My Boys · Season 1
I've come to realize that almost everything in dating and relationships has a parallel to sports. Specially baseball. No. That´s probably because that´s what I do. I´m a sportswriter for the Chicago Sun Times. I cover the Cubs. It´s like for example your friends are you team. Okay that was easy.
After the third date chicks start expecting something.
Like a fourth date?
So guys, I have some, uh... yeah, I guess we can call it news... Well, I was gonna come up and say this...
You broke up with Wendy.
Yeah, how did you know?
Dude, you've broken up with her like 83 times. It was a good guess.
Yeah, it´s like either you ate a hot dog today or you broke up with Wendy.
Yeah, it´s like you played Metallica on your radio show today or you broke up with Wendy.
It´s like you broke up with Wendy today or you broke up with Wendy.
You know what I mean, right? Nothing happened.
Hum... huh.
What "huh"?
Brendan, you got a bootie-call.
What? No, I told you nothing happened. We just talked.
No I know. See, sex is the guy´s bootie-call, you got the girl bootie-call.
The girl bootie call?
Yeah, it's the most complex of all bootie-calls. You see, with the girl bootie-call she needs that emotional fix. You know, the "hold me I'm scared", "I´m so lonely here without you." The minute she finds somebody else, you're out.
Hey, do you wanna see my baseball card collection? It's in my bedroom!
That is some collection!
Yeah. I've been building it for a while.
Hum, PJ, I just wanna say I really like you and whatever happens tonight...
Oh, Bobby. You don´t need to give me the speech, okay?
What speech?
Oh you know, the "we will be friends anyway" speech. I know we will be friends.
You do?
Yeah. And let's be honest, we are both grown ups here, right?
Yeah, yeah, uhm... I guess...
What's wrong?
Uh... I don't know, you are... you're kinda freaking me out a little bit.
Why? Oh, oh God... I´m sorry. Here, come sit down... we'll take it slower.
Oh! That, that, that... that's freaking me out. Can you maybe not say that stuff?
What stuff?
The guy's stuff! I mean, guys act like that. Girls say things like, uh... "Wait", "Why is this happening so fast?" or "How do I know this isn't just one night stand?"
That would be completely acting.
Fine, but that's hot.
Okay, fine! Okay, look, Bobby... this is really happening so fast, and we don´t know each other very well, and how do I know this isn't just one night stand?
So, you're mocking me?
Hum, a little bit.
When you start dating someone or kinda dating someone, communication is key. Just like in baseball where every play depends on clear signals, one missed sign can cost you the game.
Oh that's nice. That's nice, huh?
It is. It's really nice.
It's nice.
Nice. Nice.
Nice.
Come on, you guys, he's the new guy. He doesn't know he's not supposed to be nice around here. You'll learn. All right you drunks, let's go... Thanks again, man.
Yeah, no problem... man.
You don't know what it´s like okay? I'm the only woman. I can't have a personal life at work, you know? They would rip me to shreds. I've finally got into a place where they forget I'm a woman.
You have such strange goals.
No no no no no... this is going to be a very bad idea.
Oh don't you start on me now, too... I get enough from her.
You look too good and there's an ex-girlfriend involved and a wedding.
Wendy is going to take one look at you in that suit and either start hating you from breaking up with her or wanting you back and either way it's going to be bad bad bad.
You guys are being ridiculous! Alright, look. We are gonna go to the wedding, we are gonna eat our dried out chicken, we are gonna dance the celebration and when the open bar turns to a cash bar, we go our separate ways... oh so the tie works? Cause I wasn't sure to go bow or not.
My god! You love that you look that good!
Hoping to rub it in.
No... no no no no... do you think it will work?
My point wasn't that I´m not interested, I just didn't want people from work to know.
Including me apparently. Okay, I thought you weren't interested when you said "Keep it professional". And why didn't you say what you meant?
Well, it's like we are in battle and behind the enemy lines and—
PJ, PJ! No! No more metaphors, okay? I'm saying, I can't read minds, okay? So when you act like you barely know me in front of the guys and then you say that you don't want it to be awkward, what am I supposed to think? And my God, why is that every time I talk to you I feel like I'm a chick?
Brendooo! Wake up! It´s morning! You left something in the living room.
Bottom line is that we need to go out and be piggish without you looking over our shoulders and, let's be honest, judging the prey that we then... snare.
Oh my god, that's disgusting. And shut up, I would not be judgmental of your women, okay? I never said anything about that total North suburban whore that you went up to Wisconsin... and shut up again, I know what I just did!
Meredith wants to live in the suburbs.
What!?
I know.
And you're thinking of going with her?!
Well, you know how it is: more space, better schools, quiet desperation.
Hey, what do you guys think would be the worst way to die? I'm gonna say being hit in the balls with lightning... or old age. Long and slow, that's no way to go.
Why don't you guys just move it a night?
Move the Decathlon? Blasphemer!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's My Boys pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
