Scenes with Mr. Bean 18
MDMaître D'
"Have you decided, sir?"
Mr. Bean"Yes. Um, could I have this, please?"
MDMaître D'
"The steak tartare?"
Mr. Bean
"Uhh, steak, yes."
[Bean feels something below his neck, he pulls out a hanger, where he gives it to the maître d. A waiter holding a wine bottle appears on the background, presenting himself to Bean]
WWaiter
"Would you like to try the house wine, sir?"
Mr. Bean
"Uhh... yes, please." [The waiter pours a small amount of wine to a glass, where Bean drinks it immediately. The waiter prepares to pour more wine]
Mr. Bean
"No, no, no, no no. I'm driving." [Laugh track]
[Bean hits the wine glasses to the tune of "Happy Birthday to You". Later, the waiter brings the steak tartare and the audience laughs as Bean notices that it is raw. He tries a piece, only to be disgusted]
MDMaître D'
"Everything to your satisfaction sir?"
Mr. Bean
[grinning] "Mmmm." [The maître d' walks away and Bean spits it out. ]
WWaiter
"Is everything all right sir?"
Mr. Bean
"Oh, yes."
Mr. Bean
"Mmmm, yes." [Picks up a forkful as if he is about to eat it but hesitates to put it in his mouth]
[The waiter goes and Bean quickly disposes of the offending food by putting it under a plate, in a woman's handbag etc.. Later the waiter trips over Bean's table and Bean pretends that he is the reason that the food is in various places]
WWaiter
"Excuse me! I do apologise! I am terribly sorry, sir."
MDMaître D'
"What-ever is going on?"
Mr. Bean
"It really is the most appalling mess."
MDMaître D'
"I really cannot..., please, do forgive us." [The violinist plays "Happy Birthday to You" again, the maître d' puts a cloth on Bean's lap, the waiter appears from the left with another plate, and the maître d' opens the lid, revealing another steak tartare. Laughter and applause from the audience]
MIMan In Park
Are you having a sandwich?
Mr. Bean
Oh, yes!
Mr. Bean
Just popped out for lunch
MIMan in Park
Me, too. Nothing like a quick sandwich.
Mr. Bean
No, absolutely.
[Bean has spread butter onto his sandwich with his credit card]
Mr. Bean
My flexible friend.
Mr. Bean "ATCHOO!"
Mr. Bean
"Excuse me, could you..."
Mr. Bean
"If you'd be so kind, press the red button."
MMan
"Now, just try one more and turn around" [Bean hesitates] "Actually, face them, yeah. Right the way around and face the women." [As Bean faces the sculpture, the man examines Bean's camera and then runs away.]
SShopkeeper
"Yes? Can I help you, sir?"
Mr. Bean
"Can I have this, please?"
SShopkeeper
"Certainly, sir." [He goes off-screen, then back with the other pair] "There you are, sir, size nine."
Mr. Bean
"No, but I only want the one."
SShopkeeper
"No, no, they come as two"
Mr. Bean
"One."
SShopkeeper
"I have to sell them as two shoes." [The car with Bean's shoe appears behind Bean. He goes after it. He goes down the street and stops the car, bumping him in the process. Bean comes up back again holding the shoe]
Mr. Bean
"Thank you!"
[Cut to a flashing neon sign, it says "CLUB PHUT", zoom out to reveal the entrance and Irma standing]
Mr. Bean
"Oh, I'm sorry I'm late; I got..." [They both get in the club, but not after Bean hits the sign's power source, the sign glows brightly and then dims, the audience laughs]
[Cut to a magic show, then cut to Bean and Irma sitting down. Drumroll]
MMagician
"Now, please, can I have one volunteer from the audience?"
Mr. Bean
[to the waitress] "Oh!" [raises his hand to her]
MMagician
"Ah, we have a gentleman here." [The spotlight points at Bean] "Please, come here."
Mr Bean
"I wanted the waitress. The waitress..." [Bean and the magician enter the stage, then the magician pulls out Bean's handkerchief from his vest] "Give that back!" [He snatches it from the magician, but he takes it again then returns it. The magician puts his hand inside of Bean's vest, pulling out a bouquet of flowers]
[The magician takes Bean's watch and using the cloth and a hammer, he "crushes" the watch inside the cloth. He pushes the cloth, revealing confetti. He present's Bean's watch again, undamaged and throws it up in the air. As the magician is doing some card tricks, Bean is walking around the stage, messing with the magician's equipment. After the card trick is done, drumroll. The assistant guides Bean to the next trick]
Mr. Bean
"I'm looking for my watch. It fell down here..."
[The assistant puts Bean into a magic box]
Mr. Bean
"Where is--"
[The magician closes the magic box with the square slot. Bean opens the slot, revealing his face.]
Mr. Bean
[to the magician] "Excuse me, I'm looking for my watch!"
[The magician immediately shuts the slot. His assistant throws him a sword. He proves the audience that the swords are real and thrusts them at the box.]
MOMan on audience
"Behind you!"
[Meanwhile, Mr. Bean is already outside the box and tries to find his watch. Several cuts between Bean and Irma. The magician thrusts more swords into the box]
AMAnother man on audience
"Boo!"
