Hurry up, ladies. This ain't no ice cream social!
Ice cream social?
Stop the pillow talk, you two. Anyone want to guess why I gathered you here today?
Uhh... is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?
[sarcastically] That's exactly it, Private. War's over, we won; turns out you're the big hero and we're going to hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Simmons here is in charge of confetti!
I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir.
God damn it private! Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep.
Oh I'd do it, too.
I know you would Simmons. Good man. Couple of things today, ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One.
Crap, we're getting a rookie.
That's right, dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week, but today we received the first part of our shipment from Command. Lopez, bring up the vehicle.
[Lopez drives up in a new jeep]
Shotgun.
Shotgun... Fuck!
May I introduce our new Light-Reconnaissance Vehicle. It has 4-inch armor plating, MAG bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen! This is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the "Warthog".
Why "Warthog", Sir?
Because "M12 LRV" is too hard to say in conversation, son.
No, but, why "Warthog"? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig...
Say that again?
I think it looks more like a puma.
What in Sam Hell is a "puma"?
Uhh, you mean like the shoe company?
No, like a puma. It's a big cat, like a lion.
You're making that up.
I'm telling you, it's a real animal!
Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.
Yes, sir!
Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks, and what kind of animal has tusks?
...A walrus.
Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!