Hey, that's not exactly what happened.
Yes, it is. You said, "I'm not going to the Vegas Quadrant", and then the next thing I know you're in an escape pod heading for—
(interrupting) Excuse me uh, sirs...?
I was told to report to Blood Gulch outpost number one and speak to whoever's in charge.
Sorry, man, Sarge is at command getting orders; ain't nobody in charge today.
Actually, Private, he left me in charge while he's gone.
Also, he told me that if I had any trouble from you I should, [clears throat] [mimicking Sarge] "Get in the Warthog and crush your head like a tomato can."
...That's the worst impression I've ever heard.
Okay, Rookie, what's your story?
Private Donut reporting for duty, sir! Ready to fight some aliens.
Couple of things here, Rookie. First off, "Private Donut"? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color?
This is the standard issue red.
Yeah, I know. Listen, only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits, and since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer.
[referring to Simmons] Well, he's wearing red armor.
No. My armor is maroon. Your armor is red.
Well, how do I get a different color armor?
I bet the Blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap.
[the Blues are admiring their new tank]
So I say to the guy, "How you going to get the tank down to the planet?" And he goes, "I'll just put it on the ship." And I go, "If you've got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?"
You're ruining the moment. Shut up.
Oh... okay. You got it, man!
You know what? I could blow up the whole goddamn world with this thing.
Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal—
I just refuse to call him Private Donut.
We've got a very important mission for you. You think you can handle it?
We need you to go to the store and get two quarts of elbow grease.
Yeah and, uh, pick up some... headlight fluid for the Puma too.
You do know where the store is, right, Rookie?
What? Uh, yeah! Yeah, of course I do. Sure. No problem.
[Donut starts to go left]
[Donut turns around and goes right]
I knew that! Just... got turned around, that's all.
[Donut goes off frame]
How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?
I'd say... at least a week.
[camera cuts to Donut]
Elbow grease! How stupid do they think I am? Once I get back to base with the headlight fluid, I'm gonna talk to the sergeant.
[the Blues talking about their new tank]
You know what? Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece.
Oh, man! Listen to you! What are you gonna do with two chicks?
Church, women are like Voltron; the more you can hook up, the better it gets.
You think that we were too mean to the kid?
Nah, he'll just wander around on the cliffs for a few hours. What's the worst that could happen?
[Donut walks towards Blue base]
Finally! There it is! Oh, sweet! They sell tanks!
