[While all the kids are forced by Miss Finster to clean up the mess in the cafeteria after their food fight…]
Oh, man, I got more food on me from cleaning than I did in battle!
Guys, I can put an end to this if I just told on…
[as he and the others cover his mouth; sternly] Don't say it, Gus.
But you don't understand! It was… [his friends cover his mouth again]
Gus, I'm serious. Don't say it. That'll make you a tattletale.
VinceYeah, and being a tattletale is against the kids' unwritten code of honor.
Are you sure? I mean, it is unwritten and all.
Not anymore, Gus. Behold, the code has now been issued on this convenient and durable laminated reference card.
[reading] "Tattletale go to jail. Stick your head in a garbage pail." [sighs] It's pretty clear, all right.
Attention, miscreants. You've (all) been cleaning for over an hour already, and no one's come forward to squeal.
Vince
That's 'cause we've got the code. Right, guys?
You may be strong in a group. But we'll see how you hold up to individual interrogations. [Gus gulps nervously] We will start in alphabetical order. Beginning with… Adam Able.
AAdam
[disappointed] Oh, man, I'm always first. Why couldn't I have been born Zebadiah Zwick?
Vince
Gus. You okay, man?
Back off, guys. Give him some air.
[blowing her whistle] This investigation is officially closed. Thanks, boys. I've ID'd the perp. The culprit is… [sighs] Randall Weems.
No, I-I didn't mean to do it! It was an accident, I tell you! The mashed potatoes slipped out of my hand!
I'm very disappointed in you, Randall. My own little weasel gone bad. My world is shaken.
[berating Gus as he's being taken away] Griswald, you ratted me out! You're a tattletale, you hear me?! A TATTLETALE!!!
Detweiler! I knew I'd catch the culprit sooner or later.
This official memo proves that you're the rapscallion who threw Principal Prickly's flip-flops on the roof.
I'm innocent, I'm telling you! Randall, you set me up.
You and the birthday boy can iron out your petty differences later, after one week of level-4 detention.
[as Miss Finster takes him away] I'VE BEEN FRAMED!
[laughs nervously as the rest of the gang glares at him] Anyone for a bounce?
[Gretchen, Vince and Spinelli angrily chase him around while bouncing in the bouncy house]
Vince
When we catch you, we are going to bounce you to the moon!
But I threw the note in the trash! How was I supposed to know Finster would find it?
Man, oh, man. My mom and dad didn't take too kindly to the news last night.
Pop says I'm not allowed to have another accident until I'm 35.
People were crying in the interviews! It was tearing me apart!
Look, first thing we do when we get to school, is knock on Prickly's door, explain our side of the story, and apologize up and down.
Vince
Good idea, Teej. That should clear things up. [Later at school, they're watching Randall and some other kids playing in a leaf pile] Poppin' bobula! Randall just got first flop in our leaf pile!
[closing the window blinds] No window-gazing for you six! Time to start your punishment. Now, I can make this difficult, or I can make this difficult.
Miss Finster, ma'am, before detention, we would like to speak to Principal Prickly.
Ha! For obvious political reasons, Principal Prickly can't afford to be seen with you. Now, follow me... Vandals!
Gee, Miss Finster, I don't know if I like being called a vandal.
Maybe your new outfits will help you feel the part.
[The gang are now wearing orange prison jumpsuits]
My, my! Don't we look so very...orange? I trust "the Destructive Six" are feeling constructive today?
Yes, sure we do, Miss Finster, but when do we get to tell people how sorry we are?
Enough back talk! Time to receive your new tools. [holds out a bucket of soap and water and six toothbrushes]
But I already brushed my teeth.
Oh, they're not for your teeth. [laughs evilly]
[The gang are then seen using the toothbrushes to clean the hallway floor]
[The gang are in the cafeteria kitchen, peeling onions while weeping tearfully due to its reaction]
[tearfully] It's hard to tell where the onion-crying stops and the loss-of-a-carefree-childhood crying begins.
It's going to be okay, Mikey.
Vince
What are you talking about, "brains?" We're in the biggest trouble ever!
I'm perfectly aware our situation is hopeless, Vince. I was really trying to console Mikey.
