Emmett quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

Emmett

Well, this is a surprise. Welcome to "See The Light."

The way some of these people dress, they should change it to "Turn Off The Light."

Ted

We just... we wanted to let you know that we still love you. Maybe not as much as Jesus, but almost. And that we're gonna miss you.

I'll especially miss the way you dance with your hands over your head. That's the way I'll always remember you.

Emmett

Thanks, but I don't think God appreciates it as much as you do.

Ted

I think God appreciates it even more. Because he created you in his image. At least that's what I was always taught. And since God is love and God doesn't make mistakes, then you must be exactly the way he wants you to be, the way he intended you to be. And that goes for every person, every planet, every mountain, every grain of sand, every song, every tear... and every faggot. We're all His, Emmett. He loves us all.

Ted

I always remember how he used to say "It's just not sex--"

Emmett

"--without something up your butt."

We've seen the light!

We know!

Emmett

A different light.

Melanie

What about your success story?

Emmett

Oh, we were a success story.

We shared it with the group.

Emmett

Mmmmhmmm. I told them "some of us are meant to eat pussy and some of us are meant to suck cock." But either way - God loves us.

They agreed that God loves us.

Emmett

And then they told us to get the fuck out.

Ted

You're really back?

Emmett

Honey, my flame has been rekindled and has been burning brighter than ever.

Emmett

Isn't dyke night fun?

Ted

I can't remember when I had such a good time.

Ted

Me too. I feel so violated.

Emmett

Ew, what are they doing?

Ted

The muncher mash?

Emmett

Hey, she's cute.

Melanie

She reminds me of Lindsay with red hair.

Ted

What about her?

Melanie

She reminds me of Lindsay with black hair.

Ted

[a man walks in] Don't tell me. He reminds you of Lindsay in drag.

Melanie

Do you think I've never seen a dick before?

Ted

Not mine!

Emmett

It's okay, it's okay everyone, she's a lesbian!

Oh, she's a dyke!

Emmett

Stop being so goddamn selfish!

Michael

Selfish?

Emmett

I think it's selfish to deny your lover pleasure.

Justin

What are you doing here?

Chris Hobbs

Checking out the freaks... like you.

Justin

Down here you're the freak.

Chris

Out of the way, faggot!

Justin

Hey! Hey! You guys see him! We go to school together and his name is Chris Hobbs! He just called me a faggot! See, Chris doesn't like faggots.

Chris

Shut up, Taylor.

Justin

Or maybe he likes them more than he thinks.

Chris

I said shut up!

Justin

He let me jerk him off! The faggot gave Chris Hobbs a hand job! He loved it!

Chris

You are fucked! [Chris runs off with his friends]

Emmett

You go, baby.

Brian

Congratulations. You just made yourself a real enemy.

Ted

Jesus, he's still cute.

Emmett

You say that about all the boys who put you in a coma.

Ted

It's no different for straight guys. I read somewhere that something like 64% of them admit they've been unfaithful.

Emmett

I wouldn't know. I've only slept with 32% of them.

Justin

I'm saving up to go to the White Party.

Emmett

My my aren't you two raising him well.

Emmett

She wants you to fuck her?!

Ted

Gay men and straight girls sleeping together, isn't that one of the signs of the apocalypse?

Emmett

How do you know if you can?

Brian

Because at his age he can rub up against a tree and get a hard-on.

Emmett

Having recently made love to a woman I can give you a few pointers.

Brian

Banging a bull-dyke for Jesus isn't exactly making love.

Emmett

I can't imagine growing up in that house. How did he ever survive?

Ted

Who's to say he did?