Merry Christmas, everyone! As is our tradition, NORAD is tracking Santa Claus' journey down the North Atlantic towards New England on his yearly rounds to give presents to all the boys and girls. [the reporters chuckled] He hasn't responded to our request for a cargo list and passenger manifest. So, as per current security regs, we're ordering him to divert to Canada.
[The reporters chuckled again, but they stopped as the representative glares at them, knowing that he is serious. Cut to Santa Claus riding his sleigh as the Air Force pilots fly toward him]
Ho, ho, ho, boys! Merry Christmas! [the Air Force pilot points his finger down, gesturing] Yes, presents down the chimneys, that's what I'm doing.
Target-Niner degrees.
[They shot the fire missile at Santa]
Oh! Captain Miller's a bad boy! [opens Charlton Heston's present to reveal a bazooka] Sorry, Charlie, I'll make it up to you next year. [fires the bazooka at one of the pilots, destroying the jet. But one of them shoots another missile at him] [Bleep]! [getting blasted by a missile]
[The NORAD assistant hands a note to the representative]
[reads it, then looks up] Mission accomplished, gentlemen. The system works.
[The reporters are horrified. We cut to the boy and the girl by the Christmas tree on Christmas morning, but they were disappointed that there are no presents. The end credits started rolling. In the end, the little girl cries and went to the other room as the boy sighs sadly]
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