Sheriff quotes from Robin Hood

Little Robin redbreast is about to become fried chicken!

Did you think I would just smile and let you have Sussex? [chuckles] A clue: NO.

Stop whining, Gisborne. If I wanted a wife, I'd have found one with better legs!

She's not coming back, Guy. Move on.

We have...bad days. We have good days. And when we have Robin Hood laid out dead on our table, [Shouts at Robin Hood] WE HAVE THE BEST DAYS OF OUR LIVES!!!!!

If Robin gets the bird, it means the King knows our plans. And the last thing we need is the King and his army coming back to England before we're ready for them! So, we must catch the pigeon! Catch the pigeon now!

One day. I'm away for one day! And look at it! Huh?! LOOK AT IT!!!

Why is nothing ever SIMPLE?!

[To Marian after catching her trying to kill him, he ducks and pins her against the War Room map, with Allan's sword] Mistake, missy. Big mistake.

[After killing Carter] Bye bye, blondie.

Long live the King! [Quietly] No.

[to his guards] I thought I doubled the guard! Or did I just double the incompetence?! YOU ALLOWED HOOD TO ESCAPE AGAIN!!! You are more useless than Gisborne! [kicks a guard in the groin, then knocks him down the steps]

[at the church] My children! I was once lost, like you, wretched, like you; wandering in the wilderness. But it was there, in the desert, crawling on my hands and knees like a dried crab, that I was guided [snaps his fingers] to a cave.

And it was in that cave... [opens box and takes the "hand of St. Luke" - actually an executed thief's hand - out] that I found this - the hand of the divine physician, St. Luke!

It was this hand that healed me! Healed me of my pain, guided me on the path to salvation, cleansed me of all my sins! [kisses the hand, pretending to sob] And it was this holy artefact that Robin Hood and his gang of men tried so fragrantly to steal - not once, but TWICE! That is why Robin Hood and his gang attacked the brothers of Kirklees! That is why Hood sent in his thug Tuck to break into the abbey! AND THAT IS WHY ROBIN HOOD MUST BURN AT THE STAKE!!!

[to his badly-stung soldiers] What do you mean, "the wagon's disappeared"?! WAGONS AND HORSES DO NOT JUST VANISH!!!

It has been a good month. We've collected nearly £300.

Would you want to be the King in Antioch - a clue: no - trying to feed a starving army on £300, when you promised £500?

It's more than we ever managed before.

[sarcastic] Oh, yippee! So the King is starving in the Holy Land and you have failed him, but [whiny voice] "It's more than we ever managed before!"