Mind Your Language quotes

Think of a word that describes you.

Stupid

Ranjeet

Don't you call me stupid, you half-witted Pakistani popadom!

Don't you call me Pakistani popadom you brown chapati!

Ranjeet

And then came the Muslims!

Don't you call me ape you son of a cross-eyed goat!

Quiet the pair of you! If I have any more trouble, you both stay behind for extra study.

Ranjeet

I'm winning the jackpot!

That is my winnings!

Ranjeet

How can they be your winnings? I am putting the money, 10p in.

There is your 10p.

Ranjeet

Take your dirty hands off my money!

That is my money, you bearded bandit!

I sit at backside with Tarō.

No, Jamila. You will sit at the back. Backside is what you sit on.

(chuckles) Oh, no, master-jī. What I sit on is chair!

Swedish girl are the beautifullest.

Danielle

(rolls eyes) Trouble with Swedish girl: they are too big in ze bosom.

French woman too big in the mouth.

Sidney, go and sweep the school yard!

I swept it up once.

Well, sweep it again!

You wouldn't like me to go down on me 'ands and knees and scrub it, would ya?

Don't be ridiculous! It wouldn't dry before they arrived!

Shall I ask Gladys to make up a couple of ham rolls, in case they feel a bit peckish?

Ham rolls?! You can't give royalty ham rolls! This is a very special occasion! Tell her to open a tin of salmon.

(points to the window) What is that?

Door.

Window. (then points to the door)

Ah, door!

Good.

Crumpet!

If someone were to stop you in the street and ask you the time, what would you say?

That wouldn't help them.

Oh, yes. In my street, it's all Indian peoples.

Mr MacGregor is from Scotland, which is part of Great Britain. Great Britain is comprised of England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales.

Juan

No.

What do you mean, "no"?

Juan

No whales in England. Whales in the sea!

Giovanni

(admiring Danielle) Holy ravioli! For what I'm thinking now, I could be excommunicated.

Juan

I was excommunicated five minutes ago!

Where does the term "Gladstone bag" come from?

Mrs Gladstone.

(to Danielle) Explain the meaning of the phrase "to bury the hatchet".

Danielle

To chop someone's 'ead off.

You. (points to Giovanni) Complete the following proverb: "People who live in glass houses..."

Giovanni

"...should get undressed in the dark."

Giovanni, the correct word to describe a relative by marriage is "in-law", as in "brother-in-law", and not, as you put, "outlaw".

Giovanni

It's the same thing.

It is not the same thing. An outlaw is a bandit.

Giovanni

So's my brother-in-law!

Oh, you're wearing a black tie, Sidney.

Yeah, I'm in mourning. 28 years to the day it happened.

Oh dear. The death of a loved one?

Nah, I got married.

You're a real male chauvinist pig.

Pardon?

Pig.

Oh, you've met the wife, have you?