[Mr. Bean finds his watch behind the magician's pants, cut to table where Irma was sitting, she disappears. Mr. Bean runs out from the stage, from to the room. Crowd boos. The magician comes out from the room with a sword in hand, but cannot find Mr. Bean, who is in the disco room.]
Mr. Bean
Uh, Bean.
RReceptionist
Right. Would you like a pen, sir?
Mr. Bean
Oh, thank you very much.
MMatthew
Can I move your car, sir?
Mr. Bean
Oh...
RReceptionist
Good morning. If you like to check in, sir?
Mr. Bean
Oh, oh. British.
[Matthew returns the steering wheel of Bean's mini]
Mr. Bean
Ah, thank you very much.
[Matthew clears his throat, as if asking for a tip. Bean gives him some kind of candy or cough drop as a tip. Bean then examines a TV remote, thinking it's a phone.]
Mr. Bean
Hello? [Bean presses a button, the TV turns on to a football match, audience cheering]
AOAnnouncer on TV (first channel)
"I don't believe it!" [Bean turns off the TV, then turns it back on, audience on TV still cheers throughout] "Goodness me. I... What a response..." [Bean turns TV off, quickly turns it on] "Terrible, just..." [Bean turns TV off and on again, and again] "The crowd is..." (Bean changes the channel quickly, then stands near the wall while changing the channels]
M1Man 1 on TV (second channel)
"Get out of here!" [Bean changes the channel quickly]
AOAnnouncer on TV (first channel)
"The players are run--..." [Bean changes the channel]
COChorus on TV (fourth channel)
"Halleujah!" [Bean hides in the blanket while changing the channels]
MOMan on TV (fifth channel)
"Do you know what you are to me?"
COChorus on TV (fourth channel)
"Halleujah, hallelujah, hallelu--!"
MOMan on TV (fifth channel)
"...the whole town. A spring morning in Paris..." [Bean stands at the lobby, foot on door, while changing the channels. He lets go of his foot of the door, closing the door itself]
COChorus on TV (fourth channel)
"Halleujah, hallelujah! Hallelujah, ha--" [Bean changes the channel]
WOWoman on TV (fifth channel)
"That's my heart beating."
MOMan on TV (fifth channel)
"Does it go like a subway train?"
[Bean changes the channel, sports fans on first channel chanting while Bean walks a few steps, then changes the channel again, dances to some upbeat music from the TV, changes the channel once again]
M2Man 2 (second channel)
"Look, coming down off the hill!"
[Bean walks forward, western style]
M3Man 3 on TV (second channel)
"Hang on, Joe!"
[Bean changes the channel, like a cowboy shooting his revolver]
COChorus on TV (fourth channel)
"Hallelujah, hallelujah! For the Lord God omnipote--"
[A room neighbor comes out, Bean holds remote on his back]
Mr. Bean
[scoffs, knocks on own room door] Will you be quiet? [Turns off TV at "omnipotent"] Sorted him out.
[Neighbor returns to his room. Bean returns to his room, unpacks his case]
[Bean knocks on neighbor's door, then runs to elevator, which is out of order.]
Mr. Bean
Aha! [Bean goes down the stairs, but is slowed down by an elderly woman. He goes round to the other staircase but gets stuck behind her again.]
WWoman
I don't think I'll be able to eat again for another year.
Mr. Bean
Ta-da! [Mr. Bean succeeds in overtaking her, but is slowed down again by an elderly man, holding two canes, in front of him]
Mr. Bean
Ah, so hot.
DLDanny La Rue
Thank you!
RReceptionist
Ah, that was marvellous, Mr. La Rue, marvellous. They love you!
DLDanny La Rue
Thank you, they always do, dear. Now how about just one more encore. One more. They deserve me, the darlings!
RReceptionist
OK, Matthew. Take Mr. La Rue's trunk to his car.
Mr. Bean
[clears throat] 426, please.
RReceptionist
Certainly, madam.
DLDanny La Rue
'Ere! That's my frock! [pulls an earring from Bean]
Mr. Bean
Ow!
[Bean is playing Bingo with a mouthful of water and a goldfish]
CCaller
Everyone's ready? Eyes down. The first one is on white, and it's five and seven, 57. Green, seven and four, 74. White, five and seven, 57. Yellow, one and seven, 17. Red, lucky number, number seven. Green, seven and two, 72. Blue, three and two, 32. And blue, three and five, 35. Blue, three and seven, 37. White, six-zero, white 60. Yellow, two and five, 25. White, five and four, 54. Green, seven and one, 71. Yellow, two and three, 23. Green, any way around, 99. (Bean clicks 99 on his board, forming a forward diagonal bingo)
Mr. Bean
(swallows goldfish) Bingo! (spits out the goldfish and water, landing in the sea with another fish)
[Bean pushing another Mini car]
[He gets some soldiers to help push the car]
Mr. Bean
"I'll get in."
Mr. Bean
"I'm in!"
Mr. Bean
"Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut!"
[Cut to a drill sergeant]
DSDrill sergeant
"Eyes front!"
