Ranjeet Singh quotes from Mind Your Language

Ranjeet

Excuse me, missy. This lady, is she resembling an elephant?

I wouldn't exactly put it like that, but she is rather large.

Ranjeet

Blimey, it is Surinder!

You are changing your tune! When you are thinking that I am very wealthy, you are being my bloody brother.

Ranjeet

That is before I'm finding out you are bloody stupid!

Don't you call me bloody stupid, you bearded baboon!

Quiet the pair of you and sit down. (to Ali) I presume you're staying now, Ali.

I'm staying now, yes.

Well, how would you pronounce "F-I-T"?

Ranjeet

Fit!

Juan

Si señor, one right fit, one left fit!

No, Juan!

I want to hear you say: "All Muslims are nice, kind and most wonderful persons".

Ranjeet

If I am saying that, you'll be lending me 10p?

If you are saying that, I will be giving you 10p.

Ranjeet

Very well. All Muslims are nice, kind and wonderful persons.

Jolly good. (hands him the 10p)

Ranjeet

There's only one thing: all Sikhs are very big liars!

Ranjeet

Please, I am having a very funny thought. He is Pakistani, she is Chinese. If they have a baby, it will be Pakinese!

How dare you! I'm teaching you not to be insulting! You ignorant son of a bearded poof!

Ranjeet

Come on! You brainless offspring of a camel!

Ali, I?

You are what?

A word beginning with the letter I

Infidel

Ranjeet

Are you meaning me?

Yes, please

Ranjeet

Jackass

Are you meaning me?

Ranjeet

Most definitely!

I knock your damn turban off you monkey face!

Think of a word that describes you.

Stupid

Ranjeet

Don't you call me stupid, you half-witted Pakistani popadom!

Don't you call me Pakistani popadom you brown chapati!

Ranjeet

And then came the Muslims!

Don't you call me ape you son of a cross-eyed goat!

Quiet the pair of you! If I have any more trouble, you both stay behind for extra study.

Ranjeet

I'm winning the jackpot!

That is my winnings!

Ranjeet

How can they be your winnings? I am putting the money, 10p in.

There is your 10p.

Ranjeet

Take your dirty hands off my money!

That is my money, you bearded bandit!