Perhaps I didn't make myself clear. I said supper is ready! (He fires, completely destroying the gazebo) Is anyone still unclear as to the supper situation? No? Excellent!
Didn't know robots got PMT!
Beyond A Joke
It's nice, Kryts, really nice.
It's really great!
In fact it's better than nice, it's fantastic!
Isn't it great!
It's really great!
It's really really great!
Are we eating the same stuff?
I don't know why I make the effort? No one appreciates the hours I put into food prep. My fingers are practically worn down to the exoskeleton!
Is there any Ketchup?
Any what?!
Ketchup, I thought it could do with a bit of ketchup, just a dollop...
Ketchup?!
Oh my god..
You want Ketchup?!
Emmm... Brown not tomato, Brown. It's not like I've got no class?
With Lobster? You want brown ketchup?!
It's really nice Kryts, but you know me. I just thought it could do with a bit of a pep up...
I can't believe it... I simply cannot B...! (His head explodes)
Oh well done bud! Now we'll have to do the washing up.
He's literally blown his top. Cat, can you go and get a spare head?
How come I have to do everything around here? I can't get a second to myself. Cat do this, Cat do that. What am I, a dog?!
[about Kryten, whose head had just blown up] Life without a head. That's gonna seriously put a real crimp on his lifestyle. What can he do without a head?
Apart from being you, hardly anything.
Epideme
[The crew discusses a plan to remove Lister's arm to save his life.]
Can you explain it to me? Something a bit more confidence-stirring than "Can I hack off your limb?"
The plan is to inject antivirals in a precise pattern through your body, forcing epideme into your arm.
And then you cut it off. Great plan. What choice have I got?... Okay, but make it my left arm, okay. 'Cause my right arm does all my favourite things.
I take it we're speaking with the Epideme virus?
EEpideme
Give that man an eyebrow! Hey, I'm feeling generous -- give him two!
You absorb knowledge from every person you kill?
EEpideme
So you can appreciate killing you ain't exactly a career highlight. No offence, but when you're a virus, there ain't much call for knowing how to open a lager bottle with your anus.
Lister wakes up afer the crew cut off his arm to discover that is right arm has been cut off
Hi. I'm so sorry.
My left arm I said. Thats my right. What kind of Navigation Officer can't tell left from right?
Kryten and Cat enter
Sir, you're awake!
Buddy you look great! (Puts out hand to shake Lister's before realising he put his right hand out)
(Disgusted by all the corpses on the Leviathan) I've never seen anything like this!
You weren't around for my last party, were ya?
Nanarchy
But does it change anything?
Listen, having only one arm will make no difference to any woman that cares about you.
What about sex?
Not here, it's too sandy.
(narrating) Last week, on Red Dwarf... something terrible happened to Mr. Lister's arm!
Back in the Red part 1
Forget Red -- let's go all the way up to Brown Alert!
There's no such thing as a Brown Alert, sir.
You won't be saying that in a minute! And don't say I didn't alert you!
Hey guys, look at me body.
Now there is an invitation that will NOT cause a stampede.
Back in the Red part 2
Rimmer, is this salute ever going to end? Do I have time to go for a cup of coffee? Maybe go on vacation?
Nearly finished, sir. This is my very special extra long salute I reserve for the especially important, sir.
Back in the Red part 3
One day in this lousy, stinking penal colony and I'm cracking up. Everyone's so deranged and brutal, it's frightening. This afternoon I was so depressed I went to see the social worker.
Was he any help?
Not really; he beat me up. He said I was a whining nancy-boy with girlie white legs, then pummelled me repeatedly with his book, Showing Compassion to Inmates.
I thought social workers were supposed to be nice?
In the end I was so shell-shocked I went to see the priest and explained everything.
What did he say?
He said I was a whining baby who was missing his mum. Then he beat me up, too. You can still see the crucifix marks in the back of my head.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Red Dwarf pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.