Queer as Folk (US) quotes

Emmett

[unlocks and opens the door to his apartment] Well, here we are. Home Sweet Dump.

Drugs can't fix everything.

Brian

Where did you hear that?

Brian

Who made up the fucking rule that you can't smoke in a hospital?

Melanie

Too bad you're not straight... [second woman checks out Ted] you could really score big time.

Emmett

It's hard to believe but in this parallel universe you're actually hot.

Ted

Woohoo, lucky me.

Emmett

Pink champagne? Yeah, um, yeah, that's too Nelly even for me!

Melanie

[At Lindsay's sister's wedding] What did she think we were going to do? Perform cunnilingus on top of the wedding cake?

Brian

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen, proof positive that making other people happy can cause nausea, severe cramps, even diarrhea.

Got any TUMS?

Brian

Know what TUMS is spelled backwards?

SMUT!

Melanie

I was just saying, I bet you're really looking forward to that Honeymoon. Where were you off to this time?

Borneo.

Ted

Don't they have a lot of pigs there?

Justin

They say I may never draw again.

Brian

Yeah, well, they're always telling people they'll never walk again, or draw again, or piss again, so that when you finally do you'll think they're geniuses and they can charge you whatever the fuck they want.

Brian

Yeah well I can remember. I can remember everything. I saw him... he was coming after you with a bat. But he was moving too fast and you were too far away... I ran... but there was no time to stop him. And then he swung but it was too late. There was nothing I could do. And then you just laid there on the cold cement.

Justin

It wasn't your fault... it wasn't your fault.

Michael

We broke up. It's over. David and I are over.

Michael

I was going to tell you.

Ted

When? After you convinced us you found Paradise Lost?

Michael

When the time was right. But there's never a right time to admit that you failed.

Jennifer

The day the doctor sent him home from the hospital he'd said that he'd never seen such a determined patient and he asked me what it was that made him work so hard. I knew but I didn't tell him... it was you. Every day that you didn't come to see him was more incentive for him to get better and get out so that he could come see you. Of course, what Justin didn't know and I didn't tell him was that you were there... every night. The nurse on duty told me. I want to thank you for that. But he's home now, safe and sound and there isn't any reason anymore for you to watch over him and so... so I would like you to leave. And never see him again.

Brian

I care about him.

Jennifer

It was because of you he was almost killed. Forgive me for being so blunt. I've tried to accept him for who he is. To accept your world and that he's a part of it. I've even tried to accept you. And as a result, I nearly lost him. And I don't intend to lose him again. So if you care about him and I believe you-- I believe you do, you'll do what I ask and return my son to me.

Emmett

God, I want his ass.

Ted

Who doesn't?

Emmett

No, I mean I really want his ass. Instead of this tired old thing.