Spike quotes from Press Gang

Spike

I'm a great kisser, Lynda. Seventeen years, and never dribbled.

Lynda

I expect you practice a lot on your own.

Spike

Absolutely. I have this pair of rubber lips.

Lynda

I can see that.

Lynda

Is that a joke about my height?

Spike

I wouldn't stoop so low.

Spike

Actually, I'm six foot three. I've just been standing in a hole since I was seven.

Lynda

Yes, I've often thought of you that way.

Lynda

Can we for once just be two normal people?

Spike

I can be two normal people if you can.

Lynda

So just don't get up to any crazy stuff.

Spike

When have I ever done that?

Lynda

The school dance.

Spike

Apart from that.

Lynda

The sixth year social.

Spike

And the sixth year social.

Lynda

The fifth year social, the fourth year social...

Spike

Apart from those...

Lynda

Sarah's birthday party, Julie's birthday party, Kevin's birthday party... The school sports day, the staff/pupil social...

Spike

I don't remember the staff/pupil social.

Lynda

That's part of the problem.

Spike

The school dance, the sixth year social, Sarah's birthday party, Kevin's birthday party, Julie's birthday party...

Lynda

What about them?

Spike

You were never there. I figured there was a reason.

Lynda

Why do you have to keep following me?

Spike

Mostly, the view.

Colin

So. You saw through my disguise.

Spike

A tablecloth with a headband round it? No, I just took a lucky guess!

Lynda

You know, when I was fourteen I pretended I was ill at my own birthday party. Kenny came up to my room and we played chess all evening.

Spike

Good old Kenny.

Lynda

He won three games in a row, and I threw him out.

Lynda

I think you're getting the wrong idea about this kiss.

Spike

I'm not, Lynda, honest. It's just a kiss between friends, right? A thank you kiss. It doesn't mean a thing - I know that.

Lynda

I knew you were getting the wrong idea.

Spike

I'll be okay.

Lynda

You don't know what I have in mind.

Spike

I mean, what have I got out of this so far? I'll tell you, Lynda! Five lousy kisses! I counted.

Lynda

Is that why I felt your lips move? What do you mean, lousy kisses?

Spike

I mean forgetting to take the pencil out of your mouth first. That loses you points, Lynda. Of course, you gain a few for helping me get it out of my nose afterwards. And washing all the blood off my shirt. And the walls.

She didn't push you out of the window, did she?

Spike

No. I jumped.

I know how you feel...

In love? With Attila the Skirt?

Spike

You got it!

Tell me one thing, Spike. Does she kiss with her teeth?

Spike

That's a painful subject.

Sam

Hi, Spike! How's the latest brunette?

Spike

Sam, she's not just my latest brunette.

Sam

I didn't mean your latest brunette, Spike - I meant hers. So, how are you, Spike?