Gus[offended] It's not fair. It's just not fair.
[also offended] Yeah, this whomps.
How come you guys get to miss school and we don't?
Because the Young Inventors Fair is an invitational exposition.
Means you gotta be invited.
It's a great opportunity to show off exciting new ideas from smart young minds.
Gus
So why is Spinelli going with you?
'Cause she needed a smart kid to be her assistant. Wanna make something of it?
Gus
N-not at all. May I be the first to wish you success on this and all future scientific endeavors?
Come, Gretchen, our colleagues await.
Girls. They sure stick together.
[Mikey gets gum all over his head and in his hair while trying to make the record for blowing up a big bubblegum when Captain Sticky popped it]
No! This can't be happening!
Come on, Mikey, You'll break the bubble gum record next time.
You don't understand. There won't be a next time. There wasn't even supposed to be a this time. I'm not allowed to chew gum, because when I do, I do this. When my mom and dad find out that I got gum in my hair again, I'm gonna be grounded for a whole year!
What about using ice on your hair? I heard that works.
Tried it before. It froze my brain.
Gus
Putting a paper bag over your head and then-- [realizes] No, wait. That's for hiccups.
Calm down, big guy. We can fix it so your mom and dad will never know the difference.
All you do gotta do is get a haircut.
But I spent all my money on gum. I don't have enough left to go to a barber.
You don't need a barber. You got one right here. Snippety-snip, problem solved.
Uh, Teej, can I talk to you for a minute? No offense, man, but are you wack? What do you know about cutting hair?
Come on. I've seen Mr. Neno do it a million times. You comb, you cut, you watch out for the ears. So, Mikey, up for the haircut?
Here we go. Hmm, let's see. Seven! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven! "Great riches will soon be yours." Oh, scary. Someone else give it a shot. Come on! You guys don't buy that Stinky Peterson junk, do you?
Of course not. I pick four. One, two, three, four. "You will pass your greatest test with flying colors." Hey, that's not so bad. I think this thing's a friendly fortune teller.
I'm next. Logic dictates we go girl, boy, girl, boy until we run out of girls. I pick one. "You will take a trip to an exotic land." My word, that is exciting!
Gus
My turn. Oh, great fortune teller, what wonders await me? Great riches? Fame? Adventure, perhaps? I pick five. One, two, three, four, five. "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow is your final day?" Hey! What kind of fortune is that?
[The gang is eating lunch in the cafeteria as Gus finishes drinking his carton of chocolate milk]
[amazed] Wow, Guster, what a set of lungs!
Yeah, but maybe you shouldn't have finished your milk first. I mean, aren't you gonna need it for your peanut butter sandwich?
Gus
I couldn't help myself, guys. I love chocolate milk. Whoever thought that putting candy in milk was a genius. [takes a bite of his sandwich] An evil genius. Be right back.
[While all the kids are forced by Miss Finster to clean up the mess in the cafeteria after their food fight…]
Oh, man, I got more food on me from cleaning than I did in battle!
Gus
Guys, I can put an end to this if I just told on…
[as he and the others cover his mouth; sternly] Don't say it, Gus.
Gus
But you don't understand! It was… [his friends cover his mouth again]
Gus, I'm serious. Don't say it. That'll make you a tattletale.
Yeah, and being a tattletale is against the kids' unwritten code of honor.
Gus
Are you sure? I mean, it is unwritten and all.
Not anymore, Gus. Behold, the code has now been issued on this convenient and durable laminated reference card.
[reading] "Tattletale go to jail. Stick your head in a garbage pail." [sighs] It's pretty clear, all right.
Gus
Not that I don't love leaves, but what's going on today, anyway?
The town's bustling because the 60-year-old statue of Thaddeus T. Third III has been returned to its rightful place in front of the school that bears his name.
Gee! I don't remember any statue ever being out here.
That's because it's been overseas for eight years getting shined and--
[As they walk to the front of the school, they gasp in amazement when they see the statue]
He's so regal! His chiseled features seem to say, "I'm an important fellow."
Not to me, Mikey. To me they say, "Hop on, Jasper! I'm built for climbing."
[The gang start to climb up the statue; On the other side of the curtain, Principal Prickly is making an announcement]
Mr. Mayor, distinguished guests, "big story news" team. It is an honor to host this "Welcome back, Thad" celebration, welcoming back a man with whom we all grew up, a man for whom this street and school are named. A man named... Thaddeus T. Third III!
[The curtains pull back, revealing the statue… and the gang on top of it; the crowd gasp in shock]
[chuckles cheekily] How you doin', folks?
[The statue suddenly starts to topple]
[The gang jump off from the statue and it falls on the ground, destroyed and shattered into pieces; Mayor Fitzhugh babbles in horrified shock]
MCMort Chalk
You gettin' this?
MFMayor Fitzhugh
[outraged] Prickly! Do you know what this means?!
[before Prickly could say anything] He certainly does, Mr. Mayor. [to the gang] You six are in the biggest trouble ever!
[The gang gasp in shock]
Man, oh, man. My mom and dad didn't take too kindly to the news last night.
Gus
Pop says I'm not allowed to have another accident until I'm 35.
People were crying in the interviews! It was tearing me apart!
Look, first thing we do when we get to school, is knock on Prickly's door, explain our side of the story, and apologize up and down.
Good idea, Teej. That should clear things up. [Later at school, they're watching Randall and some other kids playing in a leaf pile] Poppin' bobula! Randall just got first flop in our leaf pile!
