Violet Plunkett quotes from Mom

Christy

Violet, I can't tell you not to have sex at your age, because I had sex at your age.

Violet

Mom, I'm not having sex.

Christy

Uh, don't lie to the woman who washes your sheets.

Violet

I'll have the test results in two minutes.

Christy

That's great. I mean the time to worry is so much less. When I was pregnant with you, those things took 20 minutes.

Violet

Really?

Christy

Yeah, that's how far science has come. So, that's great! [to Bonnie] We'll know the test results in 2 minutes.

Bonnie

Wow. When I was pregnant with you, those things took 2 hours.

Christy

Really?

Bonnie

Yeah, that's a long time to wait in a gas station bathroom.

Luke

I'm telling you, I walked in on my parents having sex once and it traumatized me.

Violet

This isn't the same thing.

Luke

Yeah, it's worse, the kid can't run out of the room screaming.

Violet

[Christy enters] Mom, tell Luke he's not going to hurt the baby.

Christy

...If I do that, he'll have sex with you. [to Luke] Stick to your guns.

Bonnie

[Christy doesn't want to talk about her relationship] So how about you, Luke still worried he'll poke the baby's eye out?

Violet

Luke is a very caring and sensitive person, and I don't want to talk about it.

Bonnie

[pause] Well since nobody's going to ask me, I'll tell you, I took home a vice cop last night and I do want to talk about it.

We're not sure that Luke is the only boy who has slept with this temptress.

Bonnie

Now hold it right there, I can assure you that with every generation of our family, the women get better. Now, I may have been a drunken slut.

Christy

She was.

Bonnie

And my daughter may also have been a drunken slut.

Christy

Hey!

Bonnie

What?

Christy

Sorry, go on.

Bonnie

But this angel was pure as snow until she smoked your son's blunt, drank his tequila and made mad passionate love to him for about 2 minutes. [to Violet] Am I right so far?

Violet

[uncomfortably] Pretty much.

Violet

Do we have a Bible?

Christy

We have one that's hollowed out.

Violet

Why would it be hollow?

Christy

...I misspoke. We don't have a Bible.

Violet

Never mind, I'll just get one at the library.

Christy

Why do you want to read the Bible?

Violet

Because I'm curious.

Christy

What? I didn't raise you to be curious.

Violet

Luke's father thinks I should come to his church and work on my soul.

Christy

Well you tell Luke's father that I said your soul can kick his soul's ass.

Christy

[walks in on Luke and Violet on her bed with her jeans half on] God, lock the door!

Luke

No, it's not what you think, I'm trying to get them *on* her.

Christy

What?

Violet

None of my stupid pants fit!

Christy

Of course not, Violet, you're pregnant. You had to know this was going to happen.

Violet

I did but I still wanted to be hot.

Christy

You were hot, that's why you're pregnant.

Luke

This ass was spanked a lot as a kid and it's a better ass for it.

Violet

Well I want to raise our baby with patience and understanding.

Luke

Why? You weren't raised that way.

Violet

I know. I want to do better by our child. I want to be able to break the cycle.

Luke

Wow, that's ambitious.

[Knocks on door. Violet answers] Hi. Is Christy Plunkett here?

Violet

You a bill collector?

No.

Violet

Subpoena?

No.

Violet

Are we being evicted again?

No. What do you mean "again"?

Violet

Never mind. She's not here.

Oh, okay. You, uh... you must be her daughter.

Violet

Listen pal, we're not joining your church.

I'm not... Forget it. I'll come back another time.

Violet

Whatever. [Slams door]

Wow. My granddaughter's a joy.

Christy

I thought this baby was going to be my second chance.

Violet

How would that happen?

Christy

Well, this time I wouldn't be drunk. I wouldn't pass out at a PTA meeting, at the wrong school.

Violet

[dryly] Yeah, that wasn't too embarrassing.

Christy

The baby shower's going to be great, fun and games and free stuff for the baby.

Violet

I don't need it.

Christy

Violet, I'm stealing food from work, trust me, we need it.

Violet

No we don't.

Christy

Why not?

Violet

...I've made a decision. I'm giving this baby up for adoption. [leaves]

Christy

I feel like I just got punched in the heart.

Violet

Dumbass crackers!

Christy

What's the matter?

Violet

Luke's parents. First they say they don't want a thing to do with this baby, and now they're freaking out because I'm giving up their "beloved grandkid".

Bonnie

What about Luke?

Violet

He was useless. Oh, and get this. [snarkily] Now his parents are insisting that they're going to adopt the baby!

Christy

What'd you tell them?

Violet

I told them that I don't want my kid being raised by religious fanatics. I want it raised by homosexuals! [leaves]

Violet

Hey.

Hey. Your mom tells me you've got a prom coming up.

Violet

Um-hmm.

That sounds like fun.

Violet

Yep.

What's the theme?

Violet

Broken condoms, broken dreams.

[Nodding] Oh, okay. You've got a shot at being the Queen.

Christy

Shouldn't Luke be here by now?

Violet

He didn't drive, he's high, so he took the bus.

Christy

He smoked pot on the day you're having the baby?

Violet

He smokes pot every day, it's not a big deal.

Luke

[in the hall] Violet?

Violet

I'm in here!

Luke

[walks right by] Violet?

Violet

I'm in here!

Luke

Violet?

Violet

You literally just walked past me!

Luke

Violet?

Christy

Everyday, huh?