Christy Plunkett quotes from Mom

We're not sure that Luke is the only boy who has slept with this temptress.

Bonnie

Now hold it right there, I can assure you that with every generation of our family, the women get better. Now, I may have been a drunken slut.

Christy

She was.

Bonnie

And my daughter may also have been a drunken slut.

Christy

Hey!

Bonnie

What?

Christy

Sorry, go on.

Bonnie

But this angel was pure as snow until she smoked your son's blunt, drank his tequila and made mad passionate love to him for about 2 minutes. [to Violet] Am I right so far?

Violet

[uncomfortably] Pretty much.

Christy

Dammit, I forgot I have to take Violet to her doctor's appointment!

Bonnie

I know, I had Luke take her in early. She's gained 3 pounds, the baby's the size of an heirloom tomato.

Violet

Do we have a Bible?

Christy

We have one that's hollowed out.

Violet

Why would it be hollow?

Christy

...I misspoke. We don't have a Bible.

Violet

Never mind, I'll just get one at the library.

Christy

Why do you want to read the Bible?

Violet

Because I'm curious.

Christy

What? I didn't raise you to be curious.

Violet

Luke's father thinks I should come to his church and work on my soul.

Christy

Well you tell Luke's father that I said your soul can kick his soul's ass.

Christy

Marjorie, how many cats do you own?

Marjorie

Oh, you don't own cats. You love them.

Christy

Okay... How many cats do you love?

Marjorie

[pointing and gesturing] Well, let's see. That's Carlos Santana, and that's Grace Slick, and that's Boz Skaggs, and Steve Miller, and these three are the Tower of Power horn section. And this fat little trouble-maker is Jerry Garcia. So... eight.

Christy

[walks in on Luke and Violet on her bed with her jeans half on] God, lock the door!

Luke

No, it's not what you think, I'm trying to get them *on* her.

Christy

What?

Violet

None of my stupid pants fit!

Christy

Of course not, Violet, you're pregnant. You had to know this was going to happen.

Violet

I did but I still wanted to be hot.

Christy

You were hot, that's why you're pregnant.

Christy

Rudy said he doesn't want to see you anymore.

Bonnie

What? Wait, why are you telling me this and not him?

Christy

Because he has an emotionally crippling mother.

Christy

[Christy and Bonnie are confessing long-held secret to each other] Okay, I got one. Remember that kilo of hash that was stolen from your car?

Bonnie

Yeah?

Christy

Best. Junior Prom. Ever.

Bonnie

Are you crazy? I was almost KILLED for that.

Christy

Oh, I'm sorry.

Bonnie

I had a GUN to my head in the desert, they made me dig my own grave!

Christy

That's too bad. I was voted queen of the prom!

Christy

I can't believe they found you guilty.

Regina

I can. I stole three million dollars.

Christy

Maybe they'll send you to one of those swanky country club jails.

Regina

Get real. I'm a black woman who embezzled money from white people. I'm going to jail jail. Someone's gonna buy my ass for a KitKat bar.

Bonnie

Well, it's only fair. KitKat bars helped build that thing.

Christy

I thought this baby was going to be my second chance.

Violet

How would that happen?

Christy

Well, this time I wouldn't be drunk. I wouldn't pass out at a PTA meeting, at the wrong school.

Violet

[dryly] Yeah, that wasn't too embarrassing.

Christy

The baby shower's going to be great, fun and games and free stuff for the baby.

Violet

I don't need it.

Christy

Violet, I'm stealing food from work, trust me, we need it.

Violet

No we don't.

Christy

Why not?

Violet

...I've made a decision. I'm giving this baby up for adoption. [leaves]

Christy

I feel like I just got punched in the heart.

Violet

Dumbass crackers!

Christy

What's the matter?

Violet

Luke's parents. First they say they don't want a thing to do with this baby, and now they're freaking out because I'm giving up their "beloved grandkid".

Bonnie

What about Luke?

Violet

He was useless. Oh, and get this. [snarkily] Now his parents are insisting that they're going to adopt the baby!

Christy

What'd you tell them?

Violet

I told them that I don't want my kid being raised by religious fanatics. I want it raised by homosexuals! [leaves]

Regina

Do you know what the worst part of being in prison will be?

Bonnie

Being in prison?

Regina

No, that I won't get to see my son grow up.

Bonnie

Oh... I'm gonna stop talking now.

Marjorie

Don't say it if you don't mean it.

Christy

When did you last see your son?

Regina

Before my trial.

Marjorie

But that was months ago!

Regina

My ex-husband won't let me see him, not that I blame him. He just turned 10. He's going to be a teenager by the time I get out.

Christy

Where's your ex live?

Regina

In Stockton, about a hundred miles back.

Christy

[pause] Hell with it. [turns the car around] We're going to Stockton!

Regina

But I'll be late to turn myself in.

Christy

What the hell are they gonna do, Regina? Throw you in jail?

Christy

Shouldn't Luke be here by now?

Violet

He didn't drive, he's high, so he took the bus.

Christy

He smoked pot on the day you're having the baby?

Violet

He smokes pot every day, it's not a big deal.

Luke

[in the hall] Violet?

Violet

I'm in here!

Luke

[walks right by] Violet?

Violet

I'm in here!

Luke

Violet?

Violet

You literally just walked past me!

Luke

Violet?

Christy

Everyday, huh?

Violet

I changed my mind!

Christy

I told you, you can't go home, you have to have this baby.

Violet

No, I changed my mind, I'm keeping this baby!

Christy

[she and Bonnie look at each other] Are you sure?

Violet

I'm never going through this much pain again, so I need to keep this baby!