[First lines; Monk and Sharona are watching Gail's performance]
What do you think so far?
There's no legroom. It's so crowded.
It's supposed to be crowded. It's sold out. You know, this play is going to New York. Can you believe it? My sister in an off-Broadway show?
So where is she?
She's in the next scene. She kills a guy.
I hope it's the guy who designed these seats. [Gail enters]
There she is. [From behind another door on stage, another actor, Hal Duncan, swings the door shut]
[as Bert] Hey, cuz. You miss me? [He picks up an apple and tosses it from hand to hand] Hope you don't mind. I let myself in.
But you're supposed to be in jail!
It's funny that phrase, “supposed to be”. I'm "supposed to be" in jail, you're "supposed to be" waiting for me! [He makes air quotes with his fingers when saying "supposed to be"] A man can't count on “supposed to be” the way he used to.
You know, my husband's upstairs! If he hears you he'll come down-
Your husband's downtown drowning himself in scotch and soda! I saw him leave about an hour ago.
[Hal fusses with Gail's blouse]
I've got some money in my purse! Why don't you just take it and go?
You think I want your pocket change?! You think that's why I came back?! [Hal overturns the table, spilling all of its contents on the stage. Gail screams and secretly pulls out a knife]
Who ordered the tossed salad? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I came back for what's mine.
You know, if you don't leave, I'll--
You'll what? Huh? You'll do nothin'! [takes a bite of the apple he is holding] Like I said, I'm here for what's mine! [Gail stabs Hal with the prop knife. Hal screams, and staggers across the stage, obviously having a seizure]
Hal, are you okay? [Hal falls on the floor and starts having convulsions] Hal? Hal?
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