You wasted a trip.
Why do you say that?
Because they make their own gravy.
Who makes their own gravy?
Bums.
"Bums make their own gravy", what does that even mean?
You don't want to know.
“Mr. Monk and the Miracle” · Season 7
In this episode: Natalie Teeger (5), Adrian Monk (4), Captain Leland Stottlemeyer (1), Lt. Disher (1), Julie Teeger (1)
[Ike, Reggie, and the Professor have shown up at Monk's apartment looking for his services]
Do you guys want to sit down?
IRIke, Reggie & the Professor
Yeah! Thanks.
No! That couch doesn't work, none of these chairs work. How 'bout we sit on some newspapers! Julie, go get some newspapers!
[Stottlemeyer muses about his health when he finds Monk and Natalie in his office]
Got five doctors, and they haven't got a clue. They got me on three different medications. I've tried everything. Even this crap. [He motions towards a bottle of a health drink]
What is it?
I don't know. It's some kind of organic hippie concoction from Hell. My aunt sent me a whole carton full of it. [He takes a sip out of the bottle, and gags a little bit]
Oh, it tastes like chalk.
What's in it?
[Reads the label on the bottle] Chalk extract...
So, why do they call you the Professor?
Julie, it's probably because he loves to read and probably because he's curious about the world and other cultures...
?The Professor
I eat books.
Oh.
[Monk and Natalie arrive at the police station to talk to Randy about the Willie T. murder]
Maybe the Captain saw something... [Randy turns around, and they see that he has grown a mustache] ...unusual. What is that?
What?
On your face! On your lip!
It looks a little bit like a mustache.
Well, I'm in charge. It comes with the job. [Monk and Natalie continue to stare at him, dumbstruck] Okay, you're making me a little uncomfortable.
You're making me a little uncomfortable!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.