Brian quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

Michael

We need a secret code word like "Shazam" so that if I get in a tight spot, you can come in and rescue me.

Brian

A tight spot. How about "butt-plug?"

Michael

"Butt-plug" might be a little hard to work into a conversation.

Brian

Because that's what you are pretending you're one of them.

Michael

I couldn't help it!

Brian

You could have told her the truth instead of acting like a scared little faggot. You should have just said, "I take it up the ass sweetheart, deal with it."

Melanie

It's simply in case something happens to you.

Brian

Like I'm decapitated at a railroad crossing? Or burned beyond recognition in some gas explosion? You know, I can just imagine the grizzly deaths you've conjured up for me.

Melanie

Like, in case you get sick.

Brian

Ah, even better.

Melanie

Considering your life, I mean, when's the last time you were tested?

Brian

Six months ago. I was negative.

Melanie

That's 26 weeks and 182 one-night stands.

Brian

I just left a complete stranger in my apartment to come and talk to you so don't run away from me. We need to get something straight.

Justin

You don't do boyfriends.

Brian

Mikey's been talking to you.

Justin

You'll fuck anyone! He's ugly. You don't even know him. And I-- I really thought--

Brian

Justin. I've had you. What happened last night, it was for fun. You wanted me, and I wanted you. That's all it was.

Justin

A fuck?

Brian

Well, what did you think it was? Look, I don't believe in love. I believe in fucking. It's honest, it's efficient. You get in and out with the maximum of pleasure and minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they're in, so they can get laid. And then they end up hurting each other, because it was all based on lies to begin with. If that's what you want, then go find yourself a pretty little girl... and get married.

Justin

That's not what I want. I want you.

Brian

You can't have me. I'm too ol-- You're too young for me. You're 17, I'm 28.

Justin

Twenty-nine.

Brian

All right, 29. All the more reason. Now go do your homework. [Walks away]

Brian

Christ. He'll probably grow up to be straight.

Michael

All the more reason he needs his Dad!

Lindsay

Why does it matter to you that Gus is circumcised?

Brian

It matters that he's been in this world less than a week and already there are people who won't accept him the way he is. They'd even mutilate him rather than let him be the way he is. The way he was born. Well, I'm not gonna let that happen.

Michael

What the fuck did you do that for? You practically got us engaged!

Brian

Well, I want to dance with the bride at her wedding. And Tracy, too.

Brian

You know, he's the first. The first almost-dead guy I sort of had sex with.

Michael

You had sex with Ted?

Emmett

You never had sex with Ted!

Michael

When did you have sex with T--

Brian

Sort of sex. At this semi-orgy.

Michael

It could be us.

Brian

No, it could not be us. Because we know better. We know not to believe pretty little blonde boys that tell you that it's really good shit. 'Cause that's what they all say. Ted didn't know that. And he didn't know that you only do drugs with your friends because they're the only one's that give a fuck about you.

Brian

Fuck bath-time and fuck you!

Melanie

Fuck you!

Lindsay

Just stop it, both of you!

Brian

So let's cut to the chase. Find somebody else. His mommy, or Michael, or Madonna. I don't care who.

Lindsay

But he chose you.

Brian

Well, he chose wrong.

Melanie

Yeah, that's what I said to him. I said Brian is not the person you want responsible for you life. He's a selfish narcassistic little fucking faggot. And let me tell you something, it's not because you suck cock, it's because you're a little fucking coward! So go! Get out! Now!

Brian

What about us? We don't have any beeps or wires or little white dots telling us we're alive, so how do we know? I guess we just take each other's word.

Lindsay

Maybe we know from what people expect from us.

Ted

I saw you... fucking. When I woke up. I thought I'm in Hell and this is my punishment. Watching Brian Kinney fucking for all eternity.

Brian

You should be so lucky.

Brian

I want it to be you, I'll put it in writing.

Michael

I want it to be you, too. You pull my plug!

Brian

And you pull mine.

Brian

If I don't get this account, I'll be fucked. And without lube.

Emmett

And that's a bad thing?

Debbie

It's amazing how you always work anal intercourse into the conversation.

Ted

I'd love to hear what you have to say about pussy.

Brian

That it's a good thing you got one because you wouldn't know what to do with a dick.

Michael

Who's leading her on? We're counting cartons of toilet paper.

Brian

Yeah, which you can use because you're so full of shit.