Lynda quotes from Press Gang

Lynda

Is that a joke about my height?

Spike

I wouldn't stoop so low.

Spike

Actually, I'm six foot three. I've just been standing in a hole since I was seven.

Lynda

Yes, I've often thought of you that way.

Lynda

Can we for once just be two normal people?

Spike

I can be two normal people if you can.

Lynda

So just don't get up to any crazy stuff.

Spike

When have I ever done that?

Lynda

The school dance.

Spike

Apart from that.

Lynda

The sixth year social.

Spike

And the sixth year social.

Lynda

The fifth year social, the fourth year social...

Spike

Apart from those...

Lynda

Sarah's birthday party, Julie's birthday party, Kevin's birthday party... The school sports day, the staff/pupil social...

Spike

I don't remember the staff/pupil social.

Lynda

That's part of the problem.

Spike

The school dance, the sixth year social, Sarah's birthday party, Kevin's birthday party, Julie's birthday party...

Lynda

What about them?

Spike

You were never there. I figured there was a reason.

Lynda

Why do you have to keep following me?

Spike

Mostly, the view.

Lynda

You know, when I was fourteen I pretended I was ill at my own birthday party. Kenny came up to my room and we played chess all evening.

Spike

Good old Kenny.

Lynda

He won three games in a row, and I threw him out.

Lynda

I think you're getting the wrong idea about this kiss.

Spike

I'm not, Lynda, honest. It's just a kiss between friends, right? A thank you kiss. It doesn't mean a thing - I know that.

Lynda

I knew you were getting the wrong idea.

Spike

I'll be okay.

Lynda

You don't know what I have in mind.

Spike

I mean, what have I got out of this so far? I'll tell you, Lynda! Five lousy kisses! I counted.

Lynda

Is that why I felt your lips move? What do you mean, lousy kisses?

Spike

I mean forgetting to take the pencil out of your mouth first. That loses you points, Lynda. Of course, you gain a few for helping me get it out of my nose afterwards. And washing all the blood off my shirt. And the walls.

Lynda

Got a minute?

Kenny

Actually, no. There's someone here to kill Colin.

Lynda

Well, I'm sure he can manage it without you.

Lynda

I was just going up these stairs.

Colin

Right.

Lynda

No particular reason.

Colin

You said.

Lynda

Well, I'll just go up them, then.

Lynda

Me neither.

Spike

Is that right?

Lynda

What a coincidence?

Spike

It's just amazing!

Colin

Look, would you both mind? You're both very cute and everything, I mean if you're selling the film rights to this little romance, I'm in, but just at the moment I really don't want to listen to it.

Colin

Of all the people I thought would notice...

Lynda

I'm the last?

Colin

And of all the people I thought would care...

Lynda

I'm not sure I do care - I don't know what your problem is yet. But I do know it's serious.

Colin

And how do you know that?

Lynda

Because you live for what you do. You live to hustle, right?

Colin

Well, sure. So?

Lynda

It's like you live for your work. Like there's nothing outside of that. No social life, nothing. And, of course, there's your appalling dress sense.

Colin

What's appalling dress sense got to do with it?

Lynda

I'm trying to think of everything we have in common. The point I'm making is this. I know how an obsessive behaves. Because I am one. And I know how much it takes to knock an obsessive off the tracks because I've been there.

Kenny

Couldn't I come in any earlier? I hate having a proper night's sleep. I start getting used to it.

Lynda

Okay, half-past four.

Lynda

I've had my day off now. Can I come in?

Kenny

It's still the morning.

Lynda

I got up early.

Kenny

Look, Lynda, make the effort. Relax.

Lynda

Have Spike wrapped and delivered. I'm bored.