[Sharona waits impatiently for her paycheck, but Monk doesn't think the case is solved yet.]
Adrian, I'm giving you until 3.
[Monk looks at his watch.]
No, not 3 o'clock. I'm counting to three.
“Mr. Monk and the Billionaire Mugger” · Season 1, Episode 6
In this episode: Sharona Fleming (4), Captain Leland Stottlemeyer (3), Adrian Monk (2), Lt. Randall Disher (1)
[Disher comes into Stottlemeyer's office]
Captain.
You just missed the deputy commissioner. Guess what he wanted to talk about? Murder rates spiking? The Sidney Teal investigation? No, all he wanted to know was what we're doing about the runaway cop.
Fraidy Cop. [drops a newspaper on Stottlemeyer's desk; camera focuses on an article that is headlined "Who is Fraidy Cop?"]
Excuse me?
That's what they're calling him. [Stottlemeyer scruitinizes the article] We, uh, sort of pieced together the route he took. [He walks over to a blown up street map of San Francisco, and sighs wearily] I don't know. Okay. [He pulls out a few pushpins] After the shooting, three people saw him running west towards the park here, and on 19th, here, [Inserts a pushpin into an intersection] he flagged down a taxi.
He took a taxi?
Yeah, it gets worse. He, uh, threw up in the backseat. But we did get his blood type from the vomit. The taxi then, uh, dropped him off at a bar up on Geary Street... [inserts another pushpin on the map] ...there, where he sat in a booth at the back, apparently drinking bourbon and crying.
He was crying? Oh, dear Lord.
About midnight, an older woman in a brown station wagon was seen picking him up. Possibly his mother.
He called his mom?
Yeah.
Well, that son-of-a-bitch better hope I don't find him first. [He looks at the cartographic sketch of Fraidy Cop]
[Stottlemeyer speaks at a press conference about Sidney Teal's death]
Sidney Teal did not suffer a nervous breakdown. The incident on Harrison Place was, in fact, a crime of passion. We believe that Mr. Teal, was in fact trying to murder Mr. Modine, who was linked romantically at one time with Mr. Teal's wife, Myra. Over the next 10 days, the D.A.'s office is going to decide whether or not they want to press charges against Mr. Modine for filing a false report. Any questions?
R1Reporter #1
Captain, is there any news on Fraidy Cop?
No comment.
R1Reporter #1
Captain, there's a story in today's Tribune that says the department knows the identity of Fraidy Cop, but is refusing to release it.
R2Reporter #2
Is that true, Captain?
No comment. [The reporters all clamor for a few moments until Stottlemeyer interrupts] All right. Hey, hey. Hang on. I have another statement, and here it is: The next reporter that asks me about this so-called Fraidy Cop is going to be banned from all press conferences for a year.
Walk me through it.
It's pretty routine till we get to the punch line. Modine and his date are walking to their car over here. The, uh, perp is over here. Now, the perp pops out with a knife. Modine pulls out his piece, .38 caliber... [off Monk's look] I already called, he's licensed. Bang, bang, bang. Three in the chest.
So, I just have one question: What am I doing here?
Here comes the punch line: Our perp is Sidney Teal.
The computer guy?
Get out of town!
Take a look. [lifts up the canvas covering the late Sidney Teal] That's what $5 billion looks like.
Get-out-of-town! What in God's name was he doing? [Stottlemeyer puts Teal's false mustache in an evidence bag]
I think maybe, that this is how he got his kicks. I mean, that kind of money can make a person crazy.
Yeah. I wouldn't know.
Yeah, right. Anyway, that's my theory. If you've got a better one, I'd really like to hear it.
Well--
No. No. Captain, we can't start working until we talk about our fee!
Sharona, could you give me a second here? [Sharona walks away] You know, this is insane.
Yeah, it's crazy. It gets crazier. Check this out. [He uncovers Teal's leg] This guy's wearin' knee pads.
Knee pads?
Yeah, and he's got elbow pads.
Was he planning on going rollerblading after?
[Monk and Sharona question Sidney Teal's chauffeur]
WWillis
You know, it's funny. Mr. Teal had it all - more money than God, a beautiful wife - but he was the loneliest man on the planet. I was the chauffeur, and I felt sorry for him.
Feeling sorry for your boss? I can't imagine how that must feel.
Get in the car!
[Sharona solves the case by reading Sydney Teal's autobiography while working at a lamp store]
Excuse me, miss? We're closing.
CCustomer
Now?
That's right.
CCustomer
Why?
It's a holiday.
CCustomer
What holiday?
[Sharona pauses and looks around] It's...Lamp Day!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.