Robot Chicken quotes

Duh, Ms. Grundy, what's a haiku?

It's a kind of poem.

Duh, what's death?

Oh Moose, just make yours about football.

[checking the halls in the house making sure no one is here] Must've been my... [sees the King, screams] I'm flame-broiling in my pants! [the King approaches after him, backs towards and grabs out a shotgun] Die, you son of a bitch! [kills the King]

[chuckles, realizes] What? No! [realizes he murdered Phillip on purpose] I killed my only son! Oh, if only Philip had lived to taste the Triple-Bacon King Burger now on sale at participating locations! [cries]

Uh-oh. ["Stage One: Denial"] It's no big deal. It's probably not even quicksand. I'm gonna have a good laugh about this tonight with the guys. [laughs nervously.] ["Stage Two: Anger"] Well, this is just [bleep]ing perfect!! Stupid quicksand! Stupid jungle! Ah! I wanna bite someone in the face! Mother[bleep]er!!!!! Mother[bleep]er!!!!!! Mother[bleep]!!!!!!! Ahh! [Bleep]!!! That stupid jungle! Uhh!! [Bleeeeeeeeep]!!!!!!!! ["Stage Three: Bargaining"] Are you there, God? It's me, Giraffe. Li-Listen if you could just give me a mulligan on this quicksand thing, I promise, I promise, no more peeing on your shorter creatures. [laughs nervously.] We got a deal? ["Stage Four: Depression"] [screams and cries] MOMMY!! ["Stage Five: Acceptance"] You know somethin'? I'm cool with this. I-I bet, I bet heaven has all the tender leaves I can eat and everyone gets their own Slurpee machine. Yeah! Take me sweet death! I await your loving embrace! [the sinking stops.] What? I think I hit the bottom. [struggles with no avail] [Bleep].

Look sharp Team!

Remember my X-Men, use extreme caution. This is the most dangerous mission yet!

Right Professor! [the Sentinel they are fighting blasts them with its lasers and then stomps them into oblivion]

Welcome recruits, although we had to lower our standards thanks to the shortage of actual mutants, the danger you're facing will be no less real! You'll be defending a world that hates and fears you!

What?! Hate and fear us, because we're mutants?

No, because you were in the Police Academy movies.

[passes by the group, as Larvell makes squeaking noises] The hell's wrong with this chair? And it seems it's missing someone.

[crashes in with a jet] Sorry I'm late!

MAHONEEEEEEEYYYYY!

It seems some mischief-maker has gone to great lengths to hide a prostitute underneath my podium. Unfortunately, I'm paralyzed from the waist down, and her enthusiastic efforts are for naught. As I was saying, the X-Men - *looks down* I didn't say 'stop'!

Hey, ar-are you Deepthroat?

Hmm? Oh no I-I'm Rimjob, you want Level B2.

Merry Christmas, everyone! As is our tradition, NORAD is tracking Santa Claus' journey down the North Atlantic towards New England on his yearly rounds to give presents to all the boys and girls. [the reporters chuckled] He hasn't responded to our request for a cargo list and passenger manifest. So, as per current security regs, we're ordering him to divert to Canada.

Santa Claus

Ho, ho, ho, boys! Merry Christmas! [the Air Force pilot points his finger down, gesturing] Yes, presents down the chimneys, that's what I'm doing.

Target-Niner degrees.

Santa Claus

Oh! Captain Miller's a bad boy! [opens Charlton Heston's present to reveal a bazooka] Sorry, Charlie, I'll make it up to you next year. [fires the bazooka at one of the pilots, destroying the jet. But one of them shoots another missile at him] [Bleep]! [getting blasted by a missile]

[reads it, then looks up] Mission accomplished, gentlemen. The system works.

Hey guys, going on a mission? Can I come?

Sorry, Snow Job. This mission doesn't require ski's.

Wearin' a blindingly white outfit in the middle of jungle warfare makes you a very shootable target, man!

Bunch of G.I. Jerks!

Looks like it's a "GO" Job for Snow Job!

...That was TERRIBLE.

Yeah; gotta work on that...

Native Americans would be more plentiful if they hadn't traded their land for casinos!

Well, cowboys never even existed! They're just a masculine image campaign purported by Marlboro!

I think something's wrong with our son.

Calvin, your parents don't believe us. We have to kill them. [gets out a chainsaw]

[while at a psychiatrist] This is some bull[bleep]!

Yeah!

Okay, let's take it from the top.

[singing in comically deep "terrible" voices] Christmas, Christmas time is here

[still hearing their "terrible" voices] Aw, they're just so terrible! They've eaten me out of house and home! They've got to go! [throws a canister of deadly helium into the recording booth, which causes the Chipmunks' voices to become extremely high and much better]

Christmas, Christmas, poop-de-poop

They're fantastic!

This could sell thousands of albums.

[noticing that the Chipmunks have collapsed from inhaling too much helium] Oh right...the deadly helium.

She'll have the chef salad and I'll have...I'll have the steak.

Yeah, yeah you better order the steak punk, don't want none o' this bitch, take these rubberbands off an' I'ma go clack-clack all up in your face, mother-

Uugh! I feel like I'm gonna blow chunks of bird seed! [vomits all over the steps, then falls down]

Oh no, Big Bird has the bird flu!

The Word of the Day is Quarantine! Q-U-A-R-A-N-T-I-N-E, Quarantine!

Oh, he must be hallucinating.

Hi, Bird, I'm so sorry you're sick.

I'm scared, Snuffy, thank God you can't get it, since you're not real. [dies]

Yeah, thank G- [chokes and coughs, then disappears in puffs of smoke]

[handing out vaccines to Bert and crew of Sesame Street] One vaccine, a-hah-hah! Two vaccines, a-hah-hah!

One of these kids is not like the other, one of these kids is dead!

Today's episode brought to you by the letters C.D.C.

Hey, boys and girls, remember to bee yourself. [pauses] And don't [bleep] with us or we'll sting you all at once and kill you.