[Cut to soldiers marching and halting, then the sergeant shouts unintelligible commands: first one turns the soldiers left and left foot stamp, second preparing their rifles to their right sidearm, and finally their separating their feet. The sergeant leaves and heads inside the recruitment centre on the background. Bean arrives behind the soldiers, looking at them, then coughs as he passes through them. The soldiers close their legs. Bean notices them again, then coughs once again, the soldiers separating their feet once again. Bean then gets behind a military vehicle, then coughs, the soldiers close their legs again. Cut to Bean standing near the vehicle, he says a command, similarly to the drill sergeant's, the soldiers positioning their rifles vertically close to their middle. Bean commands them again, this time the first and third of the each rows raising their right and left knees, respectively, to the laughter of the audience. Bean then commands them to raise their right hands up high, and makes them wave said hands. The drill sergeant arrives from the recruitment centre, Bean quickly hides behind the vehicle.]
DSDrill sergeant
"Right." [noticing the soldiers' doing Bean's pose; Bean runs behind the soldiers] "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" [Cut to the entrance of the building] "Hey! Right side!" [Bean gets inside the building with the Adult Education entrance] "What do you think you're doing?! What do you think you're doing?! You what?!"
JIJudo instructor
"OK, thanks a lot for coming, everybody. Um, before we start learning any throws, et cetera, the first thing about judo is you've just got to make sure that you can fall, OK? So, I'll check all your break-falls one by one. Let's start with you. Just step forward, that's good. OK, we start with a bow. Good. Then, just take hold, that's nice, and the throw. That's it, good one. Back with the others. Right, nice. Next one, please." "That's good. Okay, again, we start with a bow..." "..then, take hold, and the throw." "That's nice. Good." "Back with the others." "There we go." "Okay, can I have the next one, please?" "Next one, please. Yeah?" "Just step forward, then." "Yeah. Onto the mat, yeah?" "That's good." "There we are." "And the other foot, yeah?" "That's good, that's all right, now." "Okay, here we..." "Just come back onto the mat. There we go." "It's all right."
JIJudo instructor
"Now first the bow..." [bows in the Japanese fashion, in a 90-degree angle]
Mr. Bean
"Bow." [Bean follows suit, and the instructor bows again immediately]
JIJudo instructor
"There we are, the bow. All right, and then I take hold." "It's all right. Just... just trust me, just trust me." "Just calm down, all right? Just stand here." "That's it. No. No one's going to get hurt. That's it." "Good. Okay. Now..."
Mr. Bean
"So, we bow." [bows in the Japanese fashion]
JIJudo instructor
"Yeah, we bow." [bows immediately after Bean, laughter from the audience] "Just one big bow, then throw." [Cut to the instructor's point of view, the camera is now following the instructor's eyes] "Okay, so one nice, big, big bow and then..." [camera pans as the instructor bows, and up again, then we realizes that Bean is no longer in front of the instructor. Cut to the instructor, Bean stands up behind him, and shoves him down to the mat.]
JIJudo instructor
"Hey, stop it! Stop! Stop it!"
MIMan in ambulance 1
You get the door, John.
MIMan in ambulance 2
Right.
[The doors are blocked by Mr. Bean's Mini. Laughter from the audience.]
MIMan in ambulance 1
What's wrong? Here, give it to me.
[Scene changes to the waiting room.]
N1Nurse 1
Twenty-two (22).
[Bean takes the doll from the girl's hands and throws it. The girl goes with her mother to pick it up, leaving the queue. Next, two men are in front of him, Bean pinches the taller man's back and quickly pulls his hand away. The taller man thinks the person behind him (in front of Bean) did this, and pushes him.]
TMTaller Man
What the hell do you think you're doing? Pinching my bottom in a hospital queue?! [both leave the queue, Bean meets the receptionist, the mother and daughter is behind Bean now.]
RReceptionist
Good morning, name please?
Mr. Bean
Um, Bean. (laughter from the audience)
RReceptionist
And what is the problem?
[Bean whispers to the receptionist]
RReceptionist
Have a ticket and take a seat please, Mr. Bean.
NONurse on P.A.
Security to the east door, please.
N1Nurse 1
Twenty-three (23).
[Two people stand up and walk to the main room]
N1Nurse 1
Twenty-four (24).
[Bean notices an old man sleeping with the ticket, he tries swapping it but...]
[The old man wakes up and heads to the main room]
[Bean examines the muffled woman's ticket upside-down and reads 25. While the receptionist answers a phone call, Bean turns the number counter upside down while coughing, then returns to his seat]
N1Nurse 1
Fifty-two (52).
Mr. Bean
Yes! [The muffled woman holds Bean by the teapot, three other people are complaining about their tickets being skipped. Bean is still struggling]
N2Nurse 2
Ninety-two (92). [she appears beside the counter]
M4Man 4
Hang on! What about me?
N1Nurse 1
Come back here! Somebody's turned it the wrong way up. [She turns the counter around back to its normal position] That's better, there. Twenty-six (26).
M5Man 5
Yes, at last. [follows Nurse 1]
[The woman lets go of Bean's teapot. Frustrated, Bean goes back to his seat]
Mr. Bean · 50 quotes