[closing the window blinds] No window-gazing for you six! Time to start your punishment. Now, I can make this difficult, or I can make this difficult.
Miss Finster, ma'am, before detention, we would like to speak to Principal Prickly.
Ha! For obvious political reasons, Principal Prickly can't afford to be seen with you. Now, follow me... Vandals!
Gus
Gee, Miss Finster, I don't know if I like being called a vandal.
Maybe your new outfits will help you feel the part.
[The gang are now wearing orange prison jumpsuits]
My, my! Don't we look so very...orange? I trust "the Destructive Six" are feeling constructive today?
Yes, sure we do, Miss Finster, but when do we get to tell people how sorry we are?
Enough back talk! Time to receive your new tools. [holds out a bucket of soap and water and six toothbrushes]
Gus
But I already brushed my teeth.
Oh, they're not for your teeth. [laughs evilly]
[The gang are then seen using the toothbrushes to clean the hallway floor]
[All the kids are boarding the buses for their field trip to the Great State Fair]
Board the bus in an orderly and harmonic fashion, and please have your signed permission slips ready.
[holding her permission slip] Ah, the good ol' "get-out-of-class-free" card.
[takes out his permission slip] This is one note from school I'm happy to have my parents sign.
Gus
[checking his pockets, realizing he doesn't have his permission slip] Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no!
Don't tell me you forgot your permission slip, Gus.
Gus
I had it this morning. My dad signed it at breakfast, and then he must've put it in his pocket by mistake!
Maybe your father could bring it from his office.
Gus
He's not at the office. He's out with the whole division having war games, and Mom's out looking at drapes.
Not to worry, Gus. Miss Grotke will understand.
Thank you, Phil. Watch your step, Judy.
Miss Grotke, we got a problem.
Gus forgot his permission slip.
Oh, my, that is a problem. Without a permission slip, Gus, you can't go. It's school policy.
[Gus whimpers sadly]
Look, that MO sticker on the bumper. That's the international abbreviation for Moldavakia.
Gus
Moldavakia?
Moldavakia is a former Eastern Bloc country famous for its luge team, tiny ceramic gnomes, and espionage.
Of course! The mysterious phone call, the weird guy from Moldy-vakia, this creepy fog hanging around the school... There's no other explanation. Miss Grotke's a spy!
Gus
A spy?
A fourth grade teacher... What a great cover.
I can't believe it. I won't believe it.
Believe it, Mikey. The box with a star for Miss Grotke's "program"... I'm telling you guys, all the evidence points in one direction: S-P-I.
Actually, it's S-P-Y, but T.J. makes a rather compelling argument.
Gus
But wait a second. Is she one of ours or one of theirs?
I was at the breakfast table, putting on my boots and picking through a box of Crusher Krispies, and that's when it happened.
The toy surprise was missing from your box.
Worse than that. My mom tells me that after school today, she's taking me to that new museum!
Gus
The Glamour Puss Museum of makeup, wigs, and pantyhose?!
Bingo. [the others gasp in shock] I think it's another of my mom's plans to make me girlie and junk.
My heart goes out to you, Spinelli.
I was thinking it'd be a lot less boring looking around at all that lipstick and fru fru girlie junk if someone was there to kind of hang out with me.
Whoa... Oh, no, I'm not going in that place.
Gus
I've got my reputation to worry about.
Thanks, guys, but I was hoping Gretchen could come.
Well, though I seldom pass up a museum, a cosmetics museum doesn't exactly sound like my cup of tea.
You got to help me. I need another kid along so I can goof off and be myself. I'll be bored out of my skull if you don't come. Please?
Oh, for you... Why not? It'll be a girls' day out.
Yes, Gretch! You are the best friend a girl could ever have.
So you guys didn't get upset with T.J.?
Heck no. T.J. was just being T.J.
Yeah, Gretch, and with your smarts and T.J.'s style, you're looking at the easiest project you've ever done.
You know something, Spinelli? You might just have a point. Why am I fighting the charm, the verve, the unmitigated moxie that is T.J. Detweiler?
Gus
You can't do it. It can't be done.
My friends, this time around, I'm going to do the smart thing.
What are we going to do with all those smackeroonies?
Well, Gretch, I've got a couple of ideas. I'm gonna use the money to buy a skyscraper or a rocket. Here's the tender part. Either way, I'm doing my shopping in a jetpack!
Kid stuff. I'm using my share to start the world's coolest sport. It'll be a combination of pro-wrestling and bowling I call, "Strikeout!" Of course, I'll referee things for my jetpack.
Interesting notions, Spinelli, but I plan to use my unexpected windfall to help others, by researching and curing all diseases. Yes, it worked! I did it! I found the cure! Thank you! Of course, I'll use a jetpack to survey the beautiful world I've saved.
That sounds wonderful, Gretchen, but there's only one way I would spend this fortuitous fortune. I'll pay off my tab at Kelso's, and then I'll give Mr. Kelso a ride on my jetpack!
About time you paid up, Mikey.
Well, I'm a rich kid who likes the sea. I'm going to get the most beautiful yacht I can find and sail it all over the world. And I'll never have to dock it. 'Cause I'll just fly to it on my J.P.
Classy, Vince. Very classy.
Gus
I will build a better jetpack. I'll even test-pilot it myself. [screams as he flies too high] How do I stop this thing?! [back to reality] Or maybe I'll just buy monster stickers.
Recess · 128 quotes
