Regular Show quotes

Look, you guys need to return the tape and pay the late fee.

Rigby

But we can't afford a late fee!

Mordecai

Yeah, and what if we can't find it?

[grunts, grabs a pair of scissors] Then you leave me no choice. [about to snip their membership card]

STOP

Why should I?

Rigby

All we have is a VCR and you're the only place in town that still rents tapes!

Oh, yeah — all those other places UPGRADED to D-V-D!!

Mordecai

Dude, we'll find it! I think I remember where it is suddenly!

Hmmph...

Rigby

PLEEEEEASE!!!

[groans] Fine, but it's only because you dudes appreciate superior video formats. Get it back here A.S.A.P. and I won't cancel your membership. I'll even wave the fee.

Rigby

You won't regret this!

I'd better not! Or you'll never rent a tape here EVER AGAIN!!

Dude, the game has changed. I need that tape back by 9. My manager's doing inventory after we close, and he'll call the collections agency if he finds out it's missing.

Mordecai

What would it cost to just replace the tape?

You're not going to like it.

Mordecai

Dude, just tell me!

One.. thousand.. dollars.

Mordecai

A THOUSAND DOLLARS?!

It's a RARE out-of-print VHS! A piece of film history!

Mordecai

It's a piece alright.

Just find it by tonight. I hear those guys break thumbs.

Muscle Man

I can't wait to see the look on Mordecai's face when he finds his bed on the ceiling. He'll be like, "Oh, no! Where am I gonna sleep tonight?"! [he and Hi-5 Ghost laugh] Best prank ever! [high five each other]

Pops

I've got you this time, balloon!

Pops

[crying]

Muscle Man

Oh, no, bro! [Pops sobs loudly. Benson and the others come]

Benson

Pops! [Skips removes the bed from a severely injured Pops] Call the ambulance, now! It's gonna be okay, Pops. [Mordecai goes to call the hospital while the others try to comfort Pops as he continues sobbing in pain. Muscle Man looks upset and guilty]

He should be fine in a few days. But he's defiantly lucky to be alive. That bed could've killed him. [his line "killed him" echos 3 times in Muscle Man's mind]

Muscle Man

Pops, Pops! Pops, I'm so sorry, bro! It was an accident!

Pops

Oh, no worries. I'll be quite alright.

Muscle Man

No, Pops, I almost killed you all because of my stupid prank!

Benson

[Enters Muscle Man's Trailer] Muscle Man, the rival park is pranking us again. We need you!

Muscle Man

You got the wrong man, I don't do that anymore.

Benson

But we're getting destroyed!

Muscle Man

Maybe I didn't make myself clear. I don't prank anymore.

Benson

I can't believe this! You're just gonna let them destroy the park?!

Muscle Man

[Stands up and points at Benson] Whoa! Back up, bro! I almost killed a man. A park, that's just land. You can replace that any day of the week, but a man's life, that's forever.

Benson

But the park i--

Muscle Man

It's over, Benson. I'm done.

Benson

[Sighs] Thanks for nothing.

Benson

As you guys may or may not know, it's Pops' birthday tomorrow. I was planning on getting him something nice from the arts and crafts fair last Saturday, but... nothing really stood out. Has anybody gotten him anything yet?

Muscle Man

[beat] No.

Benson

Why am I not surprised? [pulls cap off of marker] Ideas? Anybody?

Muscle Man

How about one of them Jeff Forgeman grills?

Benson

That's actually not a bad idea, but Pops has been watching his cholesterol. Doctor's orders. What else?

Skips

How about we get him some new gardening tools?

Benson

Well, maybe. It's just, he gets new gardening tools all the time.

Mordecai

What about some horseback riding lessons?

Benson

Please tell me you're joking.

Mordecai

Well, no. Isn't he into that?

Benson

Don't you remember? That's the exact same gift we got him last year.

Rigby

Pshh!

Mordecai

Don't "pshh" me! I don't hear you coming up with anything.

Rigby

Yeah, but at least I didn't say the same thing that we got him last year!

Mordecai

Give us back our dice! We won 'em fair and square!

There's no way you're getting these dice. Now get outta the way before somebody gets hurt!

Benson

What could you possibly want with fuzzy dice?

Well, 10 years ago, we knocked over at big city jewelers, and we made off with millions worth of uncut diamonds. [points to the dice] And those diamonds are in those dice.

[thwacks Louie in the face] Shut up, Louie!

Benson

I remember reading about that! That was you?

Yeah, that's right. We've been laying low for 10 long years waiting for the statute of limitations on grand theft larceny to run out. And it was supposed to end tonight at midnight.

Duck

Mm-hmm. Until you clowns came along and ruined everything.

Rigby

Can't we just have the dice without the diamonds?

It's too late. And you know too much.

Duck

Mm-hmm.

Duck

[firing her gun at the FBI] Eat lead, sucker!

Benson

If you pass them out before the meeting, you're fired, got it?

Mordecai

Yeah, no problem.

Benson

Good. Now what do I just tell you?

Rigby

Get the donuts and don't pass them out, or else we're fired.

Benson

And?

Mordecai

Oh, and you want a whole wheat donut.

Benson

Good. Maybe you are ready for more responsibility. Now go get the donuts.

(Gets out of chairs and start rapping) D-d-d-d-donuts! D-d-d-d-donuts, donuts! D-d-d-d-donuts! D-d-d-d--

Benson

[annoyingly yelling] JUST BUY THE DONUTS OR YOU'RE FIRED!

Mordecai

(Stops Rigby) Wait, dude.

Muscle Man

(Slowly) Oh, no, bro! I Gotta go to the meeting!

Rigby

Uh, what did he say?

Pops

Oh, it sounded like a gown of meat!

Rigby

Ahh! There aren't any donuts left!

Mordecai

Benson's not gonna like that.