John and Sid in “Nancy and Sid”

The main thing to remember is that Malcolm is a dishonest bastard.

To be fair, he did put me in the band.

To be fair, I got you in the band by playing Malcolm at his own devious game. And now we must ally against him, lest we get shafted like Glen, may he rest in peace.

Look, I hold it up, it just flops down. He offered to give me lessons.

Who?

Glen, R.I.P. I told him to fuck off. [Laughs]

You do realise you will need to learn to play.

Not really. How come yours sticks up like that?

What do you mean, "Not really"? Use lacquer.

No one cares what you sound like, it's what you look like that matters. Is it effective, then, lacquer?

Course it's effective! Remember my mum's beehive? It was like St. Paul's Cathedral. She kept actual bees in it. You can't be a Sex Pistol if you can't play. You can't sing.

Why should I play? Can I have some of your mum's lacquer, then, please? I can sing! Somewhat. And I don't use lacquer. It's too sticky.

Can we stop talking about your hair and talk about Malcolm?! He wants to change the title of my song "No Future" to "God Save The Queen".

If it's not lacquer, what is it?

Can you stop talking about your hair?

Can you stop talking about Malcolm and song names and the bass guitar? You're making me nervous.

What are you nervous about?

I'm supposed to be a Sex Pistol, but I can't play anything. And now my fucking hair won't even stand up.