Jimmy Chance quotes from Raising Hope

Jimmy, you look so freaked out, like a deer caught in his girlfriend's high beams.

Jimmy

I'm not freaked out. I always figured the first time I saw her naked would be with a bunch of strangers and my mom's boss.

Jimmy

[after seeing Sabrina's commercial] That's not fair. You used my daughter without my permission. Would you make your own baby?

Frank

Yeah. Come on Sabrina. Let's go make our own baby!

Virginia

Did you hear that? Maw Maw's got a surprise for you Jimmy!

Jimmy

[slams his hand onto the table] You know that's not my name! If you want to address me, you must call me Drakkar Noir.

Virginia

Like the man's perfume, right?

Jimmy

It means Black Dragonship.

Burt

Your makeup looks nice today.

Jimmy

...and I haven't been able to remember anything, and I haven't been able to play the piano or sing ever since.

That's fascinating! Because when you guys walked in here, I thought for sure you were looking for oxycontin.

Jimmy

Oh, my God, you think you're better than them.

Sabrina

That's-that's Not what I'm s--Okay, the thing is, is that what--Oh, come on, you got to give me Frank; I'm better than Frank.

Jimmy

No, you're not. You're smarter and less creepy than Frank, but Frank is better at not feeling superior to people.

Virginia

That's the reason your father's always hated cauliflower.

Jimmy

No, I thought it was because it's not a real flower and it looks like brains.

Virginia

Fine, he has a lot of good reasons to hate cauliflower.

Sabrina

You gonna go? I didn't really think you were the Vegas type.

Jimmy

That's because you only really know "Daddy" Jimmy. You don't know "sex in the back of my van with a serial killer" Jimmy. I used to be a wild man before this little ball-and-chain came and threw a wet blanket on my party fire.

Sabrina

Oh.

Jimmy

She is cute, though, isn't she? Oh, Daddy can't do nothing anymore now you came along, you little cutie patootie. [babbling baby talk]

Sabrina

You need to party.

Virginia

Eat your dinner before it melts.

Jimmy

Popsicles and olives? Have we just given up?

Sabrina

"Yo, my parents named me Frank, 'cause they love tube-shaped meat."

Jimmy

Let me do the lady. "I'll take a quarter pound of the chicken salad."

Sabrina

But that's what she would probably say.

Jimmy

I know. That's why I said it.

Sabrina

Yeah, you don't get what we're doing, do you?

Jimmy

I'm not gonna argue with her. That's what Wyatt does, and I'm gonna do the opposite.

Frank

...The opposite of the guy she has sex with. Good strategy.

Burt

You got to get your edge back, man.

Jimmy

I haven't lost my edge.

Virginia

[walks in carrying frilly hats] It was a windy day outside the black church, so I got a couple of good ones. I'll go make your virgin mint juleps. Our pretty little ponies are running in the Pretty Little Kentucky Derby later.

Jimmy

Maybe I've lost a bit of my edge.

Jimmy

Hey, what are you guys doing?! You promised me you weren't gonna see the movie!

Frank

To be fair, we never thought you'd find out.

Barney

Sorry, James. It looks funny. I did it for employee morale. Not yours, of course. If you were anyone but you, you'd understand.

Sabrina

Guys, I got a purse full of licorice--Ooh! [holds up piece of licorice to her lip like a mustache, speaks in Italian accent] Mama mia! A-what-a Christmas is this! I got to go to make-a de pizza.

Sabrina

You think he bought that?

Sabrina

What are you still doing here, dirtbag? You looking to rob the place? What are you looking at her for? You think she's prettier than me? Huh? Think these were a waste of money?

Jimmy

No, no! They're worth every penny! Please, I need your help.

Sabrina

Why would I help you?

Jimmy

Because underneath that 30 pounds of perfectly molded silicone, I know there's the heart of a good person. God, I wish I had $20.

Jimmy

Have you tried making a Checker-Bucket? It's where you put the checkers in, and let them take it out one at at a time. It's good for the slower kids. That's what my parents did for me.

Oh, they must be very proud. Are you able to live on your own, sweetheart?

Jimmy

[cheerfully] Not yet.

Well, someday.

"I don't know" is not an answer, Mr. Chance.

Jimmy

It's Drakkar Noir. I hate this class. I want to live in a classless society.

Okay, you're mixing up two different uses of the word "class."

Jimmy

Man, why do you always have to correct everything when I talk?

It's "when I speak," and it's my job.

Jimmy

Well, correct this. I quit. I don't need high school. I'm gonna be a famous artist like Picasso or Ed Hardy or Vincent van - uh, van -

Gogh.

Jimmy

I'm going! God. Come on, Venom, we're out of here.

Dude, did you not read the restraining order? Stop talking to me, and change your clothes. You're embarrassing an entire movement.

Jimmy

Cool. I'll see you at the mall.