Guys, we got to stay together. The adults are already doing enough to punish us. We shouldn't punish each other.
[T.J. is sitting alone in the cafeteria for detention and sighs remorsefully]
No sighing in detention, Detweiler.
Yes, Miss Finster. Sorry, Miss Finster.
[His friends are watching outside through the window]
Vince
Man, the playground just isn't the same when Teej is in detention.
True. In his absence, we average a startling four or fewer laughs per recess.
Look, I like Teej as much as the next kid, but it's recess, and we have to have fun.
I was at the breakfast table, putting on my boots and picking through a box of Crusher Krispies, and that's when it happened.
Vince
What happened?
The toy surprise was missing from your box.
Worse than that. My mom tells me that after school today, she's taking me to that new museum!
The Glamour Puss Museum of makeup, wigs, and pantyhose?!
Bingo. [the others gasp in shock] I think it's another of my mom's plans to make me girlie and junk.
My heart goes out to you, Spinelli.
I was thinking it'd be a lot less boring looking around at all that lipstick and fru fru girlie junk if someone was there to kind of hang out with me.
Vince
Whoa... Oh, no, I'm not going in that place.
I've got my reputation to worry about.
Thanks, guys, but I was hoping Gretchen could come.
Well, though I seldom pass up a museum, a cosmetics museum doesn't exactly sound like my cup of tea.
You got to help me. I need another kid along so I can goof off and be myself. I'll be bored out of my skull if you don't come. Please?
Oh, for you... Why not? It'll be a girls' day out.
Yes, Gretch! You are the best friend a girl could ever have.
[T.J. is impersonating King Bob with his friends laughing hysterically]
Your king craves sustenance. [points to Gretchen] You there, smart girl, design and build a restaurant, then go inside and make me something to eat.
[chuckles] Right away, Your Highness.
Very good. In the meantime, large thoughtful boy, give me your Winger-Dingers.
But Your Highness, I ate all my Winger-Dingers.
That's a royal outrage! Take this Winger-Dinger singer to the dodgeball wall!
A Winger-Dinger singer. That's me, all right.
Vince
Man, T.J.'s King Bob impression is dead-on.
You there, your king has an itchy bottom.
[lurking from a bush] That T.J. thinks he's so funny. Well, King Bob won't think so when he finds out…
[off-screen] Scribe Kid, get this down.
And it looks like he'll find out sooner than later.
So you guys didn't get upset with T.J.?
Vince
Heck no. T.J. was just being T.J.
Yeah, Gretch, and with your smarts and T.J.'s style, you're looking at the easiest project you've ever done.
You know something, Spinelli? You might just have a point. Why am I fighting the charm, the verve, the unmitigated moxie that is T.J. Detweiler?
You can't do it. It can't be done.
My friends, this time around, I'm going to do the smart thing.
What are we going to do with all those smackeroonies?
Well, Gretch, I've got a couple of ideas. I'm gonna use the money to buy a skyscraper or a rocket. Here's the tender part. Either way, I'm doing my shopping in a jetpack!
Kid stuff. I'm using my share to start the world's coolest sport. It'll be a combination of pro-wrestling and bowling I call, "Strikeout!" Of course, I'll referee things for my jetpack.
Interesting notions, Spinelli, but I plan to use my unexpected windfall to help others, by researching and curing all diseases. Yes, it worked! I did it! I found the cure! Thank you! Of course, I'll use a jetpack to survey the beautiful world I've saved.
That sounds wonderful, Gretchen, but there's only one way I would spend this fortuitous fortune. I'll pay off my tab at Kelso's, and then I'll give Mr. Kelso a ride on my jetpack!
About time you paid up, Mikey.
Vince
Well, I'm a rich kid who likes the sea. I'm going to get the most beautiful yacht I can find and sail it all over the world. And I'll never have to dock it. 'Cause I'll just fly to it on my J.P.
Classy, Vince. Very classy.
I will build a better jetpack. I'll even test-pilot it myself. [screams as he flies too high] How do I stop this thing?! [back to reality] Or maybe I'll just buy monster stickers.
Recess · 128 quotes
