No that's wrong? You've gone out of sequence! Nureek, Rutut, Hununger! What wrong with you!
Duct Soup
If you're gonna keep me up all night, just do it right okay!
Squeelookle? Where did squeelookle come from? He's New!
What?!
Looking for someone to kill, care to volunteer?
Have you ever listened to those clapped out old pipes? Nureeking, then Rututting and just when you're expecting them to nureek again, they squeelookle! It's enough to make a perfectly sane person crazy!!
I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD DAY!!!
Blue
[Lyrics to the The Rimmer Song in The Rimmer Experience:]
He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer,
More reliable than a garden strimmer,
He's never been mistaken for Yul Brynner;
He's not bald, and his head doesn't glimmer.
Master of the wit and the repartee,
His command of space directives is uncanny.
How come he's such a genius? Don't ask me!
Ask Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer.
He's also a fantastic swimmer,
And if you play your cards right,
Then he just might come round for dinner.
[about Kochanski] And another thing is that she keeps her pants in her sock drawer! Do you know how time-consuming that can be to put it all back?
You mean you've seen her pants?
Do you think I like living in this big skip with thrusters? Do you think I even enjoy breathing in on this ship?! And to top it all off, I am faced with a neurotic droid who is completely obsessed with my pants drawer!
You mean I'm not alone? Oh, I see. You mean me.
I'm losing it, man, otherwise I'd never be thinking stuff like that. Kissing Rimmer? I'd rather be bobbing for apples at the Reading festival!
[about Rimmer] I never wanna see or hear from that scum sucking, lying, weasel minded smeghead in my entire life.
Sigmund Freud, eat your heart out.
Beyond A Joke
Let's at least ask someone who's at least going to give us a slightly more intelligent opinion. Hello, wall! What do you think?
"Cat do this!" "Cat do that!" What am I? A dog?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Red Dwarf pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.