Mind Your Language quotes

There will be no throat-slicing in my class! If you want to do that sort of thing, you should have joined the Sports in Pastimes.

Danielle

I come to learn English. Have I come to the right place?

I was engaged once. Matter of fact, I proposed marriage, but it didn't really work out. There was quite a lot of opposition.

Her father?

No, her husband. I didn't realise she was married at the time.

Ranjeet

Excuse me, missy. This lady, is she resembling an elephant?

I wouldn't exactly put it like that, but she is rather large.

Ranjeet

Blimey, it is Surinder!

I thought you and Surinder made a lovely couple.

With all due respect, she was a couple on her own.

(holds up lime juice) Giovanni?

Giovanni

Lime juice.

(holds up milk) Juan?

Juan

Cow juice.

Milk.

Do you know where we get milk from, Juan?

Juan

Si, señora... the milkman!

Danielle should wave from window all by herself.

She still may not be sufficient to attract enough attention.

It would if she took her clothes off!

You are changing your tune! When you are thinking that I am very wealthy, you are being my bloody brother.

Ranjeet

That is before I'm finding out you are bloody stupid!

Don't you call me bloody stupid, you bearded baboon!

Quiet the pair of you and sit down. (to Ali) I presume you're staying now, Ali.

I'm staying now, yes.

Well, how would you pronounce "F-I-T"?

Ranjeet

Fit!

Juan

Si señor, one right fit, one left fit!

No, Juan!

I want to hear you say: "All Muslims are nice, kind and most wonderful persons".

Ranjeet

If I am saying that, you'll be lending me 10p?

If you are saying that, I will be giving you 10p.

Ranjeet

Very well. All Muslims are nice, kind and wonderful persons.

Jolly good. (hands him the 10p)

Ranjeet

There's only one thing: all Sikhs are very big liars!

Where are you going?

Giovanni

We go to spend 2p.

The phrase is "spend a penny".

Giovanni

Sure. I spend a penny, he spend a penny; we spend 2p.

Ranjeet

Please, I am having a very funny thought. He is Pakistani, she is Chinese. If they have a baby, it will be Pakinese!

How dare you! I'm teaching you not to be insulting! You ignorant son of a bearded poof!

Ranjeet

Come on! You brainless offspring of a camel!

Ali, I?

You are what?

A word beginning with the letter I

Infidel

Ranjeet

Are you meaning me?

Yes, please

Ranjeet

Jackass

Are you meaning me?

Ranjeet

Most definitely!

I knock your damn turban off you monkey face!

Giovanni

Max, what's the opposite to "bitter"?

Lotta

Giovanni

That's not right

Sure it is! Opposite of bitter money is lotta money

Juan, does Boris speak any English?

Juan

I teach him a little

Well, good. Why do you wish to leave Russia?

Por favore?

I see you speak English as well as Juan does