saucer. Michael Jackson is frozen in carbonite behind them]
A1Alien 1
I think we hit something.
A2Alien 2
Dammit, dammit, dammit!
SGSeth Green
Aggghh!! [falls down onto his seat on the link set from You Can't Do That On Television] Ummff!
KCKeith Crofford
[now cleaned up from having been slimed in the earlier installment of "YCDTORT"] Hey Seth, what happened to you?"
SGSeth Green
I don't know. [gets green slimed as audience laughs]
KCKeith Crofford
[laughs as Seth wipes the slime out of his eyes] You're renewed.
[Seth, still covered in slime, looks into the camera and grins]
VGVideo Game Kid
[thinking the game lost] Aw! Goddamn it! [walks out]
[controller stick sticks out, revealing to be a man inside the arcade machine "Saxxon"]
MMan
[zipping his pants to block the controlling stick] Thank you, Saxxon. Hello, centipede!
[At the hospital, Mr. Potato Head is witnessing Mrs. Potato Head, who is about to give birth]
PHMr. Potato Head
Come on honey. One more push; big push! [Mrs. Potato Head pushes, and surpsisingly, a baby carrot comes out instead of a baby potato] You whore!
SMSkater McGee
Now pay attention! Skater McGee does NOT repeat himself!
TTeenager
What was that?
SMSkater McGee
I SAID, Skater McGee does not-goddammit.
NNerd
[holding a unicorn book] Man I wish unicorns where real. That will be so cool. [yawns] So, cool. [falls asleep, then a unicorn comes to the widow and neighs. He wakes up, rubbing his eyes, then peers out his room] Oh my gosh, they do exist!
UUnicorn
Come with me! Let's have fun adventures together!
NNerd
You don't have to ask twice! [riding on the unicorn] Woo-hoo-hooo! Wheee! It's everything I've ever dreamed!
[The Unicorn stops, the Nerd flies of his back and laughs]
UUnicorn
In the magical land of unicorns, there's no need for clothing!
NNerd
Whatever you say! [begins pulling of his shirt]
UUnicorn
No, no, no! Take it off slowly. [the Nerd takes his shirt off slowly] Yes, that pleases me. [grabs the Nerd's pants and throws them on the ground. The Nerd laughs] Polish my magical unicorn horn!
NNerd
Okay! [does so]
UUnicorn
Oh, yeahee! Oh.
[Cut to the school cafeteria]
And then what happened?
NNerd
If you polish his unicorn horn long enough, it gives you magical unicorn mayonnaise! Which I used to make these sandwiches!
[His friend gags]
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. [everyone drops their stones, Jesus then hits the prisoner with his stone] Blammo!
JJerk
[as J.K. Rowling is going through trash, looking for food, Manchester, England 1989] J.K. Rowling.
JKJ.K. Rowling
Cor blimey! Are you an angel?
JJerk
I am from the future. In fifteen years time, you will be a best selling children's book author, whose net worth is more than one billion American dollars!
JKJ.K. Rowling
I had an idea about a boy wizard.
JJerk
No! Your books will be about uh-a magical raccoon with an afro. His name is Squiggles and he shoots pixie dust out of his bunghole!
JKJ.K Rowling
Thank you, I'll start right away!
JJerk
Haha [placard: "Dicks with Time Machines"]
GGuy
It's Moses, he's back!
MMoses
God has blessed me with ten irrefutable commandments for living.
GGuy
Is there anything on there about not pushing your religion on other people?
MMoses
...No.
GGuy
Didn't think so.
MMoses
Number one: He who smelt it, dealt it. [everyone laughs] Wha? What's so funny? Stop it. Stop laughing! [the time-travelling jerk is sitting behind him holding a hammer and chisel]
[Woman looks badly beaten up.]
WWoman
I...uh...I-I walked into a door.
SSalesman
Well then, can I interest you in our line of Nerf Doors?
WSWoman's husband
What about stairs? She's gonna need some Nerf Stairs too.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Robot Chicken pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.