[at the hospital] Tommy, I can't get any answers in there.
You know what? [grabs her arm and pushes her against the building, and pins her there] Hey, what did I tell you, huh? What did I tell you?
I told you to get your priorities straight, huh. Get your shit together. You wanted to be in charge of the kids, and what happened? She's lying in a hospital bed while you're trying to get laid with you loser goddamn boyfriend! [they shove each other and he finally lets her go]
And where have you been?!
Where was I? At work! Paying your goddamn bills!
Tommy, this isn't about our bullshit. This is about our little girl in there.
FMFather Mickey
Tom, I, uh, I don't know what you want me to say.
Mick... I want you to say that it's all... it's bullshit. You know? There is no plan, there is no map. There's no golden ring at the end of the ride. It's just... bullshit. You know? [sighs] I want you to take away the hope, man, that's the thing that's killing me. You know,it's just... it's like, uh... I'm just hanging here, man. Hope is making me think I can fix my marriage, you know? The day of Jimmy's funeral... you stood up on that altar and you said, "Sometimes we don't know why God does the things that he does." But I'm telling you... Mick... if he takes my little girl tonight... I'm going to want to know why.
FMFather Mickey
That's why you got to hold on to the hope, Tom. 'Cause in the end, that's all we got left.
You remember that blonde that we met at the Bubble Bar last month? You were with me, right?
Yeah, yeah. The one you banged that night?
Actually, I've been banging her ever since, but I don't know her name.
Damn. How're you pulling that off?
Well, it's like a late night booty-call. Not a lot of conversation, you know?
Yeah, those are the best.
Well, I gotta come up with a name soon, man.
Yeah. You know what? You could do that thing where you introduce her to somebody. You say the other person's name but not hers, and then she has to say "Hi, I'm..." Fill in the blank.
Because I never take this chick out in public.
Yeah, you got yourself a real goddamn dilemma there.
Yeah, broads. It's not enough that you're bangin' 'em like crazy, now you gotta know their names.
Wait a minute, you passed on a three way? Was she hot?
Lou, I would have to had sex in front of another guy.
But what if I get hit with friendly fire?
Well, make sure you're done first and then get the hell out of the way. Jesus, it's true what they say: Three-ways, like youth, are wasted on the young.
[On the phone, Franco is in a club with two girls by him] So, it's, uh, it's Nancy or Lauren, huh? I don't know, man, she didn't look like a Nancy to me. I'd go with Lauren.
I kinda secretly was hoping she was a Nancy.
'Cause Nancy's give better head.
Oh, you've researched that?
Uh, basing it on the two Nancy's that I've known.
So, uh, you been with a Lauren?
Oh, yeah? And the head was uh...
Look, there's no such thing as bad head, it's just a matter of degrees.
Yeah, agreed. [to the girls next to him] Uh, girls what're you're names?
[to Tommy] What about Heather and Brittney? Where do those two names fall on the chart?
Heather and Brittney I'd say... top 3.
[Tommy has just read an "anonymous" poem]
Yeah, powerfully bad. It sucks.
I don't know, it's not that bad. It rhymes.
Well, so what? My ten-year-old can make stuff rhyme, it doesn't mean he's the next, uh... [to Franco] Name a poet.
Angie Dickinson from Police Woman?
Nah, I think you mean Emily Dickinson.
You don't do that, Sean. You don't bang a guy's girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, wife, ex-wife, or his sister without his permission. And I mean crystal-goddamn-clear permission.
You haven't even spoken to her, in like, five years.
Wh--? Ho-- How? Explain to me how. [Lou interrupts him] Let me finish my -- [Lou interrupts him again] Can I at least-- [Lou interrupts him]
Look, you run into a guy's ex-girlfriend in a bar and feel her up.
You can be in a bar, meet a guy's ex-wife, and...
[makes circular gestures on his chest] Titty action.
A little bit of titty action. You can even grab guy's sister's ass in a bar that the guy actually happens to be in.
And it's all explainable under the giant umbrella of the huge, 'Sorry-I-Was-Drunk' rule.
Like Visa and Mastercard, accepted the world over and never argued.
Never argued. Which was why the rule was created by the way, by the... Romans?
Ah, even earlier than that, my friend: the Druids.
Listen, Franco didn't want to have anything to do with her.
[counting on his fingers]: Look, girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, wife, ex-wife, sister, half-sister: [sweeps his hands] No pussy!
[After they bet Sean that he couldn't get to first base and he did with a transvestite, although he doesn't know that she is one]
Well, the thing is uh, we uh... We wanna go double or nothin'.
Wait, wait, wait. What's the bet?
80 bucks says you can't close the deal by the weekend.
What you mean sleep with her?
Full penetration. Before the weekend.
Come on. I thought you had game, big shot.
I do. I got game. I-- I just don't wanna rush it. It's just something about this girl, she's-- she's different.
[Telling the Chief how he found out that the girl he was seeing is a transvestite, he found out when he was getting a blow job]'
Man, you must have freaked out.
Yeah, yeah. It was pretty weird but I didn't want to make a big scene so once he was through I told him---
Wait, hold on a second. After he was through? You mean you let him finish the knob job?
Well, the guy was givin' me a blow-job, Chief. I didn't wanna be rude.
I'm gonna pretend that I didn't hear that.
