[Tommy throws money into the air]
I think you asked for what? Four grand? There's about six or seven here.
Where did you get it, Tom?
The harder I work, the luckier I goddamned get.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[to Laura] Let me tell you something, sister, you serve two purposes in this house-- you can give me a blow job or make me a sandwich. I'm not in the mood for head and I had a late breakfast, so you're shit out of luck.
I'm tellin' ya brother. Havin' your picture in this calendar is like having a license to mint pussy.
"Mint pussy." May be one of the worst Ben & Jerry flavors of all time.
[About Sean's picture in the Fireman's calendar] You look like the Marlboro Man.
Really?
Yeah. If the Marlboro Man smoked cock instead of cigarettes.
Did you go outside like that?
Like what?
Like that. With your joint hangin' out.
Hey, you got issues with the human body, that's your problem. That's your shame-based religious upbringing rearing its ugly head.
Speakin' of ugly heads.
Don't lay your issues on me. I got no problem being naked.
Oh, yeah? Why don't you go upstairs and look in the mirror? I think there's more than one problem goin' on down there.
[After they found out they were cheating on each other]
Are you gonna stop seein' him?
PPhyllis
Are you gonna stop seein' her?
Who is this guy?
PPhyllis
Who's the girl?
Do I know 'em?
PPhyllis
Do I know her?
You know what? Maybe, maybe we shouldn't be asking questions right now.
PPhyllis
Maybe not.
You know what? Lemme just say this, okay? If you told me, what you told me and I didn't have somethin' goin' on the side, I would have been so goddamn pissed you wouldn't even believe.
PPhyllis
Well, you know, I'd be pissed too.
[Tommy's kitchen is a total mess]
Hey, Tom. I made chili.
Yeah, no shit. What did 'ya do, mix it with a goddamn shotgun?
[Shelia wants to tell something to Tommy but she won't tell him over the phone]
It's gonna drive me crazy, not that you don't have a lock on that particular skill, right now.
SShelia
Why do you have to be such an asshole?
Practice.
[A guy was impaled by a tree branch from a rooftop garden]
Maybe we should uh, go up and talk to the tree. I mean, it looks like an accident but you never know.
Well, there might be a couple of scrubs up there that saw somethin'. I say we go up, uproot the whole goddamn garden and bring it in for questioning.
You know, just 'cause it's vegetation it thinks it can get away with this shit.
Shameful.
It really is.
[to Janet, who wants more money] Yeah, lemme pull down my pants and grab the money that's growin' outta my ass.
[The whole crew is looking at the NYC skyline]
It's a nice view, huh?
Yeah. It'll never be the same for me.
Yeah, me either.
Even when they put up whatever it is that they're puttin' up.
It's like they're tryin' to erase what happened. You know?
It's insulting. Remember when they had those spotlights right after 9/11? I couldn't take that. I like it like this... empty. Just the way those scumbags left it. No spotlights, no new buildings, just empty.
Yeah. That's the thing about the spotlight, you know. Walk out into it and at first everybody thinks they see a good-lookin' all-American hero. But then you stay out there long enough and you know, they start to notice certain things. Maybe your nose is a little crooked, you know, maybe your teeth are too crooked. Maybe you got a little scar on your upper lip. Your hair's not right. One eye's bigger than the other. Next thing 'ya know they think they're lookin' at some kinda goddamn monster. Like they're lookin' at King Kong. Then they start throwin' shit at 'ya.
Well, I'll tell ya one thing. That morning they threw a couple a jets into a couple a buildings. And they threw at us the biggest job in the history of our profession. And what do we do? We gave up 343 of our guys to save... at least 10,000.
Yeah. And look at us now: Three years later and still waitin' for a goddamn raise. I'll tell 'ya what guys, we were on our own that morning and we're still on our own today.
[After Mickey told Franco that Tommy was seeing Shelia]
[to Mickey, in confession] Bless me father for I have sinned, and so have you. [he grabs him and starts beating him up]
[Sean is dating a girl who's a really bad kisser]
Now, you're talkin' about bad kissin'. Are you talkin' about too much saliva bad kissin'? Or using your tongue like an iguana eatin' a fly bad kissin'? [Sean and Franco give him a look] Hey, I used to be a player.
That was disturbing, Chief.
Yeah. And disgusting.
You shoulda saw the chick that I did it with.
What's with the camera?
Oh, my folks wanted to see where I worked. So I, uh, you know, I thought I'd send them a couple pictures give them an idea of what it looks like.
Oh, yeah? You gonna take any pictures of us?
I don't wanna scare them.
Hey, Laura. Can you do me a favor?
If it involves any part of your body, no.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Rescue Me pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.